Drunk in Paris

“Hello again”
Billie had just walked through the door, new jacket on his shoulders, chiming the bell and sending shivers up my back.
“Hi” I grinned back at him, shoving my touch up make up back into my purse. He was half an hour late, but it felt like a life time of waiting, I knew he wouldn’t be on time.
“Sorry, I err, was held up.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and two -stepped nervously.
“It’s alright, let me just lock up…”
Jumping down from my seat I grabbed the keys and my coat.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked as I followed him out onto the street and locked the door.
“Café?” he asked, “You pick, you know the good places around here.”
I nodded, leading the way down the cobbled street, “There’s a good place down the road… it makes its own wine.”
Billie smiled, “Okay sounds great”
Silence erupted between us. It was awkward, there were so many things that could be said to each other, good and bad…but we both knew that this wasn’t the time for the bad. Maybe, just maybe there never will be a time and a place to say such things.
I found my pace hastening, I had to get to this café as quick as possible; I just wanted this weird atmosphere to end.

“This is it”
My voice cracked into almost a whisper as Billie immediately stopped and turned outside a small café called ‘Le Sanctuaire de Vin.’
Me and Mme Vale would often come and eat here; it was a place popular with the locals, not many tourists ventured past its cream doors.
I opened said doors and let Billie walk through first; an immediate waft of tobacco entered my nostrils as we sat down at a wooden table near the back of the shop.
“What would you like?” I asked him, as we sat down opposite each other.
“Err…what are you having?” he nervously glanced at the menu written only in French.
I smiled, “Wine.”
Billie thought for a moment before answering me, “Go on then I’ll have that too.”
I scampered off to the bar and ordered. As the waitress fetched a bottle and two glasses I took a moment to turn around and look at him. Partly because I thought he may run away at any opportune moment but also because I still couldn’t quite believe that he was here. He eyes wandered around the small room with interest and my heart fluttered, I was such a sucker for those eyes.
Maybe this was a bad idea. We had only been in each other’s company for five minutes but in those five minutes I had fell in love with him all over again, but the conversation had run dry.
I prayed this awkwardness would just be temporary; we were both very wary, I was nervous of saying the wrong thing; he was probably regretting asking me out for drinks in the first place.

“So you live here now?”
I nodded as I poured out the alcohol into each large glass after taking my seat.
“Yes, it’s my sixth month here. I work in that small vintage shop, it’s humble but I like it.”
Billie nodded, taking up his glass and sipping at the drink.
“Nice wine…I knew you would come and live here eventually, you and Paris…they just…well go you know?” he smiled smacking his lips together and pulling in his chair slightly closer to the table.
I took a gulp from my own drink…silence… gauche silence…
“I…I tried to call you”
I looked up at him, eyebrow arching in surprise.
“You did?”
“Yeah” he smiled, “After you flew home, I tried calling you but…”
“I threw my phone away when I moved here, so…so they…well because I decided to have a big change in my life” I fiddled with the stem of my wine glass uncomfortably.
“I realised that. So I wrote to you.” His voice was calm but his words shot a bullet of confusion through me,
I frowned at him, “What?”
His eyes glinted, “I wrote to you, well because I know you don’t live in this century, no computer or email or anything and you know how busy I am…”
“…Yes, your right, I’m not a technology whiz but I didn’t mean that…I mean...how did you know where I lived?”
Billie shifted uncomfortably at my interruption. Things obviously weren’t as simple as I first thought.
“Err yes, well…”
He pulled a hand through his hair, “Okay…I may as well just tell you. When you left, Tre told me everything you told him and I felt really bad so I got in touch with a friend of yours, Charles…”
I froze. Billie had spoken to Charles?
“…I, I got into contact with him through John Hughes and then… Richard is it? He told me to ring Charles because only he knew where you were going…”
“But Charles doesn’t know where I am. I only told him I was going to Paris.” My head pounded… what the hell?
“He gave me your address and everything…”

