Melt Your Headaches, Call It Home

"You are such a liar," I told Ryan, shaking my head, "or a wimp."

"Hey," he said defensively, "Wrists are way bonier than arms."

I rolled my eyes, "Maybe on normal people."

"What that supposed to mean?" he asked playfully with narrowed eyes.

"Your arms are the same size as your – Ow!" I winced as the needle hit a tender spot. Ryan just looked smug.

I glared at him, "You should not be taking pleasure in my pain."

He leaned forward and kissed me, much to the dismay the tattoo artist, "Hold still!" he exclaimed, so I froze, still in the kiss.

"Ugh," came a joking voice, "If this is all you were going to do, I could've just gone with the others."

I peeked open one eye; Jon was standing at the foot of the chair looking slightly put off despite his intended humor. Currently, he was the only member of the band that was single. Ryan and I reluctantly pulled apart and we all lapsed into silence that was only filled by the buzzing of the tattoo machine.

I was left to my thoughts and the only thing on my mind was: I knew this day would come. I knew it would be sooner than later. I just wasn't thinking it would be this soon. Everyone was leaving, except for Alice. That still meant that Ben, Sophie, Tyler, Dom, Hayley, Spencer, Jon, Brendon and Ryan would be gone. The first four had already left, they were currently on a flight to London. Everyone else was heading back to Vegas on a six o'clock flight tomorrow morning.

Our casts had been taken off a couple days ago and Ryan had to go through a couple days of intense physical therapy before hitting the road. They had a lot of shows to make up.

That means that I have less than twenty-four hours left with him. Once he leaves, I may not see him until Christmas. You could say that I was severely bumming out.

I realized that the painful, prickling sensation was gone from my arm. My tattoo was done.

The carefully scrawled words stood slightly raised on the inside of my forearm, the place that never seems to tan no matter how long you stay in the sun. They stretched from almost the crook of my elbow to the beginning of my wrist.

"What does it say?" Jon asked as he walked around the chair and read, "The past is only the future with the lights on. That sounds familiar."

They both looked at me.

"It's a line from a song," I explained. It was a song that related to how I felt regarding my dad in a way, and I listened to it a lot when the CD came out. That particular line meant a lot to me.

Ryan looked at it as they put plastic wrap on it and then looked at me, "I like it," he said softly.

Much to Jon's dismay, I kissed Ryan, I just couldn't help myself. I ignored his sputtering and concentrated on the soft lips pressed to mine.

----------------------

"So what's our plan of attack?" asked Brendon, like it was a military operation.

We had decided since that it was our last day all together for a very long time, we were going to go out and have a last night of fun before we said goodbye.

We had all huddled around in a circle. We needed to figure out a way to sneak Spencer and me into the club, since we were the only ones under 21. We had already ruled out the option of trying to use Panic at the Disco's name to get in.

"I think that we just need to go back to the old plan," said Spencer.

"What's that’s?" I asked, "Sneaking in?"

"Exactly," smiled Hayley.

"One of you girls should go seduce the bouncer," suggested Jon in a joking manner.

"I nominate Hayley or Alice," Ryan said quickly grabbing a hold of my hand.

Brendon protested, "But Charlotte has the biggest –"

"Hey!" said Ryan at the same time as I warned, "Don't you dare, Urie." We had both caught his motion towards my chest.

"I only meant –"

"Bren, just shut up," said Alice.

He did, but only for a second and then he was suggesting other outrageous ideas. To give you an idea, one was that he, Ryan, and Jon would go tackled the bouncer and then run inside giving us girls and Spencer a chance to go by unnoticed.

"How about we just wing it?" suggested Ryan, running his fingers through his hair.

We all agreed that that was probably our best bet.

As we approached the club's large red doors, I could hear thumping music and every time the door opened flashing lights spilled out onto the sidewalk. The farther the line inched forward, the larger and more intimidating the bouncer looked.

I was having second thoughts; I hated getting caught.

"Ryan," I said, "I was never really good at this kind of stuff."

