Vegas Boys

Banner by Insane Gravity. <3


Banner by Jon Walker. <3

"Well, you survived four whole years of high school--the least you could do is smile," I told Brendon sarcastically, but I couldn't help but grin myself.

Through the camera lens, I watched the corners of his lips twitch upward in a smile that didn't do his usual toothy one justice. Standing just outside the gymnasium with all the other seniors, who were all dressed in identical graduation caps and gowns, he didn't look very happy at all. I snapped the picture anyway.

"You know, after all the griping and complaining you've done this year, I was expecting you to be at least a little excited to be leaving," I said, half-jokingly.

Brendon glanced at the picture I'd just taken on my digital camera disinterestedly and handed the camera back to me. "I think I am excited, somewhere deep down," he said, frowning. "I think I'm so many different things right now that I can't feel any of them."

I smiled at him despite the hollow aching in my chest (it reminded me that we only had three days left together.) I kissed him briefly; he didn't respond until I had almost pulled away. "Maybe if you got rid of all the bad feelings, it'd be a little less crowded in there," I suggested, patting the place on his chest where I could feel his heart beating.

He let out a bitter half-laugh. "I wish it was that easy," he mumbled.

I just looked at him for a moment and I didn't know what to say. In the past few days, I had decided to take a positive outlook on our situation, because it couldn't be helped and Brendon deserved to be happy and excited about all the opportunities he was getting. This should have been the happiest time of his life, and I was, purposely or not, making it miserable for him. So I had tried my best to just be happy for him, and encourage him, and let him know that I would still be here when he returned.

But, just as he had said, it wasn't that easy. There was always that dread in the back of my mind, the nagging voice that wouldn't let me forget about the inevitable departure--and I knew it tormented him too, I could see it in his warm brown eyes when he kissed me sometimes.

And he didn't deserve that. He deserved to chase his dreams without worrying about anything else. He deserved to go out and do what he was made to do without worrying about me. I couldn't stand in the way of that. I wouldn't.

-----

Brendon's parents didn't come to the graduation ceremony, of course, but he didn't seem to miss them. Maybe it was because he was used to their absence by now, or because he had more pressing matters to worry about--but, for whatever reason, he never mentioned them, and I didn't bring them up, either.

We went out for ice cream, and just walked through the park, enjoying the bright June sunshine and being free from school. (Though this freedom didn't last forever: I would be back there in a few months, without Brendon--but I hastily pushed that thought aside.)

We came to a little stone bridge over a duckpond (which was really more like a river), and stood hand-in-hand against the railing, watching the ducks swim around beneath us. Neither of us said anything for the longest time; just being together was enough.

Suddenly Brendon dropped my hand and slipped his arms around my waist instead, pulling me into him. My arms fell naturally about his waist, and I rested my forehead on his shoulder; he rubbed my back for a while, and we just stood there, rocking back and forth slightly.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, Kels," he mumbled into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

I just nodded into his shoulder, without raising my head, so he couldn't see that I was crying. He didn't need to know how much it hurt--it wouldn't change things anyway.

-----

It was Saturday--that fateful Saturday--and so the airport was crowded as our departure group made its tearful way to the right gate. Brendon had crammed three suitcases full of almost every one of his belongings, save for some furniture and a few major appliances, but he still found a way to hold my hand as we wound our way among frazzled travelers. His palm was warm and moist against mine, which was unusual--Brendon was never nervous. But the anxiety in his face as he set his bags down and took a long look at me--drinking in my features, filing them away, saving them for a later date--was nothing compared to the erratic stuttering of my pulse. I was sure sure that if I didn't die of sorrow, the heart attack would kill me.

Spencer's and Brent's parents and grandparents and sisters bid them goodbye, and over Brendon's shoulder I glimpsed Ryan's girlfriend clinging to him desperately (her eyes were all red and puffy and her face was screwed up in this horribly unflattering expression--shit, did I look like that?) as they said their goodbyes. Then Brendon sighed and scratched his thick hair, fidgeting, which wasn't really anything new for him--but it seemed to hold a new gravity now.

"So..." he began, taking both of my hands in his and just staring at them together. Mine were shaking, and so were his, and so it wasn't so much a comfort as it was an affirmation that this was, indeed, the day we'd both been dreading for months. "I guess this is it," he said.

"Yeah." My throat was dry, and my voice came out all hoarse and scratchy, so I swallowed hard and tried again. "Look, Brendon..." His warm brown eyes met mine expectantly. "Please don't ruin this for yourself just because of me. You should be happy. You're living your dream." I tried to smile, and hoped it didn't come out looking as sad as I felt.

His features scrambled to arrange themselves into a smile, too; it didn't work out so well. "Yeah," he agreed softly. "It's so hard, because the day I found out...it was the best day of my life and the worst day of my life, all in one.... This is the best thing that's ever happened to me...and it's the worst."

I shook my head and tried hard not to cry. "No. It's the best. Just the best." I took a deep, shaky breath to chase the tears away and then gushed, "I mean, we have the rest of our lives to be together. How many chances do you get to make your dream come true? You have to take it when you get it." I paused, and said sincerely, "And it's not like this is the end. I'll wait for you. I'll still be here when you get back. I promise."

His dark eyes glittered and he blinked furiously, but it didn't do much good; little tear droplets escaped and clung about his eyelashes. I reached up and wiped them away, and he took my hands and kissed them.

"And I promise I'll come back for you," he declared wholeheartedly. "I'll be back soon."

I just nodded, biting my lip and closing my eyes to keep the tears in.

He pulled me into him, and I cried silently into his shoulder for a while as he buried his face in my neck; I had a feeling he was crying, too. When we finally released each other somewhat, he kissed my temple and said, "I love you, I swear I do. A million miles away, I'll still love you."

The words, and the look in his eyes as he uttered them, set something deep inside of me alight, and all I could manage to choke out was, "I love you, too."

He hugged me again, holding me so tightly that I hoped he'd never let go. I turned my head slightly and kissed the smooth skin just below his ear.

And I couldn't help it. As much as I had wanted to just be happy for him, to encourage him, to be selfless and give him up so he could chase his dreams--as much as I had wanted to do all that for him, the reflex reaction--panic--set in, and I clung to him. "Don't leave me," I pleaded. I couldn't help it. I loved him too much to give him up so easily, even when I knew it was what was best for him.

He held me tighter, and kissed what parts of my face he could reach frantically. "Shhh, Kels," he murmured, pained, desperate to soothe my tears. "It's only for a little while. I'll be back for you soon. I promise."

I nodded, and stopped crying, and wiped my eyes, and let him go. I kissed him one last time and then he picked up his bags and walked away with his three bandmates, towards fame and fortune and everything else he had always dreamed of--leaving me alone in Vegas.