In The Shadows Where We Lie

Jackie and I were seated on the bed in my room, chatting away about random things. She told me about why she had stayed in the dark at first, because she was still somewhat self-conscious about the fact that she would always look 12 years old. She had only been a vampire a little over a year, but she was so much wiser than that. She told me about living on the streets before Kat turned her.

“I had lived in a group home until I was 8 years old, until 5 of us ran away together. It was great at first, the freedom that we had. But we all had major responsibilities to keep us alive. Things got harder when we realized we had no money and that there are people in the world that really just don’t care.

“Two months after we ran away, Robbie and Becca, two of the kids who ran with us, were killed by some guy on the streets who took their clothes and left their bodies in the snow. Then Daniel was arrested, caught stealing, and hauled off to some place for juvenile delinquents. It was just me and Alice, which was crazy because I hated Alice. So many times I thought about just abandoning her, I really didn’t care if she died alone on the streets, but I was scared. She was too, so we stayed together.”

The entire time she was telling me her story, she stared off at the wall, almost as if she were in a trance and pulling all of this from some small space in her memory. Her eyes looked empty, and I thought at any moment she would break down. But she didn’t. She stayed calm and told the story like she was reading it from a book.

“We got by any way we could. Stealing, panhandling, doing favors for people; it was the shitty life but it was all we had since neither of us would go back to the shelter. Eventually, it was so bad we were selling stuff we found, drugs, even our bodies at times. I was working the streets as a whore before I even started my period, which never happened anyway before I was changed into this.” She gestured to herself. She sighed heavily, thinking back to those hard times.

“Some of the guys actually beat me. Sometimes we would stay over at one of their houses, as part of the payment, and they would try to take advantage of us and beat us if we didn’t cooperate. We got in fights with other street girls all the time, fighting over what little we had. When Kat found me, I was half dead and on my way to freezing on the street. I don’t know what happened to Alice. All I remember was the guy from the bar in the ally trying to get me to do stuff and I just wasn’t up for it. Next thing I know, he was bashing my head into the wall and I blacked out. He probably raped me or something, I don’t know.
“But a few days after I was waking up with all these new senses and power. Kat had taken me in and I have been with her ever since. She is more than a best friend to me, she is like my mother with the way she cares for me. But as much as I love her, I can’t bring myself to feel the same way about her horrible, disgusting boyfriend Kradence. He reminds me too much of the crazy guys on the streets, not to mention he is completely insane and overwhelmed with power. Still, I am grateful for having this place and my friends.” I grimaced at her words. I really didn’t find this place all so magical like she did.

“The world is a crazy place, Gracie. No matter how long I live as a vampire, I will never forget the things I went through on the streets. I’ve had a lot of time to think about my old life since I have been here, and I’ve come to terms that I was meant to be in this life with Kat. The other way didn’t work for me, but now I couldn’t ask for anything better.” She finished with a sincere smile.

I felt kind of rude, but I just stared at her. She has been through so much, yet here she sits with an ecstatic grin on her face because now she sees life as so wonderful. It is very hard to remember she is younger than me, when she acts at least 50 years older! Now if she were in her 60’s and telling me her life experience, maybe then I would believe that she has had enough time to think life over and come to terms that it is all wonderful and amazing. But she is 13 in human years! Does vampirism make you more philosophical or something?

“You probably already know this, but you act a lot older than you are. I’m just…amazed, I guess is the word, at how you act and how you talk about life like you have seen it all already.” I mumbled, unsure about how to explain what I was thinking.

She smiled again. “I told you I had a lot of time to think about things. When I first came with Kat, for months I just sat there staring at nothing, analyzing my life and what I had been through, the circumstances I was now under, and how I planned to spend the rest of my life. Almost dying was crazy, and I wanted to change things, so instead of moping around and becoming a waste of space, I changed my outlook on life and now I love it. Living forever is now everything I ever wanted, come true. Things changed drastically for me, so now I’m just enjoying it. Plus, this life is ten times better than it was out on the street, so I feel…blessed, I guess?” She pondered this for a second, then shrugged her shoulders and seemed proud that she was able to explain this all to me.

She really was very adorable, so it was easier to accept her explanations. I just smiled at her.
“That’s great that it all changed for you. Really, I’m happy for you, but it’s still hard for me to see part of your point of view. Of course, I have never thought things over like that. You were exactly right: I am very pessimistic. Always have been, but with the circumstances I’ve been under, you can’t really blame me. You are the first pleasant thing I have seen since being here.”

I sighed and looked away, not wanting to think about the other things I’ve been through that are keeping my thoughts pessimistic. She noticed this, but didn’t quite know what to do. After all, she was on the bad side that was now keeping me hostage, so she couldn’t exactly help me escape. And comforting me seemed almost like too much. After a moment, she stood.

“I’m sorry you must go through all of this Gracie, truly I am. I wish I could help, but...”

“Don’t worry about it.” I mumbled. “I get it. I know that’s not something you can do. But, thank you for talking with me today. I’ve been so alone and bored I thought I would go insane, so thanks for keeping me company.” I half smiled at her, no longer really feeling it.

She nodded her head and walked to the door, but stopped with her hand on the doorknob.
“He will come for you Gracie.”

I lifted my head to look at her. “What?”

She walked back towards me and continued. “Seth will come for you. That is Kradence’s plan, to get him to come after you. He isn’t really sure if he wants to keep you yet or not, but his main plan was to lead Seth here. You will see Seth again, I promise. For how long and under what circumstances, I’m not sure yet. I will try to let you know, it’s the least I can do.”

I watched her, trying to judge if she was telling the truth or not.
“Why are you helping me?” I whispered.

She cocked her head to the side, looking at me and thinking.
“I like you Gracie. I know you have been through troubles like I once did. I believe that you don’t really deserve this, and I don’t like Kradence any more than you do.” She gave a small laugh at that. “If I hear any more, I will let you know. I’ll be back to keep you company sometime, if you want.”

And then I figured I really must have lost my mind, because without thinking, I threw my arms around her and hugged her as tight as I could, which really wasn’t much. She seemed stunned at first, but then I felt her give me a light squeeze back.
“Thank you.” I whispered. I let go, she smiled at me, and then she was gone.

I crawled back to the bed and lay on my side in a curled ball, thinking about what she said. I would see Seth again.
“For how long and under what circumstances, I’m not sure yet.”
So we could both be together, seconds from our death, but I would see him again, that much I was sure off. For some reason, I really trusted Jackie’s promise. I felt that I had a new friend, even if she was on the side with the “bad guys”.

I lay there thinking of the time I would see Seth again, and fell asleep to dream about it, too.