The World Is Ugly

April 2, 2000

It was Sunday morning, the clock on the wall read five forty five in the morning. The museum was empty, the only historical place open twenty four hours. I stood in the art section, staring blankly at old Egyptian drawings. Nothing I read or saw was sinking in, I wasn't in the state to learn anything. I hadn't been in a long time, probably for years. Everything I did, I did because my body told me to, nothing anyone ever told me was remembered, and for some reason I didn't mind. This was my job, my hobby, my life. I ate and I drank and I stayed here. Five years ago, I was in high school dreaming about being on stage, and now I didn't even listen to music. Things live and die and come and go and make an impact on some people but nothing ever stays the same, nothing except this old museum which even every now and then got new stories to tell.

The sun came through the window, setting a glare on some glass and warming the dead artifacts. Something about this museum reminded me that everyone and everything you ever come in contact with will eventually leave you, and in the end you're going to die alone. Museums were supposed to bring old shit back to life, to remind the viewer where they came from and how much the humans have improved since then. Instead, they reminded me that life was short and meaningless, no matter what we accomplished in life we were still going to pass away and after a short while, nobody would care.

"Interesting?" A quiet, somewhat familiar voice shook me from my thoughts. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember where I had heard the sound before. High school was the last time I had really talked to anybody, but not very many people my age were up at six thirty, and even less came to the museum.

"I'm not really paying attention, to tell you the truth." My feet pivoted, my body turning around to face the person. His skin was really pale, as if it hadn't seen daylight in quite a while. His face looked round and sort of feminine, supported by long, jet black hair which fell to his shoulders. He wore a black t-shirt, black jeans, and dirty black shoes. His lips were somewhat thin, and his eyes were dark hazel. It wasn't just his voice that seemed familiar.

"Understandable." The man nodded, his eyes narrowing briefly, as if trying to read me, before smiling and walking around to the other exhibits. His right hand came up to scratch the back of his head, yawning. He didn't seem interested in anything his eyes focused on, instead he seemed lost in thought, occasionally talking to himself, trying to decide on something. It all seemed too familiar, I had to of seen this guy somewhere before.

"Do you remember me?" The guy spoke, his eyes still glued to a plasterboard. He seemed kind of anxious, yet he definitely looked weary of my answer. His eyes came up to meet mine, a smile no longer on his face, his eyes once again narrowed. "We met in high school."

Oh. My. God.

My eyes stared back into his as I strained to give him no communication. His eyes reflected hurt and memory, going back to our last year of high school. He wasn't just someone I met in high school, he was my best friend. My best friend that left; without warning or explanation, without saying where he was going or what he was going to do. He was my everything, the only thing I had, and he left me. I definitely remembered him.

For four years he stood by my side, no matter what happened, and I stood by his. He swore to me that he would never leave, that he loved me and that nothing would ever change that. I loved him too. I never told him, I never had to. We knew everything about eachother. Sometimes it felt like we knew eachother more then we knew ourselves, but it was always alright and we were both always there, no matter what.

"No."

His eyes softened, and his shoulders relaxed. "Alright," he spoke, nodding. "Just forget I said something." He let out a small sigh, walking away from what he was looking at and over to me. His eyes met mine again, this time with no determination. "I would of thought... You just meant more to me, you know?" He shrugged and scratched his head. "Of course you don't," falling from his lips in a mumble.

"Why are you here?" The question found its way out of my mouth, for a moment he looked almost excited. "I mean, it's so early." I rephrased the question. He bit his lip.

"I wanted to feel normal again. My name's Gerard, by the way."

I know.

"Oliva."

Gerard nodded, and I swore an 'I know' was going through his head too. For some reason he didn't try bringing back any memories, probably fearful of how I'd react. He left, he came back, he couldn't patch things up without trying. I wanted to believe that I wouldn't cave, that I wouldn't just jump up and beg to be in his life again, but lying to myself wasn't something I did. I also wanted to believe that he wanted me back in his life just as much as I did, but that clearly wasn't the case.

Something in this guy had changed, something dark and deep and too far down to realize right now. He had always been a dark person, a vengeful person, someone who hated society. However, back then he was still innocent and now he just didn't seem it.

What had he been up to?

"I know you remember me. I can see it in your eyes, and I know I did a shitty thing but what you're doing right now is pretty shitty too." Fury raced in his eyes, hurt hidden underneath the fake disgust he was trying to pull off. "I know leaving was unfair to you and I know I promised, I get that but I'm here now Goddamnit! Will you talk to me? Please? I need you.. to talk to me."

"What do you expect me to say?" It comes out in a whisper, something that isn't supposed to be heard but is.

His eyes soften, a smile placed on his lips, and before I know what's happening I'm embraced in his arms. His head in my neck, his sobs shaking the both of us. Gerard was crying, and I was the being supporting him. Even Gerard, who seemed unbreakable five minutes ago, was breaking down. The corners of my mouth turn up a little, a smile small but true. Here we were, together once again. Even if it was only for a short while.

And you thought you would be the one to collapse.