Snapped Guitar Strings and Broken Hearts

“ I hope I’ve made my point, Jake. Now get out of this bus and go back to Bert.” I heard Craig’s voice again and then footsteps leaving. They were heavy, almost reluctant, if that was possible.
“Craig…” I mumbled, hoping down in yesterday’s clothes. “ That was Jake, wasn’t it?”
“ Yeah. It was.” He said, rubbing my back. I just shook my head, stepping away and sighing.
“ Craig, I don’t need your help.” I mumbled. Matters were in everybody else’s hands. Why couldn’t I do anything for myself?
Take care of my life myself?
Other people seemed to be able to have control over their lives. Why couldn’t I have this kind of control?
I want to. I don’t want everything served to me.
No, I’m going to take control.
“ What do you mean?” He asked me, confused.
“ I mean that I could have dealt with him. I could have dealt with my problems without anybody helping me.”
“ Gwin, you slit your wrists. Nobody expects you to take control yet.”
“ Exactly. Nobody expects it,” I started, looking at the floor. They must not expect much. But how could you blame them?
I was Gwin.
Not a normal person, but the screwed up girl I am. “ But that doesn’t mean I can’t try, right?”
“ Okay… Just… be careful if he comes back.”
Wow.
He actually listened to me. That’s great.
A nice start to this…

“ Hey, Robby… Where are we?” I asked, munching on a blue raspberry sour skittle. Yum.
“ Um…let me ask Rick. We missed like 10 shows though, you know that?” He seemed a bit disappointed. I know I was in myself. BAD GWIN.
“ Shit. I’m sorry, Rob.” He shrugged his shoulders and then walked into the driver’s room thing.
I had no idea what to call it.
Robby came back out announcing that we were to grace a stage in Houston. I hit him with a Skittle for trying to be fancy.
“ Robby, don’t talk like that. It’s stupid.”
He rolled his eyes and sighed, plopping down next to me on the tan couch. Robby stared ahead and then Craig ran in, jumping into Robby’s lap, making them both tumble to the floor.
It almost seemed normal in here.
I smiled, and that made the two of them grin madly.
“ Hahaha. Gwin is smiling!” Craig sang, pinching my cheek. I winced, wrinkling my nose and shoving him away.
“ Am not!” I whined, being pulled onto the ground with them. Aiden and Caleb walked in, hand in hand.
“ Looks like somebody’s taking their meds!” Aiden joked, prodding me with her foot. I pulled on her leg, bringing her and Caleb down on top of us. Ouch.
“ Who is on my leg!?” I whined, trying to move my lower half, which was pinned down. I’m gonna tackle whoever is on there…
Aiden was giggling and I looked up glaring at her. “ Aidy, get off!!” I yelled, and Rick emerged, a weird grin on his face.
“ Oh. Shit.” I heard Craig and suddenly there was a larger weight on us. I saw neon orange hair too. Dammit, Ricky.
“ Ricky, get off,” Aiden screeched, giggling madly. Caleb and Rick were tickling her. Wow, this was weird.
I wriggled from underneath Aiden, to be pinned down by Craig. He growled and then poked my forehead. Giving him a weird look, I got out from under him and crawled back over to the mini fridge.
“ I’m having some Vault, anybody else want something?” I received various answers, all including names of drinks. Sighing, I threw my arms up and just laughed.
“ Well, you lazy asses go get it yourself then!” They all rushed up, pushing me onto the ground. Hmph.
I grumbled, getting up and onto the couch again, gripping the Vault.
“ Gosh, Gwin. Go back to being depressed will ya?” Caleb asked, plopping down next to me and batting his dark eyelashes. I rolled my eyes, and Aiden giggled, sitting on top of Caleb and I, Rockstar in her hand.
“ Oh, no. Aidy’s got caffeine. God knows what she’ll do with it…” I sighed and then Aiden just giggled a bit louder.
Ricky came over, pushing Aiden onto Caleb completely and sitting on my lap. I sank into the couch, whining for him to get off. He probably weighed about 40 pounds more than me.
“ Gosh, Ricky, you’re gonna squish our guitarist!” Craig complained, whacking him upside the head.
“ Yeah, what Craig said, get UP!” I whined, trying to move my legs from under him. It wasn’t working out too well, either.
His neon orange hair was in my face and I swear my legs were about to be crushed. “ RICKY GET OFF!” I yelled, receiving freedom of my lower half. Ha. I win.
“ Loser.” I mumbled, throwing my empty Vault bottle at him.
“ Loser.” He mocked me, throwing an empty beer can at me.
“ Hey, where did you get the beer?” I asked, my eyes lighting up.
“ It’s in the fridge behind the energy drinks, dumbo.” Ricky laughed, getting up and grabbing one for him and I.
I squealed, opening the drink and bringing it to Rick’s. He clinked them together and I took a long gulp.
The alcohol stung the back of my throat. It was a weird feeling, but I downed the rest anyways. Craig rolled his eyes and I threw the beer can at him, missing.
Shows how coordinate I am when I’ve had beer.

Five beers and six Vaults later, most of us were either drunk, sugar high or a mix of both.
I was mixed.
My vision was blurring, and my head was pounding like a hammer. It hurt a bit, but I didn’t really notice the pain.
I had a carefree feeling. It was nice.