"It'll be fine," he assured me, his eyes on the front of the line, "We always sneak Spencer in and we used to do the same with Brendon."

"I always get caught," I warned him. Ben never wanted me to come places with them when we weren't supposed because I always managed to get me and Tyler kicked out, I don't know why, but I was the weakest link. I was kicked out of so many "R" rated movies and had to listen to Ty complain while we sat in the car, waiting for the others.

Ryan didn't get a chance to respond as the bouncer asked for his I.D. Spencer managed to slip into the group in front of us and follow the rest of our group inside. I tried to do the same but as my foot crossed the threshold a hand dragged me back outside.

"I need to see some I.D." said the bouncer in his deep voice while he loomed over me.

"I uh," I wracked my brain for an excuse, "left it at home," I lied lamely in a voice much higher than my normal pitch.

"Sure you did," he actually smiled (not creepily or anything) and then gently steered me out of the line, "Don't try and come back unless you have a valid I.D."

He turned back to his work and I was left standing outside the club by myself. Everyone else was inside.

I stood there for almost a full minute before I caught sight of the top of Ryan's head; he was fighting his way out the door through the incoming throng of people.

He stood in front of me, pink in the face, arms crossed with a hip cocked. I almost laughed at the pose he chose to strike, but then he said a little sheepishly, "I guess this is where you say, I told you so."

"I guess I kinda ruined it," I sighed, "I mean, what do we do now? I don't want to ruin everyone's night…"

He looked thoughtful for a moment before responding, "We could go do something, just the two of us and let them all party."

"Ok," that would be fun, I smiled, I was about to ask him what we should do but my phone rang and cut me off. I heard Ryan's ring as well.

"Hey Princess!" Jon shouted into my ear, "Where are you and Ryan?" The background noise was so loud I could barely hear him.

"We're outside," I told him glancing at Ryan, he pointed at his phone and mouthed, It's Spencer.

"What?" shouted Jon.

"We are out-side," I said slowly and clearly.

"Oh d.. .o. …… ge.. .n?"

"Jon, I can't understand you."

Suddenly all the noise became very muffled and he asked in a normal voice, "Can you hear me now?" I feel like I'm in one of those old Verizon commercials.

"Yeah," I answered and then I heard something like a toilet being flushed, "Are you in a bathroom?"

"Yes, actually" he said, "So you got caught?"

"Sadly," I admitted.

"Do you want us to all come out?"

"No, it's ok. Ryan and I will just go do something."

"Ohhh," he said in a knowing voice, "Well, we'll make sure to knock before coming into either one of the apartments."

"What? I… we…" I sputtered indignantly. Ryan turned around surprised, what?he asked silently.

Nothing, I told him.

"Bye Princess," he said quickly before I could think of anything to say. I swear I could imagine the huge smirk that was stretched across his face and then he hung up, without giving me any chance to give a retort.

I snapped my phone shut at the same times as Ryan was getting off his sidekick.

"So now what?" I asked. There was not much to do at this time of night if you were underage.

"We could rent a movie," he suggested.

I agreed but with an unusual reluctance because as we walked towards the Blockbuster by home, I couldn't help but hear Jon's words repeat over and over again. They were lighthearted but they made me think. Ryan and I had never talked about sex or anything and I was still a virgin. He, obviously, was not.

Since he was going away tomorrow, was it expected of me? I don't think he's that kind guy though… I mean, I think I might love him. That being said, shouldn't I be entirely willing to sleep with him? Yet some small voice in the back of my head told me no and I think I agreed with it.

Ryan held the door for me as we walked in which made me smile. I felt his eyes on me as I browsed through the movies, which didn't help my eternal battle between my feelings, hormones, and misgivings. I guess my all of my mother's shouted warnings about unwanted pregnancy at my back as I went to go hang out with Tyler really did sink in. She would be so proud. It sickens me.

The entire time I scanned movie titles, his eyes were locked on me and so eventually I couldn't stand it any longer so I grabbed a random movie, barely registering the title and shoved it into his hand. He didn't look at it.

"What?" I asked. I could feel my face heating up because, damn him, he was still staring at me with those honey colored eyes, darkened with something else entirely.

