Snapped Guitar Strings and Broken Hearts

“ GWIN! GWIN! GWIN! GWIN!” I softly heard a shouting that eventually grew louder. It began to hurt my ears and I groaned.
“ Hmm?” I asked, my eyes finally opening. Aiden was in front of me, grinning excitedly and jumping up and down. Her neon green hair bounced and it seemed blurry to me.
“ The Used asked me to bring a friend with me and we can go laze around and talk with ‘em!” She squealed. I winced.
“ Lower the volume, Aidy.” I’d taken a liking to calling her that. She frowned and looked like she was going to speak again. “ But I’ll go.”
“ SWEET!”
I rolled my eyes and she left, leaving me to pull on another pair of faded blue jeans. The knees were ripped out and there were clothespins all over. I traded my tank for a white tee that had FROM FIRST TO LAST on it in grey. I loved the shirt.
Then of course, Aiden attacked me with her makeup, doing some silvery thing on my eyelids. It was really cool, actually.

“ Now, who exactly are we going to see, Aiden?” I asked as we walked towards The Used’s bus.
“ Quinn, Jepha, Bert and Branden. The Used. No duh.” Aiden rolled her eyes and knocked on the door, taking a step back.
“ AIDEN!” Quinn screeched, jumping down and hugging her. We are so emo.
“ QUINN!” She screeched back, equally as loud. When they pulled away, Aiden gestured to me. “ Quinny, this is Gwin. Gwin, you already know who Quinn is.”
Quinn held out his hand to me and I took it, shaking it awkwardly. He pulled me into a tight hug and gave an enthusiastic hi.
“ Hello.” I murmured back, kind of shy. “ I love you’re music.”
“ Aww… Aiden told me to buy one of your band’s CDs. You any good?” He cocked his head to the side, pulling away from me.
“ Not really…” I mumbled. Of course I saw all my flaws. I thought we sucked. But of course, Aiden jumps in and has her own opinion.
“ Psh.” She brought her mouth to Quinn’s ear and whispered loudly, receiving a laugh. “ Gwin has low self esteem.”
“ Liar.” I hissed, whacking her upside the head.
“ Enough, ladies. Inside we go.” Quinn ushered us inside, revealing a bus with clothes thrown everywhere, beer bottles, cigarette packs and food wrappers. It was a mess. And smelled bad.
“ Quinn, do you idiots ever clean?” Aiden asked, wrinkling her nose and poking Quinn.
“ No.” He answered flatly. “ But you might want to take a step back.”
“ Why?” I asked, before seeing a crazed Bert running right into me. “ Oh. That’s why.”
“ HEY! Quinny brought people with him!” He exclaimed from on top of me. God, Bert weighed a lot.
“ Bert… you’re on Gwin…” Quinn said, prodding him with his foot.
“ Oh. Hahahaha. Hi, girly. How are ya doing down there?” He rolled off of me and I rolled my eyes, standing up.
“ Dude, your floor smells. Really bad.” I said, picking a Snickers bar wrapper off of my jeans. “ Skittles own Snickers, man.”
“ Do not.” Bert argued, shaking his head. “ Snickers are chocolatey.”
“ Well, Skittles are rainbowy and have lots of sugar.” Aiden stuck her tongue out.
“ Psh. Snickers have more sugar.”
“ I doubt it. Aiden gets high off of Skittles a ton easier.” I pointed out, patting her head.
“ So?”
Quinn just kind of stared at us before tackling a figure that emerged from a doorway.
“ JEPHA!” He screamed and then Aiden piled on top of them, receiving a hug from the newcomer. Who I figured was Jepha.
They got off of him and I saw Jepha. Gosh, he looked a ton like Frankie. And Frankie is fecking hawt. Which makes Jepha hawt, like Quinn.
GWIN! Ohmigod… Gwin, you are in love with Jake, not these idiots.
I shook my head. Bert was poking me and when I gave signs of life he smiled, clapping his hands. “ SHE’S ALIVE!”
“ I’m not Frankenstein…” I muttered, punching him in the arm lightly.
“ Ow… that hurt…” He whined, sighing. “ You looked dead, the way you were zoned like that.”
“ Pansy.”
“ Dude, MTV totally killed her!” Jepha said, shaking his head. It took me a minute to figure out he was talking about Frank’s guitar. Yup. True.
“ I know! I hate them more now! First they go all reality shows and then their guitar tech kills Pansy. Bitches.” I said, eyes narrowing. I hated MTV. Fuse totally kicked their asses.
Bert was really quiet now. Oh, I remember.
Him and Gerard had some sort of fight. He really looked like he didn’t want to even think about My Chemical Romance anymore. Shame. They were awesome. Loved the boys in MCR as much as The Used.
After a few minutes, Branden emerged from the doorway Jepha had and I tackled him with Quinn and Bert.
I was introduced to Jepha and Branden, who didn’t recognize me.