We were sitting in a tiny circle, the six of us. I was across from Ricky, and had Craig on my right side, Caleb on my left side. Of course the two couples were sitting together.
Ricky picked up an empty bottle of MDX and sat it in the middle, stopping our mindless chatter. I poked it, erupting in a fit of giggles.
Then Ricky started to speak in a slurred voice, hiccupping every once in a while.
“ Let’s play Spin The Bottle!” I was in for it and agreed. I think everybody else agreed too, but I wasn’t too sure. I was smashed.
“ Okay, who wants to go first?” Craig suggested, leaning onto Robby, who was about to fall asleep it seemed.
Good thing our show was tomorrow.
“ I’ll go…” I mumbled drunkenly, giving the bottle a flick. It was enough to make my head spin while it continuously spun. Ow.
Eventually, the bottle halted to a stop. I shrugged and drunkenly asked if he’d like to.
“ Sure, whatever Gwinny, just c’mon.” Craig said impatiently, pulling me over so I could place a kiss on his lips.
I had only lingered for a moment, but in that moment, the door had
opened and in came Jake. When I cast him a glance, sorrow had creased his figure. He was frowning, and his mouth agape. I could understand why. I mean, he had no idea we were playing Spin The Bottle and he walks in to find his ex-girlfriend making out with his best friend. Hmph. It’s what he deserves. What do you think I had to go through?
I only shrugged and he walked up to me with a weird expression that I couldn’t read. But I giggled and he sniffed.
“ Okay, you’re drunk. That’s fine.” I didn’t get it. What was fine?
I was still giggling when Robby was kissing Rick, who surprisingly had tackled him, almost ending up in a make out session. But Craig was
pissed off. Jake was sitting on the couch behind us, silent the whole time. I was wondering vaguely with my undrunk half what he was thinking.
But I continued to stare blankly, Aiden kissing Robby and Caleb I. I barely felt it and soon enough, passed out.
Next morning I heard a soft giggling by my bunk and somebody ‘shh’ing somebody else. Oh, god.
“ WAKE UP, GWIN!” Rick screeched, pouncing on me. That was way too loud…hangover, man. I shrieked, laughing as he tickled my sides. Ouch, that was a bit loud too.
Soon enough, I was complaining, telling Ricky that my head hurt really badly and he needed to leave me alone.
I was still in yesterday’s clothes, and Rick complained that he had to carry me last night. But I was busily eating a toaster strudel and pulling on my clothes. The pastry was hanging from my mouth when Aiden walked in and burst into a fit of giggles.
“ Shuddup, Aidy…” I whined, taking a bite as she leaned in the frame of the hallway. She only laughed harder, holding onto the frame for support. I rolled my eyes, finishing it off and wiping the crumbs from my grey Saosin shirt. I’d put a black long sleeve shirt on under it, covering up my wrists successfully.
But I’m sure all our fans would’ve heard about it. Through Rick of course. He would’ve explained though, if not, I would explain.
Aiden giggled before coming over and once again dragging me into the tiny bathroom of our tour bus. She put on coal colored eyeliner, making my grey blue eyes stand out. It was simple today, and I liked it.
Once I was free to go, I had grabbed my case and headed into sound check. Aiden and Ricky would be working our merchandise stand, hoping to get some more fans. Today I was in a good mood. I was happy.
I was normal.
Wow, what a great feeling. To be in control. Sure, I had a splitting headache and Advil that wouldn’t kick in for about another ten minutes, but I was in control.
I wasn’t lost today.
Craig was on one side of me, talking. “ Gwin, the rest of the guys are up there. We gotta hurry or they’ll kick our butts, man.”
I nodded and we took off in a sprint, cases banging against our thighs with the rhythm of our feet.
“ I am never running with my guitar case again…. Especially in Texas…” I panted, collapsing after setting down my instrument on an amp.
Robby laughed at me, kicking my side. “ Get up, we have a show to play, dammit.”
I whined, pulling myself off the group and dusting my butt off. People need to learn to clean up the backstage, man. Dust and litter everywhere.
But the amps seemed more abundant. That was only expected. Seriously, it’s a backstage for a rock concert.
What do you think?
Okay, enough rambling.
I looked over at Jake again. It was a struggle to even look at him when he wasn’t with Bert. But, I guess I would have to deal with it.
And now was a time to overcome fear. All my obstacles were to be gone.
I had slowly stepped over to him, guitar slung on my back. My movements were still cautious, and he turned to me with melancholy in his eyes. I almost couldn’t read them.
“ Hey, Jake, do you know the set for today?” I asked, innocently. I just wanted to start a conversation, try to have our already abnormal lives closer to reality. Our friends were vampires, now why do we have to avoid the only other humans in the band?
Don’t ask me, he cheated on me.
“ Um, yeah, we have the same one we played in Everett. We’re gonna start with ‘Buried In Euphoria’ again.” He nodded, not making eye contact with me. What a coward.
I sighed, thanking him and walking away. Gosh, he was worse than me. That was something.
I’d made my way back over to the rest of the guys, getting reassurances. They weren’t needed and I told them to forget about it.
“ It’s his fault if he wants to avoid me. I’m trying to be his friend, at least.”
Craig shrugged at my comment. I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing or not. We got a call to go onstage and took one of my anti’s from my pocket and swallowed it dry.
Maybe I could play a better show with them.
Who knew? Not me.
So I walked on stage, faking a smile. My grey sleeve was tugged successfully over my annoying, white, gauze bandage.
Robby started off like normal and I played as energetically as I could. More of the fans seemed to be able to sing with Rob this time. That was a booster on my mood and soon enough my smile became genuine.
Surprising, eh?
I thought so.