Can't Get Over You, Can't Get Through to You

Still Nikki's POV

A sigh escaped as I closed my eyes. I had decided to head down to the river, sit on my favorite rock, and think. This was something I did whenever I wanted to be alone whenever I was in Colorado. It was relaxing and I enjoyed it. Considering I now live in Las Vegas, aka the "City that Never Sleeps", I have missed the silence.

"I really am pathetic," I muttered as I looked at my reflection.

My eyes were still bloodshot from the lack of sleep. I've been up for the past three days and I felt drained. My left arm was wrapped in bandages. It was bleeding this morning from all my shooting up so I bandaged it. My right hand was also wrapped from when I slammed my fist against the mirror. But my eyes were the one thing I was freaked out about. I was scared to let Mariemaia see me like that.

That right there was my worst fear.

"No you're not."

"What are you doing here, mother," I asked when my eyes shifted towards the other reflection.

Those familier green eyes stared at mine with concern and sadness, porcelin-like skin, and she looked the same from when I was thirteen. I was staring at the reflection of Arabella Mariemaia McCade, my mother.

"Is it wrong to visit my daughter, especially when she needs comforting?"

I said nothing.

"You know that you're going to end up in your grave if you keep doing this."

"I know, mother, but-"

"Nikki, look at this way. Mariemaia will be forced to grow up without her mother. Do you want that?"

I bit my lower lip because I knew she was right. My mother was the person I went to for advice so of course she was right but I still didn't say anything.

"You know what you have to do, Nikki."

"Fight your fights, love your loves, and live your life," I asked, thinking about the thing my mother used to say a lot.

"No, swallow your pride, Nikki."

"I don't know how to fucking do that," I yelled, slamming my fist on the water surface.

The water spashed and my mother's reflection was gone. I knew I was alone but then I realized something. I was seeing things. Heroin was causing me to see things and I saw my mother. Why the fuck did I see her when I know damn well that she's dead. She's been dead for ten years.....ten years!

That's when I realized why I saw my mother. I do need to swallow my pride.

Brian's POV

"Daddy," Mariemaia called as she ran towards me.

I smiled as I picked her up and spun her around. She laughed when I did that. "So how was your day with your grandparents," I asked, kissing her cheek.

My parents demanded that I allow them to spend the whole day with Mariemaia. I didn't mind as long as they didn't come back with her owning a pony or something like that. I don't think Nikki would enjoy doing that.

"We went to FAO Schwarz and then we went to Sunset Park and then we saw Uncle Criss," Mariemaia said, laughing.

"She's so adorable," dad said as he and Suzy walked towards us, "And so well behaved. I wouldn't have expected that from a three year old."

"She is Nikki's daughter as well," I said, putting Mariemaia back on the ground.

"She's so special," Suzy said, giving Mariemaia a hug.

"I know she is."

Dinner was fun and we all sat around one large table. Hunter was off doing a press thingy so he wasn't joining us. Tash was looking at her menu when her phone started ringing, Trapt's Headstrong blasting throughout the whole place and earning her strange looks.

"Hello......hey, how are you.....hold up, I can't hear," Tash said, pressing the speaker phone button and whispering to us that it was Nikki.

"Better. So how are you?"

"Fucking miserable."

"What's wrong," Tash asked, concerned.

She wasn't the only one. I worried about Nikki. There was something off about her and it drove me insane not knowing what it was. And now that she was in another state, I worried even more.

"I need him, Tash. I fucking need Brian," Nikki started screaming, and from what we could tell, throwing random objects around, "I'm fucking chasing dragons and I can't help it. I need fucking heroin to kill all the loneliness I have built up in my life and now I can't take it. I fucking need him!"

I was about to say something when Tash shook her head slightly, signalling to me to keep my mouth shut.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I can swallow my own fucking pride! I mean, I saw my fucking mother today! And she's dead! I'm going insane and I supposedly need to swallow my pride, according to my dead mother, and I can't do that! I'm too damn proud to do that!"

"Nikki-"

"I'm going back tomorrow. I can't stand it. I don't like not being around Brian," Nikki said, cutting her off, "I don't care if I can't swallow my damn pride, I just rather be near him and try to be all high and mighty than not be near him."

"So does that mean I need to pick you up?"

"Yeah.....I think I'll check myself into rehab and see my therapist many times a week when I get back," Nikki said and then a loud crashing sound came.

I assumed that she threw something against the wall.

"Alright, well I'm eating dinner now but I'll get you tomorrow. What time?"

"Noon."

"Okay-"

Nikki just hung up, cutting Tash off. It seems like she does that a lot. Anyway, Tash just looked at me and simply said, "You're going to be the one that gets Nikki."

"What, why me?"

"Brian, you heard her. She's needs you and she's miserable. As proud as Nikki is, she actually swallowed her own pride without her knowing it."

I bit my lower lip, knowing that Tash was right. Nikki was back chasing dragons and she even admited that she needed me.....as much as I needed her. I was scared for her knowing that she was back on heroin again. She made it last time but could she do it again? This time, it sounds like Nikki's now able to control her cravings but when she gets the chance, she lets all Hell break loose and that honestly fucking scares me.

"She swallowed her pride? Nicole Storm McCade actually swallowed her pride," I asked, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"Without knowing it."