Miserable at Best

...A thousand days to her that just don't mean a thing...

Mayday Parade had been on the stage doing sound check for the past half hour as Matt brought in boxes out of our trailer containing the merch, as I staye inside and set up our table. Five boxes later and I had unloaded as many shirts or jackets I could manage to settle on the display and table. Taking steps back to take a look at my creation, I bumped into someone. I turned, knowing it wasn't Derek, to find that it was Alex. How predictable.

"Woah, careful there," he advised me as he wrapped his arms around my waist, snuggling his head into the crook of my neck. No doubt this had to be another stab at Derek. I sighed, I wasn't feeling up to his assholeness right now. If that was even considered a word.

She said she'll run...Until her feet don't touch the ground...

I removed myself from Alex's hold and returned to behind the table loading the unused merch back into the boxes for now. I looked around my work area and began to busy myself with small things. Such as picking lint off the advertised merch, picking up pieces of trash off the floor. Anything to keep him from talking to me, and better yet touching me.

Cuts on paper hearts...They can be awful deep

I went to walk past him to throw away all the trash I had collected off the floor when I began to feel a bit woozy. I grabbed a hold of the edge table, putting my other hand to my temple and shutting my eyes. I breathed in slowly, and exhaled the same way figuring that may help in some way. I could hear Alex shuffle next to me, grabbing my arms suggesting, "Brook maybe you should sit down...You're not looking too good."

I don't know what had come over me as I wretched my arms out of his hands, and stepped two steps closer to him. I'm sure by now, he could smell the citrus flavor of my gum and said throught gritted teeth, "I think you've touched me enough for a couple days. Don't you agree?" Before he could say whatever it was he would come up with I bolted past him shoving the trash into the bin as I walked out of the venue as Derek's voice faded out.

And she'll be a secret you can keep...Keep me...Keep me...

It had to be atleast twenty degree out, and I was outside with no jacket walking towards...well I didn't know where I was headed as I passed by all the crazy fans who had been out in the cold for who knew how long. I pushed the constant whispers I could hear to the back of my mind. But the whispers soon became louder. Girls yelling down the line, "Look it's her!" or "Alex deserves better. He should dump her sorry as and marry me." I didn't want to hear any of it anymore as I took off into a run down the street, big clouds of breath escaping my mouth, and tears running down the sides of my face.

I ran for blocks before I couldn't run any longer. My teeth chattering, goosebumps covered my exposed skin and my face feeling the cold ten times worse because of the everflowing tears. I took in my surrounding, houses on one side of the street, and a park across the street. I took a glance behind me, the venue was long out of sight. I knew I couldn't actually run away forever, but I think a good hour or two would do me some good. Maybe some time to myself would allow me to figure out how I should handle the situation at hand.

Glancing both ways I crossed the street and crossed into the park. A cement trail led throughout the park, besides the trail a set of swings, a merry go round, and a sandbox entailing a huge slide. I followed the cement trail and wandered aimlessly throughout the park. Watching the kids play with the snow, making snow men, and snow angels. I began to wonder if I was ever going to be able to have kids, kids with someone I loved. One little boy stopped what he had been doing, as he tilted his head he smiled at me. I returned the smile and started to walk towards him. Just as a woman yelled out, "Timmy time to come inside." I stopped in my tracks and watched as the little boy turned and looked at what I assumed was his mother. He dropped the stick his small hand had been holding, and began to run towards the house. I watched as he ran with gusto towards the woman, when all of a sudden he stopped, looked at the ground and turned, and looked at me once more. His little hand raised into the air, and waved enthusiatically and then took off running into the woman's arms.

"Brook?" someone asked from behind me as I watched the lady carry the boy inside the house shutting the door.

"Look Alex, I don't want to deal with you right now. Maybe you should just keep your hands off of-" I started off as I turned myself around and saw that Alex wasn't the person I was staring at. Oh god. "You're not Alex."

"From what just came out of your mouth, I believe that's a good thing right?" Derek asked as he kept his distance from me. I didn't have anything to say to that, it was true. Alex was on my bad side at the moment and well Derek was just on my..I don't know. He was up in the air.

"Brook, we need to talk."

"This isn't the best time Derek." I told him as I walked past him heading out of the park.

"When would be a good time then? After we make out in the next hotel pool we find?" he asked with a hint of anger building in his voice.

"Derek, stop," I replied as I wrapped my arms around myself quickening my pace.

"Does he honestly think he gave you those damn things your trying to hide on your neck?" he askedas he grabbed a hold of my arm swinging me around so that I was face to face with him.

"Why're you doing this to me? Why can't you just let it go? It was a one time thing Derek. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. I was wrong. We were both wrong. I'm married. What we did wasn't okay!" I told him as my tear ducts started to betray me, as my eyes watered over.

His grasp became looser, he looked beyond me, and then bore his brilliant eyes into mine, "I've never felt this much emotion over a girl before. Never. I don't think Alex is right for you...I know he isn't. So what if you're married, I see the way you look at him. Your eyes don't sparkle like a normal girl who's in love would. They're empty. To sum it all up, I'll never let this go."

At that moment I didn't care who saw us, I welcomed Derek's lips as they crashed into mine. I didn't care what people would say, I didn't care what people would call me, and most of all I didn't care if this hurt Alex. But I already knew it wouldn't. But as we seperated, I knew that all of that did matter. It would always matter, and that would be the one thing that kept me with Alex, and away from Derek.