Snapped Guitar Strings and Broken Hearts

Ricky's In Love<3

We walked back to our little booth of merchandise crap to see Ricky kind of dazed.
Weird. Normally much does not faze him.
So being me, I went up and poked him.
No response.
Hmmm…. So I walked over to Aiden, and asked her. “ Aiden, did Rick hit his head or something? He looks dazed.”
“ Nah. I think Ricky is in loooove.” She cracked up and received a glare from the neon orange haired man.
“ Really?” I asked, my mood lifting. I was definitely happy for our manager. He said that he hadn’t been in a relationship since high school.
The man is twenty-one.
You gotta feel bad for him.
“ Who’s the lucky girl?” I questioned, sitting behind the booth as Aiden handed out a patch with our logo on it.
Ricky gave a shy smile, scratching the back of his neck. He nodded over to where a woman, around nineteen or twenty, stood.
I could make out her features from this distance. She had burgundy hair that fell to her shoulders, brushed into one eye. The color was almost purple in a way.
Her skin was tanned a bit, eyes shadowed by what they all call, ‘emo glasses’. But you could clearly see the hazel orbs behind them. She was short, shorter than I was.
She was around Caleb’s height.
Her head rested against the fence, blue jeans hanging on her slim legs. On her upper half was a maroon Panic! At The Disco shirt.
Seemed like Rick’s opposite almost.
“ Isn’t she pretty?” Ricky asked, in a dazed, zoned voice. I chuckled, nodding for an answer.
“ Talk to her, Rick!” I insisted, and he only shook his head, grinning madly. Shy, much?
“ Ricky, seriously,” Aiden agreed, prodding him
But he still only shook his head. Gosh, I’ll drag the girl over here and make him talk to her.
I let out a sigh and took him by the arm pulling him over. “ Ricky did she buy anything?
“ Yeah, she bought one of the white shirts.” I smiled. My plan would work for sure.
“ Why don’t you go over there and tell her you can get her shirt signed?” I asked, hoping he’d agree and do it.
But of course, he refused.
Just my luck, huh?
That’s why I say. So now I have to figure out a way to get Rick with this girl. Or maybe it was never meant to be.
Just a crush from afar, possibly?
We’ll see tomorrow…

Most of us passed out that night. Rick drove the tour bus but that was a given. Jake actually slept in the bus with us, which was the first time in days. I had the bunk that Jake and I used to share to myself. My ex took over the one that only Rick slept in sometimes during the days.
So, like I was saying, none of us in the band or Aiden had sugar and all fell asleep almost an hour after the show. I went to bed before, but that was just me. I slept a lot now.
I guess that was normal for depression. Maybe it wasn’t, but who cares? Hah, not me.

The next morning I woke up and the bus was still moving. Everyone else was asleep and I shakily made my way into the bathroom, taking a shower. It was nice. I only took one every other day now, and normally the water was freezing. But it was warm now.
Wow. Showers feel good early in the morning.
I walked out, a towel wrapped around myself, everything covered. I’d forgotten to bring a change of clothes in.
There was Jake, getting out of his bunk and just staring at me, my hair soaking wet and dripping.
I scowled at him and he walked by as I pulled out clothes from my bag in my bunk.
Oh boy. Jake would be talking about this later.
Well, probably not considering his attitude, but you get it. He’ll have this in his head or just glance at me now.
I made my way back into the bathroom, welcoming the warmer air compared to the cool atmosphere in the rest of the bus. I pulled on the pair of black skinny jeans I’d pulled out with an Avenged Sevenfold belt. My shirt was also featuring the A7X logo and name with a plain black jacket over it.
Plus my awesome straight-laced etnies. But I always wore those.
I ran a brush through my hair, slowly drying and straightening it. It looked better today, though I considered cutting it.
The length was almost to my mid-back. I could donate the hair too.

