Visible Monsters

"You look...stunning." Andrew holds out a hand, and I take it.Marla Madeline follows behind us in her adorable new pink dress. This year's theme for granddad's party is colors. Andrew's canary yellow, and is wearing a canary yellow shirt with a dark blue blazer. He's wearing white pants. I don't ask.

Madeline is tickle me pink. You can tell from her dress, which grandma gave me yesterday when we went to visit my grandparents.

I'm dark blue, and the dress I'm wearing is up to my knees and pretty plain. There was a dip in the middle in the cleavage area, and the bow around my waist was incredibly tight, thanks to Daphne. It fans out slightly and has fringe at the end.

"I look like I'm going to my high school homecoming," I reply, muttering "thank you" as he opens the door for me. We drive off to the ballroom in the city area, near the opera house where I work with the unpronounceable French name.

There's a man standing outside the door and looks at our name tags before we enter the building. He flashes me a large smile. He most likely knows my granddad. Andrew and I are greeted by Daphne and Arin. Unfortunately, Arin looks miserable. "What's up with you?" I ask, nudging him.

"Your granddad--I mean, charcoal--gave me the worst color of all." Arin points to his name tag. It reads: Forest Green. "Do you have any idea how horrible green looks on me?" He's covering up his shirt with his blazer. The bright red rose is incredibly noticeable.

I look at Daphne, who's fire-engine red. She has a rose on her dress too, but the leaves stand out the most. If you were with a date, you must, somehow, be wearing his/her color too. Hence why Andrew's wearing the dark blue blazer, and I'm wearing a yellow flower on my dress. "You two look adorable together. Really." Daphne smiles.

"Thanks, Daph. Er...fire-engine red," I say. "You and forest green over here don't look too shabby yourselves." Andrew's arm is around my waist, and I see Madeline poke her head out from behind me. "Well, tickle me pink, what do you think?"

She's in awe of all of the colors in the room. Greens, blues, yellows, pinks, purples, reds...everything was like an extended rainbow. Grandma, or ivory, is good with picking interesting themes. "I like it," she says quietly.

"I'm glad." I take her hand and we go tomy granddad charcoal who's chatting with his friends. Behind me, I hear Arin poking fun at Andrew's color: Canary yellow. I hear something like "oh shut up, Forest Green." "Granddad, this is Madeline. You didn't get to see her yesterday." I had told grandma about the credit card problem. She waved it off. Nothing was too expensive for her granddaughters.

"Ah. Welcome, Madeline! I'm so glad you're here!" Granddad, now charcoal, looks behind me. "Oh, Tawny, you go have fun, all right? Madeline and I have some things to talk about." He winks, and I don't understand what he's hinting at.

Andrew reaches for my hand. "Would you like to dance?" I nod, taking his hand and stepping out into the middle of the ballroom. I see women eying me, watching me sway to the beat as Andrew rests his hands on my waist while mine are around his neck. The looks of disgust. The looks of anger.

"Oh my God, is Andy dancing with that bitch?"

"Oh no. You must be mistaken. That's a pity date."

"Who would willingly be seen with such an anti-social bitch?"

I feel sick. Claustrophobia's setting in.

Andrew holds me tighter and steers us away from the crowd of spectators. Now I feel all of their eyes one us, watching as we dance under the chandeliers, in this large white room. The bartender's stopped to watch. Even Daphne and Arin have their eyes on us. I'm a little frightened. The song ends, and I'm stealthily trying to find the exit to this place as everyone steadily goes back to normal. Andrew's right behind me, gripping onto my hand. "Tawn, hey. Let's stick around for a little bit longer. Hey, Tawn--" I push the door open and sprint outside. I take off my shoes and keep running, into the street, into the sand. Andrew waits by the shore as I wade into the ocean.

"Tawny, are you okay?" Andrew's folding up his pants in order to get to me. He's already taken off his shoes and socks. "Tawn, don't listen to them. They're just--"

"They're right." I look up at the moon. It's silvery and bright tonight. "Drew, they're absolutely right. I'm just an anti-social bitch that's most likely ruining your life." I run my fingers through the water with one hand while the other holds up the hem of the dress. "I'm sorry. I'm so selfish."

"...No, you're not." Andrew's arms are around my waist, and he's leading us towards the shore. "Don't let those idiots get to you. You aren't what they say you are. You've changed, Tawn. You're different now."

I'm making a track of sand all the way to my shoes. I put them on, only to realize why I took them off in the first place. Stilettos cause so much pain. The sand doesn't help. Andrew's sitting on the trunk of his car in the parking lot, and I join him. He's wearing his flip flops, wherever those came from. "Hey, Drew?" He turns to me. "Can we go somewhere?" I ask in a quiet voice.

He smiles slightly. "Absolutely. But where?"

"Santa Monica Hospital." He raises his eyebrows. We both get into the car and drive off, ditching tickle me pink, fire engine red, and forest green. I'm sure they don't miss us after making that huge scene in front of all of ivory and charcoal's guests. I'm sure they're mad at me by now. I can't show my face for another week. I guess I won't be working at that fancy French opera house for a while.

We enter the building and ask to visit Paul Behrend. We're led into the ICU, and there he is, hooked up to hundreds of tubes, eyelids closed, skin pale. Thinner than the last time I saw him. Andrew and I stand over him, taking in all of the wires, flashing lights, and spidery veins. More of his hair has fallen out.

"Hey, Uncle Paul," I greet him, keeping my distance. "I brought a friend with me. His name's Andrew."

"How do you do, sir?" Andrew smiles politely at the vegetable in front of him. I have already learned that there is nothing I can do to bring this man back to life. The seizure he had while I was at a lecture in October caused this, and now I watch a wonderful man die in front of me. He's just going to be another organ donor.

No more fishing. No more lectures about boys. No more wasting the wakes beneath the sun.

I feel Andrew's hand holding mine. "I think if he were awake right now, he'd be interrogating you." He laughs, his eyes sad. He'll never meet the man that I wanted to call "father." "But Drew, if he were awake right now, he would've loved you."

A small smile appears on his face. "I'm glad."