Lips Made of Yarn

Sign language wasn’t the easiest thing to learn. Some words and letters were simple, while others had me pausing to flip through the book madly in search of its meaning. I could spell the entire alphabet-except for F. I could never remember that damn sign-and knew basic words.

My only problem was not wanting to try and learn it so quickly that I only had a few phrases down. I wanted to know everything and make sure there was no way for me to make a blunder.

I went to work the next day, but with no intention of using sign. Brendon regarded me as he usually did, snide and teasing notes being slid across the counter and numerous eye contact that had my stomach flipping over. Maybe it was the fact that Ashley had finally drawn it out of me or that I was trying so hard to learn something and impress him, but I couldn’t help getting those nervous butterflies every time he looked at me. His eyes were so big and soulful, those oddly stylish glasses only magnifying their power.

I'd like to say that we had become closer, and it was true in a sense. He wasn’t completely ignoring me and his asshole behavior had diminished somewhat, but it’s not like we were hanging out after hours or anything. It was more of a casual work acquaintant-ship, if that sort of thing existed.

Almost a week later and I felt completely confident in my ability to use sign. I would sign to myself while getting ready for work just to practice, and I had even gone so far as to tackle signing a song’s lyrics while it was playing. I got most of it right, but I was more of a slow signer, you could say, so it took me a while.

I picked out my cleanest, most flattering clothes and brushed my hair twice, cracking my knuckles every so often in nervousness. Today was the day. I could do this.
I skipped breakfast when I saw the time and fled my apartment, regretting not bringing a light coat once I got outside. The air was crisp and the slightest bit cool. People swarmed casually on the streets in this part of the neighborhood, the more shady looking ones staying to the alleys. Deciding to get a bit of fresh air I bypassed my still pretty much inactive car and took off down the street, signs and meanings and diagrams from that book running through my mind at top speed.

The green paint of Starbucks came all too soon and I bit my lip. The door was unlocked, so that must mean he’s here already, but then again, Brendon got to work ridiculously early every day and was forever waiting in the backroom until opening time came so this wasn’t unusual.

I closed the door behind me and took a quick scan around the store, over the tables and upturned chairs and sticky floors until my eyes rested on a bent over figure tying his shoelaces, nose scrunched up to keep his glasses from sliding off.
About to open my mouth and get his attention I stopped, wanting to do this all the way through. So instead of calling out his name and remaining on the other side of the store, I walked quietly over, coming to a halt next to him.

Brendon stood and nodded in greeting, pulling down the bottom of his ridden up shirt. I smiled shakily and ran a quick hand through my hair. Brendon, probably seeing the hesitation that was evident in my face, waited patiently for me and I thought it remarkable how he could even guess I wanted to do something.

I gulped and concentrated only on his face as my hands jumped to position and started signing.
'Hello Brendon. How are you today?' My movements were shaky and slow, but I got them out there all the same.
Brendon’s face didn’t change, though his jaw did go a little slack.
'Good. And yourself?'
It took me a moment to process the words and to develop a sentence of my own, confidence building.

'Pretty good, a little tired though. Hopefully it won’t be too busy today, I could use a break.'

As if this longer sentence had sparked something in Brendon, he smiled the largest and most genuine smile I’ve ever seen, his curled, thick lips seemingly taking over his shining face.
'Same here. You look like you could use some real sleep.'
'Oh, are we back to the teasing now?' I cocked an eyebrow.

Brendon flapped his hands around in excitement, face positively splitting. He looked so genuinely happy it made me grin like a fool. It was a whole different side of him I've never seen, a happy, bouncy Brendon with a smile that could light up a darkened room. I wanted so badly to jump forward and tackle him in a hug and really, when did I become such a sap?

Though the desire was to strong and I opened my arms, stepping forward. Brendon glanced at my arms nervously and his smile dropped a little, stepping back just like he would anytime someone so much as made the inclination to touch him. I frowned, disappointed and hurt.
'Can I hug you?' As soon as I signed those words I blushed, feeling equally ridiculous at feeling like I had to ask permission and humiliated that I even had to ask to hug him.

You could tell Brendon was thinking this over hard, eyes darting between my face and arms. My heart stopped when I saw him give a little nod and raise his arms unsurely.
I beamed and rushed forward, forgetting to feel stupid in my eagerness.

I wrapped my arms around his middle, my head resting against his broad chest. It took a moment before he tentatively placed his arms around my torso, as if he had forgotten how to hug someone.
I lost myself to the moment, closing my eyes and taking a guilty sniff, nostrils flaring at the overwhelmingly sweet scent coming off of his body.

We pulled apart, me having to consciously tell my arms to let go. Brendon’s face was bright red and looked confused and shocked at the same time. I threw him a small smile, still so lost in the thought of actually hugging him to feel embarrassed at my painfully straightforward actions.

Brendon coughed suspiciously into his hand and rubbed the back of his neck before walking off, avoiding my eye. It should have affected me but it didn’t, not in the slightest.

We opened not too long after, and I took the register right next to Brendon, shrugging into my uniform at the very last minute and earning a reproachful look from Kranger.
I tapped loudly on the counter twice to get Brendon’s attention. He turned his head and pursed his lips into a forced smile.
'How long are you working for today?' I signed and it was like the instant that my hands started moving Brendon’s face lit up, like the sole gesture of me using his form of communication was enough for him to be nice.
'Too long,' he responded and I chuckled, about to keep the conversation going but stopped when I saw him scratch his stomach nervously.

'Why did you learn sign language?' He seemed genuinely confused like he couldn’t see why in the world I would ever want to do such a thing.
I shrugged, biting my lip and cocking my head, trying to convey what I meant through my eyes instead of actually saying it because I may have the gumption to learn sign, but not enough to be that blatant.

Brendon just stared back, fixing his glasses by using his pointer finger to push them back to the very bridge of his nose. Eventually he raised one eyebrow like he finally understood and turned away, giving a strained smile to the customer he had been neglecting as a blush crept up his neck.