The Road to Acceptance
Chapter Fourteen
Mike remembered everything about the Spring Formal night. As much as he hated it, he remembered every last detail. Right down to the very underwear he had worn.
He remembered the sickening reality that all of a sudden, everyone knew about his affair with his sister. He remembered the rage in Billie's eyes as he crashed through their kitchen window. He remembered the warm blood soaking through his jeans as he cradled Adrienne in his lap.
He remembered how his whole life just collapsed the minute Adrienne's heart stopped beating.
The bullet wasn't meant for her. Even Billie said that. They thought she had left the room.
"Now look what you're making me do," Billie had snarled. She turned round at the wrong time, just as the gun was raised.
"Billie no!" Mike had never expected her to throw herself in front of him. It should have been the other way round. He should have protected her.
Billie had admitted that the sound of her voice had shocked him. It was an accident. He had jumped and pulled the trigger. Mike remembered how Billie couldn't stop apologising; like saying sorry would suddenly inject life back into her limp body.
Mike had wanted to hate Billie so bad. He had wanted to feel glad at the fifteen year sentence the judge had slapped on him.
But he couldn't. No matter how bitter Mike wanted to be with Billie, deep down he knew it was all just one awful accident. Billie had been angry and Mike couldn't blame him for that. After all, he had been lied to by his best friend and love interest for a very long time. With the gun involved, everything was just out of hand.
What pained Mike the most was that he was the only one that thought that way. Mike's parents wanted to settle for nothing less than the death penalty for Billie Joe.
'A life for a life,' Mike's dad had said.
When Mike gave evidence at Billie's trial and said it was just one big accident, his parents stopped talking to him. They didn't even go to see him during his spell at the state's Juvenile Detention Centre, his penalty for having a relationship with his sister, and even after release when he was living back at home, relationships were frayed.
He thought his mother would drop down dead when he suggested that Billie be part of the memorial for Adrienne.
"No way," she right out refused. "How could you even ask of such a thing?! He murdered your sister Michael, I'll never forgive him."
"And neither will I---but at the end of the day I know Adrienne would want him there---"
"You have a funny way of showing it! The only reason he's still breathing is because you couldn't be man enough to make him pay for his crime!"
"Billie is paying for it! He has to live everyday with the fact that he killed Adrienne. And not on purpose! He's paying enough by being in a prison miles away from anything, with real cold blooded murderers!"
"I'm sorry son, it'd just be too hard on your mother," his father said.
"She's not the only one suffering though. We all are. Billie included and Adrienne would want us all to be together on her birthday. You both know it."
It took some persuading, but Mike managed to make them agree that by inviting Billie, Adrienne would rest easily somewhere.
Nothing could have prepared him for going to see Billie in prison. Fear overcame him on the bus ride up the long dirt track to the main entrance, it took three guards to settle his panic attack. He hadn't seen or heard anything from Billie since the day he had been sentenced. He couldn't begin to imagine how he had taken to prison life or if he would go through with seeing him at all. But Mike knew the meeting had to be done. Grudges needed to be laid to rest, well, with him anyway. Mike just wished he could say the same about his parents.
The guards had scheduled an hour, Mike lasted twenty minutes with Billie. Seeing the pale, gaunt frame of a man whom he knew to be so full of passion and life proved too much to bear.
"I'm sorry," Billie said over and over again. Mike soon cut him short, he wasn't there to listen to how sorry he was. Mike knew that anyway, he just wanted to deal with the matter in hand as quickly as possible before he broke down with sheer exasperation at how exhausted his best friend looked.
Neither of them were ashamed to cry when talking about Adrienne. And once Mike had invited Billie to the memorial, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from off his shoulders. Still, he couldn't manage the full hour, he didn't want to rush things.
"One hurdle down, just to actually get through seeing him on the outside now," he told himself on his journey back home. Pulling out his wallet, he opened it and stared at the pic of him and Adrienne that his mother had taken right before they left for the formal. "This is all for you baby," he whispered, stroking the cheek of Adrienne. "Help me through this."
