Miserable at Best

Deciding I didn't want to take a shower imediately I pulled out my laptop and connected to the internet and chatted with a few friends from back home. They were curious to say the least. What was it like traveling with your husband, who happens to be a pop punk band on the rise? If I told them how it really was they wouldn't be satisfied. I told them what I would want to hear if the roles had been switched. It was amazing, they played nearly every night. I helped sell their merch, while all the while making great friends with everyone.

Now I could sit on this comfortable hotel bed and pity myself, but I wouldn't waste time pitying myself when nothing could ever change this. Shutting my laptop I grabbed the wet towel and put it in the bathroom and grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom. Setting the wet towel on the floor in a corner, and my toiletries on the counterI turned on the water, to hot. I wanted to feel the warmth of the water on my skin, I was tired of the cold. After closing the door I began to untie my bathing suit before opening the glass door and stepping into the scalding hot water. The water felt soothing as it ran down my body, turning and facing the spout letting the water into my hair as I began to sing to one of Derek's bands songs, Miserable at Best. Too consumed in singing I didn't hear someone stumble into the hotel room calling out for me, coming to only find the bathroom door slightly ajar, steam coming out, and entering into the bathroom.

You're all I hoped I'd find...In every single way...And everything I could give...Is everything you couldn't take..

I didn't even hear the door open and shut as someone slipped into the shower with me. Singing as I turned my back towards the water it was only when someone started to sing along with me.

Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away...And the hardest part of living...Is just taking breaths to stay..."

My eyes abrubtly opened and came face to face with Alex. "What're you doing?!" I asked him as I grabbed the towel that had been hanging on the glass frame trying to cover my body. He laughed at my attempt as the water soaked the towel through making it stick to my body. But he never answered me, all I knew is that something wasn't right. What was he doing here? Shouldn't he be busy entertaining someone?

His hand reaching out, grabbing just below my chin, his thumb resting on the front side of the chin, and his fingers resting on the side of my neck. Slowly stroking my chin with his cold hands, my breaths became uneven, shallow you could say. I didn't know what to do, what was there to do? I looked up at him, and that's when I knew, his eyes were a dead giveaway. Bloodshot eyes never looked good on any, including Alex. He was drunk and looking for a fix. And I was determined to not be it.

"Alex get the fuc-"

But the rest doesn't matter. Because to think about how dumb I was to think that I could actually fight Alex off of me. He may not have been ripped but he's a good couple inches taller than me, and heavier than me. I had no chance. I guess I should've known it would happen this way, he had only tried it once before a couple days into our marriage. And I guess I always knew it would eventually happen, I just..I just wish it hadn't happened this way. Leaving me in the shower trying to wash him off of me, scrubbing for what seemed like hours.

The following morning I woke up and the guys were bustling around the hotel room throwing their stuff back into the bags. I followed their lead grabbing my belongings and putting them away into the bag hurriedly. I guess I had been trying to avoid the truth of what had happend, I had hoped I was waking up from a nightmare. But as I looked into the mirror quickly as I grabbed my bathing suit I could see hickeys on both sides of my neck. It was then that I realized that last night was no dream, no figment of my imagination. Last night was as real as this whole marriage bullshit. A tear managed to escape my eye just as Jack walked into the bathroom. I tried to wipe it away before he caught glimpse of it, but I hadn't been quick enough. As he grabbed his stuff and walked over to me, "What's wrong Brook?"

I obviously couldn't tell him. So I did what I've learned to do best, lie. "I just miss home."

"It's okay Brook. First tour is always the worst. You'll get used to hotels. They become home eventually." Jack said before giving you a reassuring hug, and walking out of the bathroom. I had to suck it up, what happened had happened and there wasn't anything to do about it now. I had to be a big girl. I breathed in, and breathed out. Feeling slightly better, I looked back towards the mirror and started to think how I could possibly cover those hideous things up.