Always Searching

I was laying in my bed with my IPOD playing in my ears.

Today was one of those bad days. I felt like I was dying. I wanted to scream out in pain. Some days, I just want everything to be over with. The pain, the medication.

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

I just want my old life back.

"Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard A sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening."

I sang our song today letting the tears flow through my eyes. Not pain of the cancer, pain of my broken heart. Nothing but a love sick melody.

"Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
(My heart, it beats for you)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart, my heart is yours
(It beats, beats for only you. My heart is your's)
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart, my heart is yours
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is yours
My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is yours
My heart is..."

"Wow."

I opened my eyes and say Nick leaning against my door frame. I sat up and folded my legs Indian style. I patted the spot next to me. He came and sat down looking around my room before looking back at me.

They finished there tour about a week ago and just got settled in next door. Nick came over when he could, just to see me. I think Joe had him come just to see how I was doing.

"You have a beautiful voice." he said.

"Thank you." I spoke softly somewhat embarrassed that he just caught me singing our song.

"What's that?" he asked pointing to a notebook sitting next to me.

"A notebook."

He scoffed. "I know that smart ass, but I mean what's in it."

I laughed and regretted it as it caused my body to ache. "You okay?"

I nodded and handed him the notebook. "Just some songs, I wrote."

"Wow..." he said as he flipped through the pages. "These are better than mine Bella."

I doubt that. "Thanks" I smiled.

I noticed he was reading one page a little longer than the other ones. "I like this stanza." I looked over and smiled at it.

"That's all I could think of for it." I told him.

"Do you have a pencil?" I nodded and gave one to him.

He began scribbling things down and erasing them till he was done and rereading them in his head. "There."

Got the news today
Doctors said I had to stay
A little bit longer and I'll be fine

When I thought it'd all been done
When I thought it'd all been said
A little bit longer and I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got until it's gone
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low
And every time you smile you laugh, you glow

You don't even know

All this time goes by
Still no reason why
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
Waiting on a cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer and I'll be fine

I smiled. "I like it." I riped it out and handed it to him. "You should use it for your next CD."

The song he finished for me was about my cancer but it can also be about Nick's diabetes. We're pretty much in the same boat.

He shook his head. "It's your song."

"But you wrote most of it. Keep it, I insist." he nodded and put it in his pocket.

"I have an idea." he said. I raised an eyebrow at him, telling him to continue. "Why don't you sing it with me.'

I stared at him blankly before his words actually began to phase me."Your kidding right?" I laughed.

He shook his head. "I wont record it, if you wont sing it with me."

I sighed but nodded. "Fine. Thanks Nicky."

He laughed at me calling him Nicky like the good old days. And I was beginning to think I might just get them all back.