Visible Monsters

"I already know." I stomp off, heading towards my room. I want to listen to that mixed again. And this time, I won't press "stop."

"Tawny, please, sit down." Aunt Iliana's voice pleads with me, and I continue up the stairs. "Tawny Ariel Behrend, come back down here!" she yells, and I halt. She never raises her voice. "There are so many people who are able to live because of your uncle...he would have wanted that," she defends nervously. I can see her hands quivering. The organ donor talk.

I turn around, marching up the spiral staircase.

"Couldn't you have at least told me what was going on? Was he not my uncle? The man who raised me? Did you think that I wouldn't care? Is that it?" I storm off to my room and slam the door shut. I see the picture frames on my walls shake, one of them falling to the floor.

CRASH.

It's a picture of Andrew and me at the pier, probably staring at the fish. Arin was secretly taking pictures with his stealthy Polaroid.

Knock, knock.

Pause.

"Tawny, honey, we didn't want you to get upset."

And not I'm not upset now?

"We knew you would object to the idea."

"Sweetheart, we're very sorry."

"Tawn, we're preparing for the viewing soon. We'd like for you to help. We'd like for you to pick out his garments. You knew which were his favorites."

"Please, Tawny, come out of there. We'd really like to talk to you about this, to clear up the misunderstandings."

"Tawny, please open this door!"

I cover my ears with my pillow and wish for the noises to stop.
_________

"Nice job, Queen Supreme. You landed a fantastic part." Kyle's happy I didn't land the part of Bianca, who is Sarah, a girl with frizzy blonde hair and a frightening smile. Rebecca is servant one. Keller is working behind the scenes. I'm Kate. Some guy named Blaine is Petruchio. He rolls his eyes when he spots me.

"Of all people...you? The other girls trying out were better than you, I'd say. Ralph really made a mistake this time around." Blaine laughs loudly, others moving about their own business. No one stands up for me; Andrew isn't here. "All you've got is a pretty face and a lack of skill in the art of acting. Honey, I suggest you go home, before all the other girls who didn't make it eat you alive."

"Oh, please. Mall goths can act better than you." Most of the other actors and actresses still ignore our bickering. Wise choice.

"Now, everyone, let's be nice," Ralph resolves. He ruffles his red hair and points to the stage, clipboard clamped under his arm. "Sly and the Hostess, you're up!"

I sprint for the iron doors, deciding to step outside for a breath of fresh air. Again, the rainclouds gather above my head, threatening a much worse storm than the one before. My cell phone vibrates in my pocket. "Hello?" I answer harshly, knowing it would be another apology.

"Tawny, I heard the news. I'm so sorry." Arin's fake sympathy makes my blood boil. The last thing I need is for someone else to lie to me. I'm sure he knew about the plot for a while. "Are you okay with going to rehearsal today?"

"I'm fine, thanks," I grumble, turning my phone off. The heavy door swings open, and Rebecca smiles sadly, long dark hair in a ponytail.

"You're up soon."

I mumble a "thanks" and go back inside, attempting to review my lines. Today is not a good day, nor will this entire week be. If anything, I wish Uncle Paul were still alive. I wish my parents weren't trailer trash idiots. I wish I weren't such a fucking pussy and would just get over this stupid part. I am Kate. For the next couple of minutes, I am not Tawny Ariel Behrend, crusader of lost causes.

I am Kate.

I am Kate.

I am Kate.

I take in a deep breath and skim my lines of the first scene. Blaine smirks, probably sensing my nervousness like a fucking bloodhound. Thank God he's not in this scene. If he were, I would reach for Baptista's sword and slay him.

"Ready to have your ass handed to you?" he harshly whispers from beneath the stage.

Take in deep breaths. I am Kate's fragile state of mind. I am in the Renaissance. I am in Italy. I am almost married off to two old men. I am the daughter of a rich man. I am the sister of the stereotypical perfect lady. I am evil, wicked. I am a shrew.

I am Kate.

I am Kate.

I am Kate.