Visible Monsters
Gone.
The warmth of Andrew's sweater is comforting as we sit in the coffee shop. The clerk stares at us out of the corner of his eyes--I'm sure he saw us standing at the pier. Andrew touches my hand, and my attention shifts back to him. "Are you feeling okay?" I nod, not knowing what else to say at the moment.
"I'm really glad you're here." I nod again, slicking my wet hair back. I shiver, my legs shaking from the cold. Wearing shorts in inclement weather is never a smart idea. He sighs. "Tawn, can you please say something?"
"Just thinking." Kyle. Rebecca. Keller. High school. Friends. Enemies. Acquaintances. "I'm not sure I want to act anymore." The amount of trouble this would cause is greater than the good it will bring. Should I risk it? Probably not. Simple math says no. Go back to pretending to be a lawyer.
"I think you should do what you feel like doing. But Tawny, are you sure you'd want to go back to criminal justice? I don't want you to be miserable." Andrew frowns, squeezing my hand. I take a sip of my coffee. Needs more sugar. I open three packets and dump them into my mug. "Tawny, please, give it a shot."
I shrug and stand up. I can't sit around anymore. The results go up tomorrow, and I'm somewhat excited. Whether I do or don't make it isn't a problem; it's the mishap that will follow. "Hey, Andy. I feel like going to the hospital." It's about half an hour walking distance from the coffee shop. Aunt Iliana and I used to grab something from here before going there. She'd usually get me a brownie, and I'd throw it away when she wasn't looking. I always felt bad, but I'd do it anyway, hoping some poor man or woman would find it and be happier. You know, that childish hope you had when you threw out your dinner because you "couldn't finish", so you could have dessert.
It's silent as we trudge through the pouring rain, Andrew holding the umbrella above our heads. His other hand squeezes mine, assuring me that everything will be okay. But I don't feel reassured.
The woman sitting at the desk just nods as we walk in. The nurses don't look at me as they move about the hospital. Doctors are weaving in and out. No more "I'm sorry"s or "he'll get better soon"s. No more feeling bad for the Behrend family or Paul Behrend's "condition." Strange that finally, after more than two years, the sympathy ball stops rolling. It doesn't matter anymore. Iliana and Tawny Behrend are just going to visit a corpse who's hooked up to a breathing machine. The doctors are just waiting for us to pull the plug, so they can extract his liver, heart, and other vital organs. They're waiting to help the dying live and the dead die.
Room 128, his new room. They moved him, God knows why.
Andrew opens the door for me, and we step in together.
There's nothing there but an empty bed and a night stand.
Andrew turns to me. "Did they move him again?" he asks, eyebrows raised. I shrug. We search for the closest nurse, and I ask her where Paul Behrend might be. She glances at the room number and frowns slightly.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but they pulled the plug." She places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm really, truly sorry about your loss." She goes back to her routine of handing out pills and just overall shuffling around. I'm dumbfounded.
Why didn't anyone tell me?
Andrew squeezes my hand. "I'll take you back home. Looks like you need some rest." He tries his best to smile, but it's not working. His expression looks grim. "Tawny, let's go."
He wraps an arm around my waist and coaxes me to leave as I gaze at the patients lying in their uncomfortable hospital beds, the doctors taking coffee breaks in the cafeteria. "Tawny, it'll be okay. We'll figure out what happened." It must have been Aunt Iliana. Charcoal must be sick of paying the bills. My aunt is probably miserable. Canary Yellow doesn't want to be here.
Back to the coffee shop, and we climb into Andrew's station wagon. The ride home is quiet, and he doesn't attempt to break the silence. I murmur a "thanks", stepping back out into the rain. He walks me up to the door and kisses me goodbye. I smile slightly.
"I just ruined your day, didn't I?"
He shakes his head. "No, never." He kisses my forehead. "I'll see you later." I watch him casually stroll back to his car, and I turn around to go inside the house. Surprisingly, it's already open. I enter, taking off my soaked sneakers. Aside from Tickle-Me Pink and Fire Engine Red, Charcoal and Aunt Iliana are here.
