Visible Monsters

I push my sunglasses up and stare at the beach. It's full of teenage girls sunbathing, boys surfing. I take a sip from my bottle of water, still looking out the window. The coffeeshop is quiet today, though I don't understand why. This place is usually bustling with its usual customers, people coming in and out to cool off from the hot sun.

"No Arin or Daphne?" I put my glasses on my head. I shake my head. It's been a week or two since Daphne's party at her parents' summer house. I haven't spoken to either one of my best friends, even though Daphne and I share a house together, about fifteen minutes walking distance from this very coffee shop. "Something wrong?" Andrew takes the seat across from me and frowns. "It's unhealthy to be so secluded from everyone, Tawny. They're worried about you."

Worried? About what? Tawny being herself?

Ludicrous.

"They don't want to see me." I get it. My friends are having fun without me. Big deal.

"No. They've been looking for you." Andrew sighs and runs a hand through his thick, wavy strawberry-blond hair. "I've heard that you've been running away from them. You've been hiding, locking yourself in your room. What's wrong, Tawny?"

"Nothing." Andrew doesn't need to know about my problems. He couldn't be able to stand them. Not even Arin or Daphne know about my home life. None of them can know my secret. "I've been feeling ill."

He scowls at me. "You're lying. You're an awful liar."

I take a swig from my water bottle. "It's my family. There are a few things going on, and I'd rather not talk about it." Vague, yet satisfying. Apparently not for Mr. McMahon. He pries further.

"Andrew, I hardly even know you. Why do you have a sudden interest in me?!" I shout, reaching for my bottle and marching out of the coffee shop. I cause quite a scene; the cashier and beach goers stare at me as I walk out. I stomp back home and lock myself in my room. I do this whenever someone wants to be friends: Shout, run away, and lock myself in my room. This is all I ever do.

I'm a whiny brat.

A couple of days after Daphne's party, my mother called me. That stupid white trash whore called me to ask how I was. I told her I was just fine. She told gave me a lecture about studying to become a lawyer and how it meant everything to her and my father.

My white trash son of a bitch father.

My worthless white trash family bothers to call me from their trailer park a ways away from here. An unsuitable environment for a child. The place where mommy and daddy brought this little "accident" into this world. The place where my hopes and dreams died when I visited them once Uncle Paul fell into a coma. Because Aunt Iliana told me I needed to see them at least once in my life.

To be quite honest, I don't think I need two money-hungry idiots in my life who just want their daughter to be rich. They don't care about her happiness. They don't care about how many awards for acting she's won.

They just want money.

And I'm miserable with my life. As of now, I can't make new friends. I ignore the friends I have. I lose the good friends I made in high school. Acquaintances turn against me. They call me "Tawny the Terrible" behind my back. It's high school all over again, but this time the other "drama fags" don't give a shit. It's Arin and Daphne fighting this challenge every day.

Knock, knock. "Tawny, can we talk?" Daphne's voice. Sad. Hurt. I say nothing. I know she'll walk in in a minute. And she does. "Tawny, I heard the message on the--"

"Delete it." I reach for my sunglasses. "I don't need to hear it again." Now that she's heard it, Daphne's going to give me a lecture about how I should "go after my dreams" and such. Something I really don't need right now. Another lecture.

"Hey, if you're going out, go find Andrew. He's at the beach." Daphne moves aside and follows me down the stairs. "He's really upset about how you walked out on him like that. Tawny, I know you're not a child, and I know you don't need to be talked down to, but you really can't do this anymore. It's not fair to those around you. We can't deal with this anymore."

I grab my keys and head out the door. I need to clear my head. Out I go, ignoring my nosy neighbors as they try and greet me. I can already see the rumors sprouting from their mouths. Back at the beach, I hide in the coffee shop again, my sunglasses over my eyes. This time, there's more tourists at the beach, splashing around and laughing. Having fun.

"Tawny, I'm sorry." Andrew's voice. I don't understand why he's apologizing. "I didn't mean to pry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's not your fault. I should be apologizing." I don't feel guilty, but it's the right thing to do. And Daphne's wrong: This is the new Tawny. There is no way I can go back. "I'm sorry, Andrew. It was incredibly rude of me."

"It's all right." He takes a seat across from me again. "Are you still willing to talk to me?"

I smile slightly. Persistent. He's trying to be a good friend. I'm not sure if I like this. I'm not sure if I want more friends. I don't like getting out of my comfort zone. "Maybe," I reply.

The New Tawny doesn't want to change for anyone.