Once my hair was dry and straight I’d brushed it into it’s normal place, covering one of my eyes and went back into the alcove. Jake, Aiden and Craig now populated the space, joined by me.
I went and grabbed a cup of coffee, joining Craig on the couch.
“ Hmmm…I wonder where we are….” First thing in my mind every morning. Don’t ask me why, but that always seems to be my first question in the morning.
“ I thought Rick said we were in Texas somewhere.” Craig shrugged, sipping at his coffee. One thing the guys managed to do while being vampires was to drink beverages. Not bad.
“ Yeah, thanks, that’s specific, Craig.” I rolled my eyes, jerking as the bus stopped. I heard somebody fall out of their bunk and then a shout from Caleb. Figures he would, weighing almost nothing. Haha. Loser.
“ RICKY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” He screeched, coming up into the alcove where our manager was laughing.
“ Sure ya are, little man.” Ricky smirked, patting Caleb’s head. But the younger of the two was truthfully about half the size of the other.
Told you Caleb was a midget.
Caleb only fumed under Ricky, grumbling and walking back to his bunk with the low hanging black pajama pants that exposed his boxers.
Guys and showing off their boxers now. What a weird trend. But y’know… I don’t think I mind.
Ha, just messing with you. There are extremes though.
Aiden seemed to be enjoying the view though. I cast her a glance and she turned away, whistling ‘innocently’. Psh. Yeah. Right.
Innocently my ass.
I rolled my eyes, getting up and walking around, eating skittles. Ricky and Aiden were going to work our booth again today, and we were supposed to have a signing session thing after the show too. Fun.
Well, it might be. Get to meet the fans, talk to them.
The show was supposed to be about an hour earlier than most of the times we played. I hope we sell some more stuff this time.
We’ve actually made some money so far on this trip. So that’s cool.
And now Aiden is once again putting on black eyeliner that faded into my silver eye smudge.
Nice effects.
This time almost all of us except for Robby were going to be late for sound check. But I can imagine that.
I mean, we couldn’t find our instruments. They were back in the room when they were supposed to be sitting out.
I'm going to kill whoever put them there. Even if it was Rick.

After the show we went back to the booth, happy to sign all the shiz that the fans bought and even their own items. Shirts, shoes, body parts, papers, some CDs, and other random objects were all inked up.
And then that girl came up. She wanted Craig, Caleb and I to sign her already littered converses. They had so many signatures and she looked estatic. Caleb and her chatted and I prodded Ricky.
He was way too shy for his own good.
“ Riiicky… Talk to her!” He sighed, shaking his head.
Stubborn, much?
“ RICKY!” Aiden screeched in his ear and he winced. The girl laughed quietly, turning away. “ Go. Get. Her.”
He whined, stepping out and leaving us to sign the stuff that was shoved into our faces. Out of the corner of my eye I was watching our manager sprint over to the girl. I caught bits and pieces of the conversation, but not the whole thing.
But he would grin every once in a while and gesture with his hands. I wonder how it was going.
I was still signing crap and listening to the bits of their conversation before I was suddenly distracted. There were to shrill voices, of guys of course, screaming.
That scared me.
Stalkers. My eyes went wide and I cowered in fear (over exaggeration).
But once I saw the screaming figures I doubled over in laughter.
It was Quinn and Jepha. Go figure. I see they come to welcome us back on tour, eh?
“ GWINNY! I MISSED YOU!” Quinn squealed, jumping over the booth and on top of me. Gosh, he weighs a lot.
There was more weight crushing me and I saw Jepha’s face behind the bleach blonde guitarist.
“ You guys need to go on Weight Watchers or something, you’re gonna crush me.” I whined, and they pulled me to my feet.
“ I know. I’m /so/ fat.” Quinn whined, looking at his flat stomach. I was kidding, if he lost any weight, he’d probably disappear.
“ Yeah. Right, now why are you here? Do you want me to sign your stomach or something?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips. Jepha hugged me. Aww… He was so soft.
Ha. Soft. Next thing I know I’ll be calling him fuzzy. Or something like that.
“ We missed you when you were gone. And Aiden, of course but we talked to her yesterday and distracted her from selling your crap.” He explained, stepping away and letting Quinn hug me.
“ Awww… I feel so loved now.” I grinned, and suddenly got out of the land I had been in during that conversation. “ Oh. Shit. I gotta sign all that crap.”
“ Nah, go ahead and leave, Gwinny, you’ve got stuff to catch up on,” Rob insisted, shrugging. I only returned the gesture and walked off with my buddy’s from The Used on either side.
We headed over to a parking lot that was halfway deserted; the other half packed with cars and sat down. Quinn decided randomly to sit on me, once again crushing my lower half. “ Goddamn, Quinn, do you aim to kill me when I get back from the hospital?”
Jepha kinda looked away. I guess that’s what they wanted to talk about. The incident, Jake and all that other shit.
All the shit I don’t want to think about, don’t have time to think about anymore. I can’t. I’ll break down.
Quinn decided to talk first, getting off from me. “ Gwin, why did you do that? Hurt yourself like that?”
I bit my lip. Why did I do that? Jake. Yes, that’s why. But they weren’t ones to be talking. “ Why did you do drugs?” I questioned back, looking away.
“ That wasn’t the question.” Jepha insisted, shaking his head. He was now staring at the blacktop, fingers moving across it randomly.
“ You know why.” I murmured, still turned away from them. I’d pulled my knees to my chest and Quinn hugged me. “ You know why I did it, Jeph. You were there.”
“ Gwin, that’s self harm. You could’ve died.” Jepha bit his lip, agreeing with Quinn’s words. I shook my head, resisting tears. Breakdowns weren’t fun.
“ I didn’t know. I…I… I just did it. It felt so good.” I whispered, burying my head in between my knees and refusing to show my face.
A different pair of arms wrapped around me. Jepha.
“ Hey, Gwin, we know how good pain feels. But… you can’t do it. It’ll destroy you.” He whispered, rocking the both of us back and forth.
I let the tears fall. I couldn’t help it anymore. My dam had broken.
“ Let it.” I insisted, tears still forming and cascading endlessly over the rims of my eyes. Tears of death. Blackened tears that fell from broken hearts. “ If I can’t feel anything else, let it destroy me. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I want to disappear. Cease to exist.”
“ Don’t say that.” I heard Quinn from beside us. I looked over seeing he was on his knees on the pavement as Jeph and I were. I guess they knew how good self-harm felt…
But I couldn’t let it die right now.
I had to keep using it. Just…more careful next time. Yeah, that was it. Don’t cut so near the vein. That was it.
Longer periods of time in between cuts. That was it.
My solution. So nobody could ever find out again.
“ Gwin?” Jepha asked. He was holding my shoulders at arms length, shaking me. I was in a trance again. Goddamn.
“ Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m here. Just…just thinking.” I stuttered, massaging my temple and standing up. I needed to get away.
“ Gwin, I don’t want you to leave right now…” Jeph said awkwardly. He sounded nervous, scratching the back of his neck.
“ How the fu—“ He cut me off before I could finish the swearing.
“ You were walking away. Its obvious you were going to leave.”
Oh. Haha.
Well, I did want to check on Ricky, truthfully. But Jepha must have something important seeing as Quinn had left a minute or so ago.
“What is it, Jeph?” I asked, exasperated. I just wanted to go to sleep right now. I’m so tired. So tired of not being able to help myself.
“ Um… Gwin….”He kind of paused in between the words. That was bugging me. I wanted to sleep. So badly.
“ Spit it out, Jeph, I’m tired.” I snapped. Maybe a bit too harshly. But gosh, I was about to collapse right there.
“ Gwin, I don’t know what to say. You just…” He paused, kind of punching his own palm, searching for words. “ You can’t hurt yourself. I won’t let you hurt yourself. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself.”
What was he implying?
“ Jepha, can it wait…tomorrow, after your set, I’ll come back here, just, we’ll talk tomorrow. I’m tired and I can’t understand anything.” I turned away, muttering an apology and left him there.
I didn’t know what he was trying to say. I didn’t know what to do. I was just tired out of my mind.

