Break Me

“Jeremy, I kissed Pattyn because she’s in love with me,” I told him.
“I know she’s in love with you! I realized that this morning! But why did you kiss her?”
“Because I talked to her, Jeremy. And I’ve kissed her before, the night I met you. That was when I realized I was gay, and that I didn’t want Pattyn.” I paused, but he just stared at me.
“I’m in love with Pattyn, Jeremy. But something much stronger overcame that. You.”
“You...your in love with her?”
“Yes. But I love you more.” I kissed him again.
“See? Proof. I never kissed Pattyn like this,” I whispered. Jeremy pulled away roughly. I frowned, trying to figure out what I did wrong.
“Lust isn’t the same as love, Jaden!” He screamed. I understood my mistake now. I had kissed him and tried to use it as proof of my love for him.
“What do I have to do to prove I love you?” I asked, a bit harshly. Jeremy had looked like he wanted to say something, but my question stopped him short. He thought for a minute.
“I don’t know.” And suddenly I knew what to do, what to say. It was time to tell him. I pulled my shirt over my head and heard Jeremy suck in a breath at my exposed bruises.
“What...happened to you?”
“My dad,” I whispered. Jeremy sank to his knees in the soft grass, still staring up at me.
“Jeremy, my dad has been beating me since I was a kid. I never told you. I never told my dad I was gay, because I would get the ultimate beating for it. You know I used to be homophobic. My dad made me that way. You never visited my dad, never met him, because he would kill you for being my boyfriend. I’ve been trying to protect you from all this. I think thats proof enough.” I said the entire thing in only a few breaths. Jeremy was extremely pale, staring up at me like he had seen a ghost. I felt hollow.
“Why don’t you fight back?” he finally choked out.
“Emily.” He nodded, understanding. He looked...devastated. My heart sunk. I shouldn’t have told him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice cracked. He was crying, moist tears seeping from his eyes, pouring down his tender face. He was still on his knees, and I felt my eyes go moist.
“I was trying to protect you, Jeremy. I didn’t realize you would find out eventually, and that it would hurt more then. I did it because I love you,” I said, crying now. My voice broke on the last three words.
“I love you, too,” Jeremy said, his voice filled with emotion. I closed my eyes briefly. Those words were the most important words in the world to me at the moment. Jeremy loved me. I stiffly crossed the distance between us, dropped to his side. In seconds we were tangled in each others arms, wishing we were never separated. For an instant I thought of the other big secret I was keeping from him, but I quickly shoved the thought away. I knew I would have to tell him, but not right now. Not while we were still dealing with one issue.
“I love you, Jeremy,” I mumbled.
“I know that now. This is more than lust. It’s love.” He smiled gently. I reached out and took off his shirt. I roamed over his perfect chest, and I felt his fingers on mine. I knew my chest was less than perfect, and sensitive, with its bruises. I also knew that he loved it anyway.
I think thats why I was gay. A gay boy accepts anything, and everyone, because he’s so different himself. Pattyn accepts me, but thats not the same thing. Jeremy would have my back all the way, love me for all eternity. And he would love me, for me.