Visible Monsters

Tonight, I am with Andrew and no one else.

I take a swig from a beer and hand it back to him. "You're not a drinker, are you?" he asks, chuckling. "Tawny, you don't have to drink if you don't want to." My toes feel warm; it's a strange feeling. I've never drunk so much beer in my life: four and a half bottles. "Honey, you're legally intoxicated. I think you should stop."

I hold out a hand as I swing my legs. We're sitting on top of his old station wagon, parked a good number of miles away from Daphne's summer house. "I think I'll be just fine, Mr. McMahon," I slur. He laughs some more. "I'm just fine."

"Tawny, you're really going to feel it tomorrow morning."

"Oh, hell, Andy. I can handle myself!"

"No, Tawn, I don't think you can." He helps me back down into the car. "Tawn, I'm going to drive you home."

"But I don't want to go home, Andy." I squirm, but he somehow gets me into the car. "I don't want to go home. No one's home."

"You'll be home, Tawn. And I'll stay with you if you want."

I fall asleep.

The next time I open my eyes, I'm in my room with a fairly large headache. My hand flails around for a cup of water on the night stand, which I find with great difficulty. I sit up carefully, guzzling the cup down. I hop into the shower and change my clothes from yesterday, debating whether to wash the sheets or not. I trudge down to the kitchen and spot Daphne and Andrew chatting at the table. "Well, hello there, my sleepy drunk princess," she greets sweetly.

"Well, hello there, my gossip-loving fairy," I retort, groggily looking for the small bottle of aspirin. "How was the party after we left?"

"Shitty." She frowns, taking a sip of her blueberry cobbler-flavored coffee. "Absolutely shitty. I couldn't believe the things they said about you two."

"The both of us?" Andrew raises his eyebrows. "What exactly did they say?"

"Just a load of bullshit." Daphne nibbles at her poppy seed bagel. "I'm not inviting them to any more parties; they're just awful."

I pour myself a cup of coffee after dry-swallowing two round, brown Advils. I dump three spoonfuls of sugar, swirling in a dash of creamer. "Daph, what happened to Arin?"

"Got himself a girlfriend, yes he did." She rolls her eyes. "Name's Desiree; don't really know much about her, except she smokes. A lot." Daphne taps the table. "I don't approve. The girl seems like a bad influence."

"She's a starving artist. Desiree's okay." I down half the cup.

"A starving artist?"

"She writes."

"What, exactly? I'd love to know." Daphne's jealous? Possibly. Andrew's holding in his laughter, I can tell. He covers his mouth with his right hand, and I trudge over to the table. "Well, Tawn? Are you going to tell me?"

"She's a novelist. Just hasn't had a big break yet."

She rolls her eyes again. "Whatever; at least I'm loaded, and I'm going to be a lawyer." Daphne checks her watch. "Gotta go pick up Madeline. She said she had a lot of fun. She wants to hang out with you today."

I eye Andrew, who raises his eyebrows at me. He frowns slightly. "Does that mean I can't tag along?" he asks, pouting.

"You can if you'd like."

"Oh, and Aunt Iliana called. She wanted to tell you that you made a good choice on the wardrobe. Apparently, the blue really goes with his eyes." Uncle Paul's dark blue eyes and the shirt...his eyes are going to be open during the viewing? "I think you should go visit her soon."

Everything's building up on me. "One thing at a time, please. Today, Madeline and Andrew. Later today, rehearsal for 'Taming'. Tomorrow or the day after, Aunt Iliana. 'Taming' rehearsal scattered throughout the week. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the show."

"You're popular, Tawn." Daphne laughs. "God, you've got so much stuff to do now. I'm proud of you!" It's my turn to roll my eyes, and then playfully slap her arm.

"Just go pick up my sister." I finish my coffee and gingerly place my mug in the sink before going upstairs to brush my teeth. Andrew stops me.

"Tawn, about yesterday...are you all right?"

I smile. "Andy, when this is all over, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah." I ruffle his hair. "Stop worrying about me."

"I can't." He lifts me off the floor, spinning me around in a circle. "Tawn, promise me something." Andrew presses his lips against mine. "Promise me you won't..." Pause. "You know what I mean?" I nod.

No more suicide attempts.

<<<<>>>>

The three of us are out at the pier, eating ice cream. The sun's setting, and we rode most of the rides here. The ferris wheel was fun; Andrew and Madeline went together, and it was cute. I can tell she's really attached to Andrew, surprisingly.

"Tawny, do you have rehearsal today?" Madeline waits patiently for my answer, which I hesitantly give. I don't want to disappoint her.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry." She just nods, staring at the sidewalk. Andrew stands up.

"How about we all go for a little walk?" He's trying to make light of the situation. He helps Madeline up, and she fixes her skirt just right. I check my cell phone: 5:50. I should really be going home.

"Andy, you should probably drop us off. It's getting late." She frowns, while Andrew tries to keep his optimism up. "There's always tomorrow, Maddie."

Her frown bursts into a grin. "So Andrew, you'll be at our house tomorrow?" she asks anxiously.

"Absolutely." He reaches for my hand. "That's if Tawny wants me there."

"Oh, Andy, what would I do without you?" I kiss his cheek.

"I'm not sure, Tawn."

I'm not sure either, Andrew.