Always Searching

Two months have passed from that day in September when I didn't say goodbye. Its now Thanksgiving and the Cyrus family invited us to dinner.

My once medium length straight blonde hair has been replaced with a long brown wig that I call my new hair.

Mason and Trace gave me the idea to get it and the helped me pick it out.
They became my best friends during this time and they help me when I feel like I'm dying and they make me live again.

Trace and me, well, its like were dating without the titles. We hold hands, when we go places, kiss each others cheeks. I just don't want that kind of title again because I don't what the attachment and Trace understands.

It was hard to say goodbye to Joe, after everything that has happened. I still hoped that one day Joe will just walk through that door and want me.Like I want him.

Their concert is tomorrow night and Mandy has everything planned out with Paul and Denise. I know the boys know I'm going to be there. Mandy also says she hast said anything and for that. I thank her.

"Bella you ready?" Mason called from my doorway.

"Yeah." I yelled back and put the pen down. I was working on a song that just came into my head after the song My Heart by Paramore came on it, and made me think of him, all over again.

My brown "hair" was half up and curled. It was hard to tell that it was a wig, it looked and felt real. My eyeliner was evenly placed along with my foundation and my mascara.

My dress was shiny pink with a black ribbon that tied around the middle. It went to just above my knee and and was strapless. I matched it with a black old fashion necklace with pink rhinestones in it and a pair of black flats.

"You look very pretty Bella." Miley said as she opened the door with Trace standing behind her. Miley and me became good friends, she became my best girl friend around here. "Doesn't she Trace?"

Trace was gawking at me. He blushed at his sister comment and cleared his throat. "No she looks beautiful." I smiled as he kissed my cheek.

"Thank You." I mumbled. He smiled and walked me into the living room.

"You feeling okay today?" Miley asked as Trace, who still held my hand talk to Mason. I nodded. "Good. I'm so happy. I um kinda have this guy that I really like coming over tonight with his family and I I'm uh."

"Nervous?" she nodded. I giggled and patted her bare knee, she was dress about the same length as mine in blue."You'll be fine what his -"

I was interrupted by the doorbell and Miley ran to answer it. I giggled and leaned into Trace.

"You okay Bells?" he asked me. I nodded and closed my eyes. I felt him turn a little to wrap his arm around me. "You just rest." I nodded as he made small circles on my arm.

"Guys." Miley said. I could here several other people follow in with her. "This is Nick, Kevin, Joe, Paul, and Denise." Why did those names have to sound familiar. "Jonas."

My eyes shot open and I was meet with familiar faces. "Oh my god." I muttered and Trace looked down at me.

"You okay?" he asked. I didn't answer him. I was in a trance looking at the boy on the end with his hair that looked the same. His brown eyes didn't land on mine actually none of them did, that was until Trace said my name. "Bella?" I didn't know what else he said I was gone.

Joe's head snapped to me and he was searching my eyes like he was looking for something.

"Denise? Paul? Boys?" My moms voice rang into the room and all there attention went to her for a second till I had everyone back on mine.

The parents went into the kitchen and it was like all eyes were on me. I felt like I was suffocating.

"Bella." Miley said. I looked at her and she was standing there holding onto Nick's hand. "This is Nick. Nick is this-"

"Yeah." Nick smiled at me. "We know each other."

Miley looked confused along with Trace and Mason.

I nodded. "Yep...Old friends."

"Still friends." Kevin corrected me and I nodded. Joe still hadn't said anything nor did he take his eyes off of me.

"Wheres Mandy?" I asked. I felt self-conscious and uncomfortable with brown eyes staring at me.

"She went home, for the holiday." Nick said.

Miley, Nick sat on the love seat and Kevin took the other chair. Leaving the only empty seat next to me.

I smiled at Joe and patted the stop next me. He shook his head and walked over and slowly and uncomfortably sat next to me.

Trace talked with Kevin and Mason while Nick and Miley were in their own little world.

"How are you?" Joe asked softly. I turned towards him and looked at him.

"Been better. You?" I asked.

He smiled weakly at me as his eyes focused on something else. I followed his eyes that lead to mine and Trace's hands. "Been better."

And thats all that we said to each other. We just stared at each other like no one or anything else was important. We only broke for dinner and before I knew it, it was time to go.

I hugged everyone goodbye and stared at the three boys who were leaving the same time we where.

"Great to see you Bella." Kevin said. I nodded and gave him a hug.

"You too." I said and gave Nick hug. "I missed you."

"Me too Bells me to." he muttered in my hair.

I looked at Joe and smiled weakly getting a smile in turn. He was about to hug me but hesitated.

"Bella." I turned around at my name and saw Trace. He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek. "I'll pick you up at five." I nodded and kissed his cheek as he walked back into his house.

"New boyfriend?" Joe asked coldly. I looked at him but didn't answer as I was on the verge of tears. "You could at least answer me. You owe me that much."

"I don't owe you anything." I cried and tilted my head to look up at the moonlight. He scoffed and just walked away.

"You okay Bella?" Nick asked. "You don't look good."

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"You still love him?" Kevin asked me. I looked at him and nodded. "I'm sorry he's being like this Bells."

"Don't be. It's my fault."