So Many Reasons

I stood, in shock, looking into his eyes. Those crystal blue orbs that I missed so much. True I was the one to run away but that didn't mean I wanted to. I've been missing him since that night. The night that changed my life. I couldn't help but think about how it all started.

*Flashback*

I looked at the blog on A7X's website. They were hosting an overnight summer camp. My friend Tori burst into hysterics beside me, as I read the names of those who were accepted as counclers.

We had been accepted. We had entered the contest earlier that year pretty much those who knew the most about music and Avenged were the one who were accepted.

Later that week, we packed everything in our favorite suitcases. Tori called me and we met at her house, and drove off in my same old pickup truck. The drive was four hours long, so we listened to A7X the entire time. "What instrument are you doing again, Tori?" I asked her.

She removed one hand from the steering wheel, it may have been my truck but I was to lazy to drive, She wiggled her fingers around "Guitar," she said and resumed driving. We pulled up to a fairly well-maintained camp and giggled.

We got assigned our 2-person cabin and headed off to it. On my way there, I bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry!" I said as I dropped my bag.

"No, no, it's my fault," he said in a voice that was vaguely familiar. I looked up to see the one and only, my idol, Jimmy Sullivan. My jaw dropped.

"I'm James Owen Sullivan, but you can call me Jimmy," he said, sticking his hand out.

"I'm Savannah Marie Layne, but you can call me Savvy," I said, taking his hand once I was able to speak again. I looked at his face taking in every detail.

His eyes stood out the most they were amazing.

*End Flashback*

So there he was, the very same Jimmy Sullivan I met 2 years ago. The same Jimmy Sullivan that was the father of the baby I lost to miscariage.

*Flashback*

I waved at Jimmy as I went to my truck. He ran over. "Hey babe," he said shyly. Jimmy? Shy?

"Hey, where's the nearest 7-11?" I asked trying my hardest to keep my cool. He gave me diretions and I drove off. As soon as I got there I ran inside, straight to the pill aisle. I grabbed a box and headed to the bathroom. I ripped the seal off the box and stuck it's contents between my legs. Once I was sure I had peed on it, I pulled it out from under me. I waited the 3 minutes it took, and when it clicked, my blood ran cold.

The cross symbol on the test made me freeze. I gasped as it clattered to the floor. I was pregnant I slid to the floor not caring how disgusting it was and cried my eyes out.

*End Flashback*

And there I was, standing in front of the man I once knew so well. I had another flashback.

*Flashback*
Tears ran down my cheeks as I finished my letter to Jimmy.

Dear Jimmy-
Baby I'm so sorry for doing this but I have to its best for the both of us. I don't know if I will ever see you again, but if I do I will try and explain things too you. There is one thing you need to know though I love you please don't be mad at me.
Love always your Savvy girl.

I finished it and set it on my cabin bed. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked at Tori and Zacky, They started dating two weeks after we arrived at the camp and he's hardly left her side since, asleep on her bunk, smiling in content. I mouthed a silent goodbye and kissed her forehead knowing it wouldn't wake her up. I took one last look at the happy couple before I rolled my suitcase out to my truck. On the way I ran into Brian.
"Hey Savvy," he said scratching the back of his head. He looked at my suitcase and his eyes went wide.
"Are you leaving?! Camp ends in 2 weeks!" he yelled.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I ran for my life in the direction of my truck. I couldn't look back and I know his yelling would wake Jimmy. I couldn't face him I knew if I did I would change my mind and it would ruin his life if I stayed. He dosn't have time for a baby and I knew it was going to interfer with the band and I couldn't do that to them. I just tossed my bags in the back of my truck and took off never looking back.

*End Flashback*

I got up from the stool I was sitting on and stared at Jimmy for a moment. He seemed to be staring at me too. I turned away from him no longer able to look at him because it upset me too much. I walked deeper into the store. I could feel his gaze burning into my neck.

"Wait!" he yelled and ran after me. He grabbed my hand and locked my fingers with his. A tear formed in the corner of my eye as I remember the times he used to run up to me at camp just to come hold my hand and walk around.

"Why did you go?" he asked, wiping it away with his free thumb. I had to look up at him, he was a good 10 inches taller than me. I looked into his watery blue eyes and saw the love still there even after what I put him through.

"Maybe I should tell you another time," I said, pulling away. He caught up with me and grabbed my hand again.

"You know, Avenged needs a place to stay..." he said. I shook my head.

"Jimmy, I live in a shitty little house down the street," I said shaking my head even though it wasn't true I lived in a huge ass house on the beach. He stuck out his bottom lip and made his eyes go wide giving me the look he knew I couldn't resist. "Fine," I said and pulled away, heading to the front of the store. Hopefully I didn't just make a huge mistake.