I made my way back into the tour bus, greeted by a grinning Ricky. He shoved his hand in my face, squealing excitedly. What a teenie.
“ Gwin! Gwin! She gave me her number!!” He exclaimed, bouncing up and down on his feet. Sometimes I worried about him, but right now I just wanted to sleep.
But I looked at his hand, noticing a number written with a neon orange pen. What a coincidence that Rick’s hair is that color…
“ Rick, do you know her name?” I asked, rubbing my head. If he didn’t know her name, I would say he does not know enough and should confront her again.
“ Rai.” He replied happily. “ Isn’t it an awesome name?!”
Gosh, he sounded like a prep right now…and that scared me.
“ Ricky, please settle down. Tell me more in the morning? I’m tired….” I whispered, turning away and walking towards my bunk.
“ Sure. But Gwin, its only six.” He called, a concerned look on his face when I craned my head to look at him.
I had been going to bed early and sleeping late recently. It worried the other people. But I just wanted to get away from life. I mean, how could you blame me when I’ve got nobody to hold onto.
“ I know. I replied, walking back into the bunks. I heard a light snoring from Jake’s bunk. He was always sleeping too.
Wonder what happened to him.
Wait. Why do I care?
I don’t.
That’s right. I don’t care.

I snapped from my thoughts, climbing up into my bunk. I lay there, and then slipped off my belt and shoes again. Just wanting to sleep, I threw the discarded clothing items aside, probably landing in the isle. My eyes slipped shut and sleep washed over me.
Ricky was in love. And I don’t know what I was going to do with him. I have to make sure he doesn’t get hurt, now.