If I Only Had The Heart

Earlier this morning had definitely not gone as I had planned. I was only looking out for Riley, I wanted to keep her safe. But I just couldn’t understand why she insisted on doing things that put her out into harm’s way. Maybe because of the fact that she had been attacked like that before she figured nothing that could happen to her could trump that. But I don’t think she realizes that there are some pretty sick fucks out there who I’m sure have a laundry list of things completely worse than what happened to Riley. And now thanks to my big mouth, the few steps closer to her I had just gained I lost, starting back at square one. Knowing that if I had even dared to head after her, or go back to our shared room this morning it would’ve only led in her most likely throwing something at me. And that would’ve led to everyone being woken up trying to find out what was going on. So I skipped out on going back this morning, instead I crashed at the indoor pool, on one of the many lawn chairs, that folded out. Waking up in an uncomfortable position I noted that I probably should’ve just slept on the floor than cramped up on the chair. My neck was stiff, and my back ached as I stood up from the chair, stretching. I couldn’t wait to get some actual sleep, if only it wouldn’t be couple days until we got to stay in another hotel.

Not bothering to head up to the hotel room I made my way through the ground floor hallways that eventually led me to the continental breakfast buffet they had. Scanning the room, just as I had expected, everyone was down here, still in their pajamas, eating and drinking their hearts desire. Dragging my feet I made my way to the table, where Pat and Riley still stood. Grabbing a white ceramic plate I found myself standing next to Riley, watching her pile on fruit salad onto her plate, while I myself had grabbed a chocolate muffin, “Look, I’m sorry about what I said last night,” in a whispered tone.

She didn’t say a word as she continued to put fruit onto her plate, but then spoke, but not to me. But rather Patrick, “Pattycakes can you please tell the jolly green giant to go fuck off.”

I sighed, apparently she wasn’t going to let this go, and before I knew it she was no longer by my side, I turned back to see Pat looking at me oddly, before asking, “Do I really have to repeat? Cause I’m pretty sure you heard her, jolly green giant,” he smiled before walking off with his fruit salad joining the rest of the gang at the two tables they had pushed together allowing all of them to sit together. Making myself a cup of coffee I headed over to the only open chair, just my luck, was right next to Riley. Immediately upon sitting down I was bombarded with questions, the most common, “Where were you man?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I went for a walk, couldn’t sleep,” I told them not wanting to relive last night. They all seemed to believe my story before going back to their own previously started conversations. Scarfing down my muffin, I excused myself from the table wanting to go back up to the room before we had to hit the road.

[--]

“How much longer till we get there?” I asked from the bench behind the driver’s seat where Jared currently sat, with Kennedy in the passenger seat. I was on one of my mood swings today, and everyone could think the jolly green giant in the back row who was trying to get some sleep. Which I was sure to stop from happening anyway that I could. My first approach was just to annoy all those in the van, be acting like a typical five year old constantly asking if we were there yet, or how much longer. To the boys, specifically Jared and Kenny it was annoying as hell, I could hear it from the underlying tone in their voices. The first five times they didn’t comment, or say it in a tone, but once I started asking every five minutes on came the groans and aggravated sighs. I was definitely hitting a nerve with these two, and eventually Garrett and Pat began to join in. Then Tim, leaving out the only person who I was actually determined to annoy.

“Five minutes less than the last time I told you,” Jared answered me, still keeping his eyes on the road. I sighed, obviously not thinking about it the night before I did not charge my ipod, leaving me with absolutely nothing to do. What to do, what to do. Well I could throw things at Garrett’s almost asleep body next to me, but that would be mean. He had to share a bed with Kenny last night, who by the way has a problem with making odd noises in his sleep. So scratch that idea. I could probably get Pat to play I Spy with me, but he was intently staring at the screen of Garrett’s laptop. Most likely he was playing a game or watching a movie. I guess I could’ve done the same, but it would’ve caused John no discomfort. Which would be no fun, so I crossed that option off my list. Tim had obviously just knocked out, for his head was swaying, his face towards the ceiling, snapping backwards in motion, waking him for seconds before he snoozed off once more. It seemed everyone had a rough night, not only me.

“Are we there yet?” I asked setting my forehead against the glass window, watching cars pass us by.

“Riles, it hasn’t been even ten minutes!” Kennedy yelled back at me, not even stopping whatever he was doing, to look at me.

What was his point? Did he not realize I was bored? And that I had obviously nothing else to do? I swear my brother was so oblivious most of the times. I hit my forehead against the glass multiple times, making a loud thumping noise, not getting anyones attention, at all. Leaning away from the window, and back into my seat I brought my legs up onto the bench with me, folding them indian style, “Are w-” I wasn’t even able to finish my sentence when something collided with the back of my head, shutting me up real quick. My hand automatically went to the point of impact, and turned to see John’s glaring eyes staring at me, from beyond the benches, shirtless as he leaned over the last bench, “Say it one more time, and I’ll personally throw you out of the van myself.”

Glad to have struck a nerve, I turned in my seat, settling into the bench once more, slinking down all the way, I opened my mouth, “Are we almost there yet?” I whined as I heard not only Kenny and Jared groan, but John, who was most likely lying down in the back of the van, wishing that he could in fact throw me out of the van. This tour may just turn out to be fun after all.