Fix You
The Beginning
Oh, fuck. This can't be right. I was three seconds away from shooting myself in the face. I would have gladly jumped out the window, onto the cement walk below. Anything but this. Fuck.
"Hey, Buddy?" I opened the bathroom door a crack. I could see into my boyfriend's room. He was playing a video game with Mike, his brother-in-law.
"Yeah, babe?" He called out, not looking away from the television. Shit, how was I gonna say this? My thoughts were frantic, I was about to start bawling right there.
"Bud? Can you come here for a minute?" He glanced over at me. Realizing the urgency of the situation, he got off the pillow he was sitting on. Mike looked over and grinned when he saw Buddy joining me in the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet, my shoulders already shaking. Preparing for the coming sobs. Buddy kneeled down and looked at me, concern etched in his pale face.
"Baby?" He whispered, I was crying. Gesturing to the sink, he understood what was going on.
There on the chipped counter top was the little stick that ruined my life in three minutes. The word pregnant leared at us. Buddy's beautiful green eyes widdened. Shocked he looked at me, I nodded. I was ashamed, not only did I ruin my future, I ruined his. He was probably going to break up with me, or murder me, or...
...Give me the biggest hug of my life. Stunned, I barely registered my boyfriend kissing my face, my hands, everything. Telling me how great this would be, how awesome parents we would be. I couldn't come to terms, what the hell? Was this invasion of the body snatchers? My boyfriend, the man who still gets high with his friends, the guy who plays video games all day, still lives with his mom, and has no job, was happy about becoming a father? It was surreal.
I wasn't listening as he rambled on and on about how exciting this was and how much he loved me and this was going to be great. I was in shock. Why wasn't he freaking out? Maybe he was ready to be a father, he was twenty-one. I on the other hand, had always dreamed of being a mother but at the age of eighteen? Just turned eighteen, just about to start college eighteen? I didn't think so. In fact I knew I wasn't ready. But there was nothing I could do, well nothing I could allow myself to do.
"Hey, Buddy?" I opened the bathroom door a crack. I could see into my boyfriend's room. He was playing a video game with Mike, his brother-in-law.
"Yeah, babe?" He called out, not looking away from the television. Shit, how was I gonna say this? My thoughts were frantic, I was about to start bawling right there.
"Bud? Can you come here for a minute?" He glanced over at me. Realizing the urgency of the situation, he got off the pillow he was sitting on. Mike looked over and grinned when he saw Buddy joining me in the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet, my shoulders already shaking. Preparing for the coming sobs. Buddy kneeled down and looked at me, concern etched in his pale face.
"Baby?" He whispered, I was crying. Gesturing to the sink, he understood what was going on.
There on the chipped counter top was the little stick that ruined my life in three minutes. The word pregnant leared at us. Buddy's beautiful green eyes widdened. Shocked he looked at me, I nodded. I was ashamed, not only did I ruin my future, I ruined his. He was probably going to break up with me, or murder me, or...
...Give me the biggest hug of my life. Stunned, I barely registered my boyfriend kissing my face, my hands, everything. Telling me how great this would be, how awesome parents we would be. I couldn't come to terms, what the hell? Was this invasion of the body snatchers? My boyfriend, the man who still gets high with his friends, the guy who plays video games all day, still lives with his mom, and has no job, was happy about becoming a father? It was surreal.
I wasn't listening as he rambled on and on about how exciting this was and how much he loved me and this was going to be great. I was in shock. Why wasn't he freaking out? Maybe he was ready to be a father, he was twenty-one. I on the other hand, had always dreamed of being a mother but at the age of eighteen? Just turned eighteen, just about to start college eighteen? I didn't think so. In fact I knew I wasn't ready. But there was nothing I could do, well nothing I could allow myself to do.