Aunt Iliana's expression is grave. "Tawny, there's something we want to tell you."
"I'm really glad you're here." I nod again, slicking my wet hair back. I shiver, my legs shaking from the cold. Wearing shorts in inclement weather is never a smart idea. He sighs. "Tawn, can you please say something?"
"Just thinking." Kyle. Rebecca. Keller. High school. Friends. Enemies. Acquaintances. "I'm not sure I want to act anymore." The amount of trouble this would cause is greater than the good it will bring. Should I risk it? Probably not. Simple math says no. Go back to pretending to be a lawyer.
"I think you should do what you feel like doing. But Tawny, are you sure you'd want to go back to criminal justice? I don't want you to be miserable." Andrew frowns, squeezing my hand. I take a sip of my coffee. Needs more sugar. I open three packets and dump them into my mug. "Tawny, please, give it a shot."
I shrug and stand up. I can't sit around anymore. The results go up tomorrow, and I'm somewhat excited. Whether I do or don't make it isn't a problem; it's the mishap that will follow. "Hey, Andy. I feel like going to the hospital." It's about half an hour walking distance from the coffee shop. Aunt Iliana and I used to grab something from here before going there. She'd usually get me a brownie, and I'd throw it away when she wasn't looking. I always felt bad, but I'd do it anyway, hoping some poor man or woman would find it and be happier. You know, that childish hope you had when you threw out your dinner because you "couldn't finish", so you could have dessert.
It's silent as we trudge through the pouring rain, Andrew holding the umbrella above our heads. His other hand squeezes mine, assuring me that everything will be okay. But I don't feel reassured.
The woman sitting at the desk just nods as we walk in. The nurses don't look at me as they move about the hospital. Doctors are weaving in and out. No more "I'm sorry"s or "he'll get better soon"s. No more feeling bad for the Behrend family or Paul Behrend's "condition." Strange that finally, after more than two years, the sympathy ball stops rolling. It doesn't matter anymore. Iliana and Tawny Behrend are just going to visit a corpse who's hooked up to a breathing machine. The doctors are just waiting for us to pull the plug, so they can extract his liver, heart, and other vital organs. They're waiting to help the dying live and the dead die.
Room 128, his new room. They moved him, God knows why.
Andrew opens the door for me, and we step in together.
There's nothing there but an empty bed and a night stand.
Andrew turns to me. "Did they move him again?" he asks, eyebrows raised. I shrug. We search for the closest nurse, and I ask her where Paul Behrend might be. She glances at the room number and frowns slightly.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but they pulled the plug." She places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm really, truly sorry about your loss." She goes back to her routine of handing out pills and just overall shuffling around. I'm dumbfounded.
Why didn't anyone tell me?
Andrew squeezes my hand. "I'll take you back home. Looks like you need some rest." He tries his best to smile, but it's not working. His expression looks grim. "Tawny, let's go."
He wraps an arm around my waist and coaxes me to leave as I gaze at the patients lying in their uncomfortable hospital beds, the doctors taking coffee breaks in the cafeteria. "Tawny, it'll be okay. We'll figure out what happened." It must have been Aunt Iliana. Charcoal must be sick of paying the bills. My aunt is probably miserable. Canary Yellow doesn't want to be here.
Back to the coffee shop, and we climb into Andrew's station wagon. The ride home is quiet, and he doesn't attempt to break the silence. I murmur a "thanks", stepping back out into the rain. He walks me up to the door and kisses me goodbye. I smile slightly.
"I just ruined your day, didn't I?"
He shakes his head. "No, never." He kisses my forehead. "I'll see you later." I watch him casually stroll back to his car, and I turn around to go inside the house. Surprisingly, it's already open. I enter, taking off my soaked sneakers. Aside from Tickle-Me Pink and Fire Engine Red, Charcoal and Aunt Iliana are here.
Aunt Iliana's expression is grave. "Tawny, there's something we want to tell you."
♠ ♠ ♠
A long wait, and I'm sorry about this chapter being weird. It's the best I could do :/