He remembered the sickening reality that all of a sudden, everyone knew about his affair with his sister. He remembered the rage in Billie's eyes as he crashed through their kitchen window. He remembered the warm blood soaking through his jeans as he cradled Adrienne in his lap.
He remembered how his whole life just collapsed the minute Adrienne's heart stopped beating.
The bullet wasn't meant for her. Even Billie said that. They thought she had left the room.
"Now look what you're making me do," Billie had snarled. She turned round at the wrong time, just as the gun was raised.
"Billie no!" Mike had never expected her to throw herself in front of him. It should have been the other way round. He should have protected her.
Billie had admitted that the sound of her voice had shocked him. It was an accident. He had jumped and pulled the trigger. Mike remembered how Billie couldn't stop apologising; like saying sorry would suddenly inject life back into her limp body.
Mike had wanted to hate Billie so bad. He had wanted to feel glad at the fifteen year sentence the judge had slapped on him.
But he couldn't. No matter how bitter Mike wanted to be with Billie, deep down he knew it was all just one awful accident. Billie had been angry and Mike couldn't blame him for that. After all, he had been lied to by his best friend and love interest for a very long time. With the gun involved, everything was just out of hand.
What pained Mike the most was that he was the only one that thought that way. Mike's parents wanted to settle for nothing less than the death penalty for Billie Joe.
'A life for a life,' Mike's dad had said.
When Mike gave evidence at Billie's trial and said it was just one big accident, his parents stopped talking to him. They didn't even go to see him during his spell at the state's Juvenile Detention Centre, his penalty for having a relationship with his sister, and even after release when he was living back at home, relationships were frayed.
He thought his mother would drop down dead when he suggested that Billie be part of the memorial for Adrienne.
"No way," she right out refused. "How could you even ask of such a thing?! He murdered your sister Michael, I'll never forgive him."
"And neither will I---but at the end of the day I know Adrienne would want him there---"
"You have a funny way of showing it! The only reason he's still breathing is because you couldn't be man enough to make him pay for his crime!"
"Billie is paying for it! He has to live everyday with the fact that he killed Adrienne. And not on purpose! He's paying enough by being in a prison miles away from anything, with real cold blooded murderers!"
"I'm sorry son, it'd just be too hard on your mother," his father said.
"She's not the only one suffering though. We all are. Billie included and Adrienne would want us all to be together on her birthday. You both know it."
It took some persuading, but Mike managed to make them agree that by inviting Billie, Adrienne would rest easily somewhere.
Nothing could have prepared him for going to see Billie in prison. Fear overcame him on the bus ride up the long dirt track to the main entrance, it took three guards to settle his panic attack. He hadn't seen or heard anything from Billie since the day he had been sentenced. He couldn't begin to imagine how he had taken to prison life or if he would go through with seeing him at all. But Mike knew the meeting had to be done. Grudges needed to be laid to rest, well, with him anyway. Mike just wished he could say the same about his parents.
The guards had scheduled an hour, Mike lasted twenty minutes with Billie. Seeing the pale, gaunt frame of a man whom he knew to be so full of passion and life proved too much to bear.
"I'm sorry," Billie said over and over again. Mike soon cut him short, he wasn't there to listen to how sorry he was. Mike knew that anyway, he just wanted to deal with the matter in hand as quickly as possible before he broke down with sheer exasperation at how exhausted his best friend looked.
Neither of them were ashamed to cry when talking about Adrienne. And once Mike had invited Billie to the memorial, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from off his shoulders. Still, he couldn't manage the full hour, he didn't want to rush things.
"One hurdle down, just to actually get through seeing him on the outside now," he told himself on his journey back home. Pulling out his wallet, he opened it and stared at the pic of him and Adrienne that his mother had taken right before they left for the formal. "This is all for you baby," he whispered, stroking the cheek of Adrienne. "Help me through this."