Harry Potter and the Plot of Pure Evil

A Wonderful Surprise

Now on with the parodying…

Harry got up late the next morning. He hadn’t been able to get much sleep as he’d been haunted by dreams of Sirius and Cedric, images of falling and of bodies with unseeing eyes.

So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?

Harry felt like an old man, tired and weary of constant strife. He dressed slowly and began half-heartedly tossing clothes and belongings into his trunk. He carefully packed away his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauders Map at the bottom, frowning as he recalled what he had seen in Snape’s Pensieve. He gingerly placed his Firebolt next to the trunk, sniffing as he did so. Hedwig was locked up in her cage and Harry took the calendar marking the days until the start of Hogwarts of the wall and into the trunk. Then he sat down on his bed. He didn’t feel like having breakfast; he hadn’t been eating much over the summer. There was nothing to do but wait.

An hour later, Uncle Vernon came up to his room.
“Well boy, we’ve received a letter from…those friends of yours. They’re to come pick you up today.”

“I know,” Harry responded dully.

Vernon’s face twisted into a sneer. “Think you know everything, Potter?” he practically spat. “Don’t you? Don’t you? Just like your parents…”

Harry was used to this. Under threat from the order about mistreating Harry, his uncle had taken to taunting him, trying to bait Harry into striking first. “No Uncle Vernon. I don’t think that I know everything.”

Vernon’s eyes narrowed; he was obviously upset that Harry hadn’t flown into a rage. The old Harry would have; the new one couldn’t care less.

“Very well then, boy. They’ll be here in approximately half an hour. Your aunt, Dudley and I are going out shopping. When we come back, the house will be filth free, perhaps forever. Hopefully, you’ll get yourself killed at that freak school of yours. Hopefully…”

Harry nodded and flung himself down on the bed. As bitter as he felt toward the order, he couldn’t wait to be out of Privet Drive and with them again.

Uncle Vernon shut the door behind him. Harry looked at his mirror and frowned. He had half an hour…

20 minutes later, Harry stood in front of the mirror again, but now in a pair of tight black jeans (bought for him, instead of an old one of Dudley’s) and a black T-shirt that showed off his new body rather nicely. His normal bed-head hair now looked messily cute. An expensive pair of shoes adorned his feet.

Harry smiled confidently at his reflection. Even though he would only be among friends, he still needed to look good. And black was appropriate, as he was in mourning. The fact that it looked incredibly hot on him was only an unexpected plus.

In the living room, he heard several large pops. He ran downstairs to greet his rescuers.

Remus Lupin looked even worse than when Harry had seen him last year. There were dark circles etched under his eyes and his robes were so raggedy and worn, he might have not bothered with them. Stubble lined his jaw and he looked much older than he was. Despite all that, he smiled warmly at Harry. At least that much was the same.

Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody looked almost exactly the same as when Harry had said goodbye to them in June, if a little more exhausted and pained looking. They said hi to Harry and Moody asked his if he’d kept up constant vigilance and warned Harry to keep his wand out of the pockets on the back of his jeans.

Tonks was sporting bright blonde hair with a large purple streak. Her old unfailing good humour seemed subdued and she greeted Harry less brightly then she had the year before.

“It’s so good to see you all again!” Harry exclaimed. “It’s been terrible stuck up here. I felt terrible, not being able to help and not knowing what was going on…”

“I understand that there’s a lot you want to know Harry,” Lupin said gently. “But we need to get back to headquarters and once there, all your questions will be answered.”

Harry profoundly doubted this. All of his questions were met with raised eyebrows, patronizing smiles and no answer, not even the simplest ones, such as “Voldemort wants to kill me, right?”

“We’re getting there by Portkey this year,” Moody grunted. “Faster. Better. Easier.”

Kingsley held out a pizza box and Harry’s stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten.

Tonks noticed and smiled wanly.

“Missed breakfast, eh Harry? Mrs. Weasley will take care of that!”

That Harry didn’t doubt.

“Just one finger now,” Moody muttered. “Three, two, one-“

And suddenly the Dursleys’ house disappeared and Harry found himself back at Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

*~*

Harry hit the cold marble floor with a thud as he vaguely heard a voice somewhere above his ear saying that they were right on time. He shook slightly as he stared at the faces of house elves stuck up on plaques along the hallway. Their leering faces frightened him.

“Now Harry,” Tonks began earnestly, causing Harry’s face to turn away from the house elf with an arrow up his nose, “Everyone is rather busy, too busy to greet you, so why don’t you just pop on upstairs and visit with Ron and Hermione and the gang.”