"Nothing," he finally said and then looked down at the movie, "Is this what you want?"

I double checked the title, Edward Scissorhands and deemed it acceptable.

As Ryan paid for the movie I glanced around the store aimlessly watching the other late night customers. My eyes froze on one particular person. He was here. My entire body seized up with fear, my heart started to race and I felt my palms start to prickle with that uncomfortable sweating sensation.

This time there wasn't the menacing feeling in the air and my brain wasn't screaming DANGER at me. I didn't think he was here following us, rather, I think it's just by chance that he is here to rent a movie. He wasn't hiding his presence at all and I could see him weighing the pros and cons of two movies held in his massive hands, he looked like any other large, rough-around-the-edges man. Ironically though, he was in the horror section.

"Ryan," I tugged on his sleeve urgently and hissed, "He's here."

Ryan took his receipt from the clerk and as he turned he asked, "Who's…?" But then he saw.

He took my hand in a death grip and we walked quickly outside. With the movie under one arm Ryan pulled me along at a fast walk with one hand and with other, was pulling out his phone, presumably to call the police.

I just followed in a daze until we got into my apartment, and Ryan, seeing that I was a little out of it sat me down on one of the couches. I don't remember any of his phone conversation; I had just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and not tripping.

After Ryan hung up he immediately came to sit down next to me, putting his hands with those freakishly long fingers on my shoulders, "Charlotte, are you alright?"

Do I look alright?

I nodded dumbly but then asked, "What did they say?"

"They're taking care of it," he said grimly.

I pressed my hands to my eyes; maybe they could end all of this tonight. Ryan pulled me close and I sat there feeling safe in his skinny arms. "Let's watch the movie," I said as my anxieties began to melt.

"You sure?"

"Definitely."

I was instantly lost in the world of Edward Scissorhands. I love Tim Burton and I love Johnny Depp. Put the two of them together and I will undoubtedly like the movie.

It was the ice sculpture scene when I felt Ryan's lips tickle my neck. I didn't move and so he trailed his lips all along my jawbone leaving a trail of hot and tingling skin. I flinched as his hand, which had been located on my knee slid down towards my upper thigh. I couldn't ignore him any longer, I turned to him determined to have a serious talk but as I did anything that I thought I was going to say was forgotten when he kissed me. His hand was well up my shirt when I finally lost control.

We stumbled back to my bedroom shedding various bits of clothing as we went; we left them in the hallway as we tumbled on to the bed. It was only when he was lying over me in that I panicked and mentally froze.

Ryan noticed my sudden change in demeanor; he brushed my hair out of my face and murmured, "What wrong?"

I tried to slow my heavy breathing down before I answered but he was looking at me expectantly, "Ryan, I… I… don't want to do… this."

"What this?" he asked from above me.

"I… don't want to… have sex," I finally blurted it out worriedly.

He instantly rolled off of me and as he looked at the ceiling, I couldn't detect any expression, but that might have just been the dark.

My eyes started to burn and I brushed a quavering hand across his arm and planted a few kisses on his chest, "I'm sorry. I just…" I trailed off.

It was a moment before he turned on his side, "You know I would never make you do anything you don't want to do, right?"

I gave a small nod.

"And you know I would never do anything to hurt you?" He was dead serious.

"Yes," I said breathlessly.

"And… well, I really care about you and I hope this doesn't scare you or anything and I don't know if you're –"

"Ryan, what?"

He took a deep breath and said very quickly, "CharlotteIloveyou."

It didn't process. I felt like I had been hit in the face by a brick wall, but in a good way, if that's possible.

"What did you say?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"I love you," he said and nervously waited for my reaction.

My stomach swooped and I smiled, "Ryan Ross, I love you too."

After one last long, slow kiss we lay entangled in my polka dotted sheets, enjoying the feel of each other's skin against our own bare skin. That's the way we fell asleep, and that's the way we slept until four o'clock in the morning when everyone else felt the need to storm my room with shouts and loud whoops of laughter. Then we said goodbye.