Miserable at Best

“Girl, I’m in love with you baby, and I want you to know, that I’m hooked on your body, and I’m trying to be yours”, the hushed melody, accompanied by arms wrapping themselves around my frame, sent chills down my spine, and a smile to my blushing face. The familiar set of lips left a trail of kisses down my neck, stopping to rest their head on my shoulder, “Come on, I think the guys can handle it, I have a surprise for you.” Without a second thought I dropped the shirt I had been folding to put back into it’s proper container, and turned, grabbing ahold of Alex’s hand as he led me out of the venue, where a black car was waiting for the two of us.

“Alex, what is this?” I asked stopping in my tracks, looking from him to the black car, multiple times.

He groaned, “Can’t I do something nice for my wife?” I eyed him expecting him to tell me exactly what was going on, but all he did in return was give me the same look I was giving him. I concluded he’s gotten too good at mimicking my facial expressions. Knowing that he wouldn’t give in and tell me, I sighed in frustration as I walked past him and scooted into the car with Alex trailing right behind, wearing a rather smug smile on his face.

We sat comfortably in the car as it drove us through the city, Alex’s arm casually wrapped around my neck, pulling me close at every stop light we came across kissing my temple. I couldn’t resist, I found myself actually enjoying his acts of affection. But after every little kiss I couldn’t help but feel a pang in my stomach, a pang of guilt. Derek’s face kept making it’s way into my head, giving me that smile that he knew I loved, but as usual Alex’s floating face came into mind, Derek disappearing from thought. Sickening wasn’t it? Torn between two men, one my husband, the other a tour mate of my husband. To make matters worse, Alex and I had sex just a few hours ago, and this time...it was of both of our doings. I had wanted it, and I had liked it. Though Alex and I had clearly established we were both physically attracted to one another, there were still so many problems with our marriage. And at the moment, sitting in his arms I wasn’t completely sure where my heart stood in the matter anymore.

Derek, the knight in shining armor, who’s been more than willing to save this damsel in distress, and treat me as the princess he claims I am? Or, Alex, my best friend from childhood, who I was forced to marry, forced to pretend I love...who now I may possibly see a future with?

My morning session with my cup of coffee at the hotel seemed to go down the drain as the car stopped, Alex leaving my side as the driver opened the door, Alex leaning back into the car extending his hand for my own, “My lady?” Grasping a hold of his calloused hand I felt I was accepting the fate of bringing dragged back into the very deep hole I had just climbed out of.