We talked for a long while before Bert stood and said he was leaving us and we were boring. It was a sarcastic comment.
“ I’m going on a walk. One of you needs to look for me in a half hour.”
With that Bert left. We continued to talk, eat Snickers (Skittles are better), and screw around.
At the end of the 30 minutes, I stood up and said I would search for The Used’s lead singer. Jeph offered to come with me. Of course I let him.
“ Hey, I’ll betcha he’s somewhere by the stage.” He spoke, taking me by the arm. Jepha led me to where he expected Bert to be.
He was there.
With someone else.

A someone who was my boyfriend. My Jake. Jakey was there with Bert. Making out, right in front of me.
No.
No, he wouldn’t do that. Couldn’t.
I started to shake my head, taking steps backwards. A whimper escaped my lips. Then a dry sob.
Then the tears came. They flooded down my face like waterfalls. Cries making it harder to breath.
“ Whoah…Gwin, you alright?” Jeph asked me. What a stupid question. A stupid, meaningless question.
“ No.” I whispered. My voice was small, fragile, broken.
The word I spoke made Jake’s head turn. His eyes opened and grew wide. He was aware that there were other people here. Catching him.
“ Gwin…Gwin its not what it looks like…” He said, trying to pull me in a hug. Those were the words all cheating guys used to cover up their actions. It wouldn’t work on me. I wriggled out of his grip.
“ Then what is it, Jake!? You were just making out with a GUY! I’m your girlfriend! What is that then, Jake? What were you doing?” I screamed, backing away. Jepha pulled me into his arms, cradling my head into his chest.
It felt like the sky was crashing down on me. My world was being torn apart. I was dying on the inside. Broken.
The world was blurring. I only heard screams, and felt my feet off the ground. I vaguely knew I was being carried somewhere.
I didn’t know where, but the tears kept coming. They fell in my mouth, on my clothes, on the person who was carrying me. I’d have to thank him.
Inside, I knew it was Jepha. He had carried me back to my tour bus, and sat me on the ground, knocking the door.
“ Hey,” He whispered to the person who answered the door. “ Gwin…she found her boyfriend making out with Bert… and she just kind of broke down. Should I leave her here or what?”
“ No way… JAKE!? Jake was making out with a guy!? I’m going to beat his sorry ass…” I heard Robby fuming. That was definitely Robby. The way his voice was hissing, I knew.
“ Yeah, but what should we do? She won’t stop crying and calling out his name.” Jepha said calmly. How could he be so calm? Wait, I was saying Jake’s name? I didn’t know I was.
“ We should just let her sleep… It’s probably best. Maybe she’ll forget in the morning. It’ll be good…” Robby was now joined by Caleb’s voice. They knew me best, but I wouldn’t forget. I couldn’t.
“ Okay, but don’t you have a show to play? I mean, you can’t play without her, can you?” Jeph asked, and I opened my eyes, seeing that he was reasoning with them. I was curled into a ball, sobbing still. The tears had almost stopped. I’d used them all.
“ I…I’ll p-play… tonight….” I managed to stutter, looking up. I felt my make up streaked down my cheeks, hardening. It was uncomfortable.
“ Gwin, you do—“ Robby started, shaking his head. I cut him off.
“ Yes, I do. It’s for the fans… I…I’ll play.” I said quietly, shaking my head. I wiped at the make up, black flakes falling from my cheeks. Robby came down and helped me up, Caleb on my other side.
They stabilized me, helping me walk. But I noticed that I was still mumbling Jake’s name. Jeph had left. I wanted him here though. He was the only one who saw my world crumble.
But it hadn’t completely fallen apart. I noticed this. I wasn’t feeling the punch yet. It hadn’t hit me.
That made me feel bad. I don’t know why. But it sure as hell did.

Robby and Caleb helped me into my bunk. I lay there, staring at the wall. Tonight, I would refuse to lay with my Jake. No, he wasn’t mine anymore.
“ He’s Bert’s…” I whispered to myself, receiving a glance from Craig, who came in.
“ What did ya say, Gwin?” He murmured, brushing hair from my face as I turned to him. Craig was good at times like this. He’d listen and give advice.
“ Jake… he isn’t mine anymore, is he Craigy?” I asked helplessly, my eyes wide with sorrow. “ He’s Bert’s now… isn’t he?”
Craig simply nodded. I don’t think he wanted to tell the truth. “ If he wants Bert…then he’s his.”
I rolled back over, letting the tears take over again. They swarmed my eyes and killed me. I choked on every breath I took.
“ Sorry.” Craig mumbled before walking out and leaving me.
I cried. I cried my heart out. I mumbled profanities about Jake, cried harder and then eventually fell asleep.
I let sleep take me under, overwhelm me. Take me away from the hell I lived in.
I wasn’t good enough for him. I’d have to be better.