I looked down to my hand which had begun to tremble…Charles knew where I was? All along? Had he followed me? Had he known where I was all this time? I hadn’t been free after all…
Billie’s voice continued to drift through my ears, but it seemed muted, I stared at him, desperately searching his sweet face for answers. I couldn’t escape could I? Foolishly telling Charles where I was going had led me to be parented these past two years.
Why couldn’t he just let me LIVE my life?
Before I knew it I had stood up and I was running out the door, outside into the street.
I felt pathetic. Was I so stupid that he thought I couldn’t do this alone? Had I not achieved all this by myself? Was I just naïve? I bet Charles asked Mme Vale to give me a job at the store, asked her to watch me, told the estate agent to give me that apartment opposite the Lourve…
The rain began to drizzle down heavier, making my dress stick to my legs as I clacked down the damp street towards the shop in my, now very wet, heels.
I felt like a puppet, how stupid of me to think I could escape from his clutches…why couldn’t Charles just let me go? I wasn’t a little girl anymore…

Tears were now streaming down my cheeks, I heard Billie calling my name, but he seemed so far away, I didn’t want him to see me anyhow. How could I face him now? I hadn’t changed my life for the better at all.
“AVA!”
I suddenly found myself being swung around; coming face to face with those dazzling features of his. The rain was running down his cheeks, his hair beginning to stick to his head.
I collapsed forwards into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably, he had come here and I didn’t deserve this, he shouldn’t be here, he should find someone strong, someone who could look after him, who can live their own life…
“Ava, Ava, come on…”
“Billie, I…I can’t believe it…I’m so stupid, when…when you found out about me I was determined to change and I left…I left it all… but…but he…he still has this control over my life…why can’t he leave me alone!”
Billie clutched me tighter as I sobbed harder into his chest; in the cold misty rain he was warm and comforting, reminding me why I had fallen in love with him in the first place.
“Ava…this is my fault…I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I should have helped you immediately …I’m sorry…I’m so sorry”
His arms pulled me even closer to him, his hand brushing through my wet hair.
“It wasn’t you Billie…but I never got your letter…he must have…taken it…”
My voice hitched, “I’m so sorry Billie…things would have been easier if we had never met.”
“No! Ava! Don’t say things like that…”
He pulled me away from his chest to look at my face. A frown hovering over his eyes, his lips pursed, rain dripping down from the curves in his face.
My heart melted at one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen, “Look at this now…you’re even getting wet because of me…” I half chuckled, half sobbed.
Billie smiled that million dollar heart-melting smile again.
His hands still held my torso tightly; I began to calm down as I stared into those emerald eyes. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him wildly here under the romantic rain.
He probably read my mind as he chuckled, drip drops of reign falling from his nose.
“We should go inside Ava, before we get frozen…”
I giggled, “Yes your right…let’s go”
I turned and walked further down the street, darting back into the shop. He followed me inside, shivering and shaking his head like a dog.
“There are some towels in the bathroom I’ll go and get them hang on.”
I ran into the back to grab the towels. So, was Billie here because of fate? Or did he just choose to come here?
I handed him the cloth quickly, quite embarrassed of my previous rather dramatic actions.
“Thanks” he grinned rubbing the towel through his hair and over his face.
“I’m, I’m sorry about…well…everything” Billie whispered handing me back the towel.
I smiled throwing the damp cloth on the counter behind me.
“What…what did your letter say?” I asked bashfully.
Billie shifted on his feet, “Well…I apologised and, I told you how much you meant to me…”

