This Tragic Affair

I nodded slowly and let go of some of my apprehension. I guessed that by now, I should just accept that Ronnie knew what he was talking about, so I just sat and stared up at Ronnie, staring down at me from his place on the bed. I looked into his eyes for a moment, and saw there what almost seemed to be both fear and relief. It was strange, seeing him like this; then again, it was stranger, him seeing me like this. I bit my lip out of anticipation when he took a breath to begin.

“You got yourself pretty fucked up, Nicole. And I mean fucked. Up. Do you remember anything about what happened?”

I couldn’t say that I did. I just shook my head, not taking my eyes off Ronnie.

“Of course you don’t,” he snickered. He ran a hair through his hair and left it there, gripping the back of his neck. “You passed out Nicole. You just collapsed, right there on your floor. Just started hacking and wheezing and then it all of a sudden stopped. You were just laying there, slumped over. I though that for a second- as ridiculous as it is… I thought you were dead. Y‘know I though I lost you… But you were breathing, and as soon as I realized you were, I started working. Just to make sure nothing else happened. Honestly, I tried to make things work, but I though to myself, ‘Fuck,’ y‘know? ‘I can‘t do this. Not here.’” By this point, Ronnie was wringing his hands, staring at the floor like he could see it all there. “So I carried you beck to my place, where I thought I could make things happen. But I couldn‘t. It was just all about waiting, really. I did what I could, but it wasn‘t really up to me what happened. I just tried to make you as comfortable as I possibly could. But you were still passed out, right there under my nose. And y’know, maybe that’s my fault. Maybe I should’ve kept a better eye on you, or something. I don’t know. All I know is that seeing you, practically lifeless on the floor like that…” He paused, covering his face with his hands for just a second. “And I’m not trying to be ironic or anything, y’know? I just can’t… There’s just no getting around it. After you flipped out, and you just went limp, and your eyes… You just scared the crap out of me, Nicole.”

And at that point, he scared me. Ronnie screwed his eyes shut before covering them with his hands. The muscles in his jaw tightened a bit while he sucked in a breath. This was serious. I got up from my place on the floor and edged next to Ronnie on the bed, pulling him into my arms, just stroking the back on his hair. He squeezed my waist, burying his in the crook of my neck, breathing.

“I’m so sorry, Ronnie,” I whispered. “I am so, so sorry…”

“This wasn’t your fault, Nicole. And don’t you start thinking that it was.” He pulled away, but I kept my hand on the side of his face, making sure I could see him. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept in days. His energy was low, worried and fearful. I had put him through this. His eyes, they were sort of coming clear, sort of like a fog was finally dissipating, so there was light in them. But how long had that light been gone? It was terrible.

Then he laughed. This sleepy, sweet laugh, like a warm wind through the trees.

“Stop it.” He smiled and touched his forehead to mine. “You’re so melodramatic sometimes.”

How could he do that? I’m sitting here, a part of my is dying on the inside, and he finds a way to make me smile. Ridiculously sweet, that’s what Ronnie was. Ridiculously sweet, and maybe just a little perfect. I slunk an arm around his neck and knew I had to kiss those snakebites.

“Jerk.”

“You know it’s true.”

I smiled, and searched his eyes, seeing the softness and warmth radiating for them that I could feel on his skin. It was amazing; I hadn’t seen him this at ease in a while, and it felt so surreal finally getting back to this point. Almost like I was dreaming it all up. In fact, I’m still not sure if I wasn’t. All I knew was that we were happy, and we were together. And now that I think about it, Ronnie knew it too. So I just did it, closed my eyes and leaned up and kissed him- really kissed him. And that was all I could do, to thank him, to tell him I appreciated him, to show him that I cared, to try and taste some of the sunshine I could see playing across his lips.

And y’know what? It tasted fucking fantastic.

Ronnie tightened his arms around my waist and pulled me back onto the bed with him, so that I was curled up there beside him, with our legs dangling lazily off the side of the bed. Between us, we held hands while I played with his fingers, Ronnie just smiling that same snakebite smile that I was so glad to see again. His eyes were half-closed as he watched my face.

“Y’know,” he sighed, propping himself up on an elbow and reaching over to fiddle with the hem of my shirt. “I like this look. A lot.” Smirk.

“Shut up,” I smiled and buried my face in his shoulder. I could feel myself turning pink.

“What? That’s a sincere compliment!” He chuckled and moved his shoulder away from me, glancing at my face, down my body, and back to my eyes. “You look amazing.”

Well if that’s the way he wants to play it.

“You really think so?” He gave a small nod. “Well…” I let my eyes wander down his chest, every line and shadow, until I came to his Deathbat. I reached a finger down to trace the marks, and finally came back to meet his gaze. “Fine. I’ll wear more clothes like this,” I whispered,” if you wear more clothes like this.” Smirk.

“Wow, you really like that Deathbat, don’t you?” he laughed. He folded his hands behind his head for a moment, smirking, when he finally threw a look my way and rolled over onto me., his hands on either side of my head. “You drive a hard bargain, Miss.” I didn’t say anything. Just smirked back up at him, slid my hands around his neck and brought him close.