Harry nodded mutely and trudged up the staircase and turned into a dingy old room.

Sure enough Ron, Hermione and the rest of the “gang”, were sitting on the bed. They all turned and smiled at him and his words of greeting died on his lips. Surely it couldn’t be his friends…

But it was. Only…they looked a little different.

Hermione’s bushy hair had been tamed and styled and now fell upon her shoulders in rich coppery coloured waves. Hints of red were streaked through it, looking completely natural. Her cocoa eyes were framed with kohl and her eyelashes accentuated them even more. Her cheeks were dotted with pink. She wore a red miniskirt and a red crop top. She also looked incredibly hot.

Ron, Fred and George also looked rather different. Like Harry, they had grown into their bodies and instead of being gangly or stocky they were now tall and muscled. Tanned to perfection, they all wore jeans and tight fitting T-shirts.

When Harry’s eyes alighted on Ginny, he practically gasped. Ginny had dyed her fiery hair a raven black. She wore black lipstick, black eyeliner, black everything. Her hipster jeans and spaghetti strap shirt were, you guessed it, black. She held herself confidently, almost arrogantly. But despite that, she also looked amazing sexy.

“It’s good to see you Harry,” Hermione said warmly. “We missed you so much this summer. I’d hug you, but I don’t want to mess up my outfit you know?”

Harry nodded slowly, not quite sure if he was really hearing this.

“You look amazing, mate,” Ron grinned. “We’ll be real popular with the ladies.”

He winked at Hermione who giggled and blushed.

Ginny jumped off the bed, flicked her hair over her shoulder and strode up to Harry. She nodded coolly at him, flashed him the peace sign and then returned to the bed to apply more black nail polish.

Fred and George greeted Harry pleasantly then dashed out of the room, saying they had to go to work.

Harry was dumbfounded by everything going on around him so he just nodded again.

Ron and Hermione beamed at him. “We have something to show you,” Hermione announced and then she and Ron dragged him downstairs, Ginny following behind, muttering under her breath.

Harry was so startled he made no protest but let himself be hauled downstairs to the kitchen where Mrs. Weasley, Lupin, Kingsley and the other member of the Order stood, smiling benevolently at him.

“Uhhh….ummm…what is going on?” Harry finally choked out.

“Oh Harry dearest,” Mrs Weasley whispered, with tears in her eyes. “Look.”

Harry looked. All he saw was a table, some chairs, a few onions being magically chopped up by a huge knife…

“No Harry,” Tonks said gently. “Turn around. Look the other way.”

Harry nodded comprehendingly. He turned and looked. And there, standing, in the flesh, was Sirius Black.

Harry almost fell over with shock. Once he’d regained his balance, he took a deep breath and began screaming, “IT’S A GHOST! OR VOLDEMORT! USING POLYGJUICE! FROM A DEAD BODY! HOW COULD YOU?!? HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR THE DEAD!”

Mrs. Weasley looked stricken. The others seemed to be trying to hide grins. “No Harry,” Sirius smiled. “It’s really me. The fall behind the veil was staged. We felt you needed to experience death to experience love. Or find your heart. It’s the only thing that can defeat Voldemort you know.”

“B-but I’ve al-al-already seen d-death,” Harry stammered. “My parents and Cedric and-”

“That didn’t count,” Remus interjected quickly. “Only Sirius’s death would have made you find love.

“Why?”

“Well…because. Because Dumbledore said so. But then we decided that he was too cool to keep hidden away, and that he’s invaluable to the order even though he can’t even leave the house so, we decided to bring him back.”

Harry’s head was spinning. Love…death…Voldemort…Sirius… what was…who was…how…

“I-I’m so happy you’re back Sirius,” Harry croaked out at last. “So happy…”

Choking, he shot forward into Sirius’s arms and began to wail.

“There, there,” Sirius said, patting him on the head. “Shhh…father figure’s here now.”

Harry sniffed. The others stood around looking at the two, with cheesy grins on their faces.

“Maybe it’s time you went up to bed, Harry” Mr. Weasley finally said, breaking the silence. “You’ll want to be up bright and early for Hogwarts tomorrow. It seems that the date of the start of Hogwarts has been moved up a little.”

Normally, Hermione or Ron or Harry or Ginny would have questioned this but they just all smiled at Mr. Weasley and nodded, before mounting the stairs and hurrying on up to bed.

Harry fell asleep that night with a light heart. Sirius was alive