Aiden was softly shaking me, not being her normal hyper and loud self. For a moment I wondered why.
Then I remembered.
Jake…
Jake had cheated on me. I was supposed to play tonight.
“ Gwin, you’ve gotta get up. The show is in half an hour.” She whispered, tugging on my arm.
“ Okay, Aidy… Is Jake here?” I mumbled, sitting up and getting down from the bunk I now shared with no one.
“ No, he was only in here to change, 10 minutes. They kicked him out after.” She murmured, hugging me. “ I’m here for you, sweetheart.”
“ I know, Aiden. I know…” I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t. The tears wouldn’t come.
“ Okay, I want you to change and then I’ll do your make up. Try to not cry it off.” Aiden gave me a weak smile. I could tell she was really trying. Trying to help me.
I nodded and changed into some jeans that were frayed at the ends, my new black and purple Vans and an Avenged Sevenfold shirt.
Aiden gave me the normal black and then drastic red eye smudge. It covered up the tearstains, the puffiness of my eyes.
I walked out of the tour bus with her, carrying my guitar case limply. My movements were mechanical, forced. They weren’t normal.
I refused to have any sugar at all to boost my mood or energy level. It would mess me up. I wasn’t happy. I was depressed. Falling apart at the seams.
Dying.
Falling.
Being shredded by the images that replayed in my head. Over and over again.
We walked backstage and I saw Jake. He was on one side, everybody else away from him. They hated him for what he’d done.
He’d killed me.
But the reaper hadn’t gotten me yet.
My time wasn’t up yet. But Jake had killed me. It was messing up my life.
He wanted me out of the picture. To have Bert and be happy. Forget about me.
Or so I thought. He might not think that way. But that was the way I took it.
His actions. Refusing to apologize. Keeping to himself and NOT EVEN TRYING. He wasn’t even trying to make things right! What kind of guy was that?! I hate him.
No. I didn’t. If I hated him, I wouldn’t be here, whining about losing him. I still loved him.
I can’t believe I still loved him. Still wanted him back.
After all he did.
I wanted him back.
How stupid of me. It was idiotic to want him back. For all I knew he was bi or gay.
He didn’t love me.
I loved him.
My heart was broken.

My debate with my head ended with Craig tapping my shoulder and handing me my guitar, which he tuned.
“ Thanks, Craig.” I mumbled, feeling the tears bubbling up as I glanced at Jake.
He was turned away from me, facing Bert. Jerk. What a heartless, moronic jerk.
I whimpered and wiped the lone tear that fell from my eye. Shaking my head, I turned away, and Robby took me over to the side, behind an amp.
“ Gwin, I want you to calm down. We have a show. Jake wrote a song. He’s going to sing it and I want you to come back here and ignore it, okay?”
I nodded simply. I really didn’t want to hear it anyways.
Robby wiped at my make up and whispered that I would do great. Just to act normal.
Act normal? Who was he kidding?
That was kind of hard to do at the moment.
Craig had eventually pulled on my sleeve, signaling that we were to go onstage. I sighed and reluctantly stood up, throwing the strap of my guitar over my show.
I placed a fake smile on my lips, stepping onto the stage and up to my usual spot. There were around the same amount of kids here. Four hundred or so.
“ Robby… I can’t…” I murmured as he passed. He gave me an encouraging smile and my hopeless look disappeared.
Only for the fans.
On the inside I was still dying. Crying, dying, wanting to leave so badly.
I wanted to go and slit my wrists.
Wait a second.
I didn’t think that, did I? Yeah… I did.

The show went along and we played our songs. My hands moved like a robot. I put no energy into the show at all. I don’t think anybody saw, maybe a few. Robby announced that Jake was going to sing a song. I sprinted off the stage almost, tears streaming down my face.
Jake started to sing and strum a soft melody on his guitar.
“Crumpled papers thrown aside
Drowning in a tragedy
Colors clashing with sound
Why can’t this end happily?” He sang, and I heard. I could not stop listening. Why me?
“ Snapped guitar strings
Broken hearts
Another shattered dream
Why don’t you just tear me apart? (apart?)

Lyric sheets torn to pieces
Choking on your sorrow
Blurred vision and numbed ears
I don’t think I’ll see tomorrow

Snapped guitar strings
Broken hearts
Another shattered dream
Why don’t you just tear me apart? (apart?)
Snapped guitar strings
Broken hearts
Another shattered dream
Why don’t you just tear me apart? (apart?)

Sorrow and tragedy
Lyrics and drawings
These colors expressed in sounds
I try to grab hold on reality but keep on falling
Your words echo in my ears.
You said:
Snapped guitar strings
Broken hearts
Another shattered dream
Why don’t you just tear me apart? (apart?)
To me”

How could he know what I was feeling? How could he sense it? Why did he know these things and then write a song? He loved BERT.
Not me.
I was hopeless.
Oh so hopeless.

I ran. Ran back to the bus once they came backstage, grabbing my case and just running as fast as I could to get out of there.