My eyes swelled up, “I wish I could have read it…”
I sniffed, determined not to cry again as I shifted up on the counter and sat down. Billie slowly walked forwards and joined me.
“Guess we should wait a while till the rain stops before we go and eat.”
I smiled, “We’re going to eat?”
He chuckled, “Yeah, if you want to that is.”
I nodded, “I’d love to.”
We both began to swing our legs over the counter like small kids. The only sound being the rain hitting the shop window furiously.
The question was niggling at me, I had to ask…I couldn’t help it…
“So you knew I was here?”
Billie nodded significantly, “Yeah I knew, I wanted to come out sooner but I couldn’t. I know I could have called you but it didn’t feel right…I had to see you. I want things to be sorted out.”
I nodded, “So a girl called Camel didn’t tell you about the shop then?”
He sniggered, “Well yeah, I thought it was a coincidental seemingly perfect excuse to drop by for a new jacket…”
I chuckled.
“I’m glad you took the advice…how have you been anyway?”
Billie shifted slightly, “I’ve been okay thanks. What about you?”
I sighed, “Yeah I’ve been great up until I found out that Charles was still running my life.”
Billie stayed silent; he obviously didn’t know what to say to that bitter comment.
“I’m sorry, we haven’t spoken in a long time and I have already cried, got us both soaking wet and said the most awkward things in the space of half an hour.”
Billie snorted, “Times like this makes me wish we’d a worked out.”

Now it was my turn to feel uncomfortable, I glanced out of the window, watching the rain lash against its surface violently.
“I guess that was my awkward comment moment then” Billie sighed.
I glanced at my grubby shoes,
“And yep that was another” he smirked
He started chuckling next to me, “See awkward comments are my speciality. It’s probably why they were so relieved to get rid of me in the convention thing. I kept saying stupid things about the clothes.”
I smiled, “Like what?”
Billie’s cheeks flushed for a moment and my heart went all gooey within my chest for just a second.
“I told a boy that he should buy the Draven brand shorts because they wear better for skating…”
I frowned at him in confusion,
“…my label is called Adeline.”
I burst out laughing as he chuckled silently, watching me.
“Ah well at least your honest” I grinned.
“The others weren’t too happy.” He shrugged, “but its okay coz he still bought a cap.”
“Thank God, for a second there I thought you, the millionaire had lost out on a few euros.”
Billie nudged me playfully. For a second it felt like all the drama between us had vanished.
“So have you met any new and exciting famous people since we last spoke?”
Billie grinned, “Well you know, the odd few…”
I smiled.
“How about you Ava? Any French men stolen your heart?”
I shook my head; he knew that there was no one else to compare to him.
“No…”
“THAT surprises me…I know what French men are like.” He snorted.
I giggled, “So do I…”
“They don’t compare to American men though” he chuckled, dusting off his shoulders.
“No, that’s true I think American men stand on their own in their entire refinery.”
“Hey” he joked, nudging me once again.
“What about you? Any French women caught your eye?”
“What in the 12 hours I’ve been in France? No.”
I smiled, “Any women of any origin then?”
Billie moved away from me slightly. Just that simple gesture made my stomach plummet. He had.
“Err…well…not really…”

Oh shit. He had.
He had...
He had found someone else...Why did I ask that question?
He continued to talk but I wasn't listening...I was lost in my own grief.

I’m not going down on my knees begging you to adore me, however much misery and torture it is for me.

I guessed I could probably give up trying to show him how important he is to me.
His heart no longer had me within it and that rejection was making me feel sick.
He coughed, looking like he regretted saying anything.
“I went out on a couple of dates with one of Brittany’s friends…Sarah…but it’s just two dates. Nothing big to sing and dance about.”
I nodded, “It’s been a long time and…”
“Oh no, no, it’s nothing huge…”
We both looked at each other for a moment, I couldn’t shift the feeling that I was easy to replace. Of course this handsome talented man staring at me like a frightened drowned rat had been out with another girl. A beautiful, equally talented respectful girl who wasn’t a liar and above all wasn’t a hooker.
I sighed, looking away from his gaze and up at the window, Billie followed my eye line.

“I guess the rain is off, let’s go eat.”
He jumped from the counter and took hold of my hand pulling me after him.
He obvioulsy wanted to change the subject as quick as possible.
However I wasn’t sure about this, what did he expect to happen now? I was devastated, I didn’t care how dramatic that sounded. I was truly overwhelmed, that pink elephant has just let rip all over the shards of the store window that he flew in.
I was so disappointed, I had found him but he had found someone else.
That’s cupid laughing at me again.
I’m going to dinner with the man I love as a friend.
How humiliating.
How heartbreaking.
How idiotic of me.