Crash

Once Frank had left my bedroom, I quickly scampered over to my closet, and pulled out my classic Batman lunch box from the top shelf. Smiling, I reached in and grabbed what lay inside for what seems like years, stuck them in my hoodie pocket, and headed for my bedroom window.

I shakily stepped foot on to the roof top of my house, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Mikey had not caught wind of my plan and followed me out here. Sighing, I sat down on the shingles and sighed, shakily reaching into my hoodie pocket for my cigarettes. It was a nasty habit that I’d thrown away when my mother and I moved to town, away from Mikey, away from all of the bad things. Now that the bad things had somehow followed me to the place that I could finally consider a home, I had no choice but to start up again.

I stuck the cigarette between my lips and lit it up, soon inhaling the cancerous venom within my lungs. Oh, have I missed the way you taste, I thought to myself, smiling as I laid my head blissfully against the wall of the house.

I glanced in the direction of Frank’s house, which only made my smile grow bigger. He was sitting on the steps that lead up to his front porch, and it appeared that he was smoking a cigarette of his own.

Smiling dreamily at him, I blinked back to the previous night, before the… incident with Mikey happened. That moment with Frank was absolute heaven. I’d dreamed of feeling his lips upon mine, of having those skillful hands of his travel down my body. I dreamed of what it would be like to touch him, to hold him… to make love to him, whenever the time was right.

As a brisk gust of wind fluttered against my skin, I was suddenly forced to look away from the piece of perfection that has held my heart in his hands from the minute I first saw his pretty face.

It seems like a lifetime ago…

“Who the fuck am I kidding?” I spoke out loud, flicking some ashes off the end of my cigarette. “You are a fucking fool for thinking you could ever find happiness with anyone, let alone with someone as perfect as Frank. You will be the reason that he falls, and when that happens, you won’t be around to catch him.”

I leaned my head against the wall again, and sighed. No matter how good things begin to look, there’s always something - or someone - preventing me from being happy.

As I reached in my pocket for my cigarettes once again, I felt the familiar buzzing of my cell phone vibrating from within. I retrieved the device, and flipped it open to reveal a text message. I almost didn’t want to look at it; there was a very strong possibility that it was from my brother, wondering where I was so that he could lure me out of hiding. But then again, it could also be from Frank. That thought alone made me smile, and I went ahead and pressed the button so I could open the message.

“You are just the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I hope you’re thinking about me while you’re sitting on that rooftop, because last night is all I can think about. I’ll see you tonight, hun.”

Sure enough, the message was from Frank. The butterflies were back.

---

The only good thing that comes from receiving the type of punishment that I received from Mikey last night, is that he usually waits a day or two before trying anything on me again. He usually leaves me alone, if I’m on my “best behavior”, of course. With that in mind, I spent the entire rest of the afternoon soaking up what little solace that my bedroom would allow, reading Fight Club, waiting for the moment where Mikey would finally tire himself out so that I could sneak off to go meet Frank.

I knew that if I had taken off with Mikey still lurking around my battered bedroom door, he would undoubtedly follow me, and I’d never have my time alone with Frank.

There was no way in hell that I was skipping my date with Frank tonight. With that in mind, I was also well aware of the fact that if I took off with Mikey knowing or finding out later what I had done, I was sure that I would have to pay for it later, regardless of the way he treated me last night... and this morning, for that matter. I however, couldn’t care less, because this time around, the games that Mikey is playing with me are different.

I have Frank now, whereas before, I had absolutely nobody to turn to whenever my sadistic little brother decided to have his way with me. The fact that I had foolishly mistaken him for Frank during one of my random episodes solidified that fact, and because of it, Mikey has done more than enough damage to my body than anytime before. So it really doesn’t matter what Mikey does to me now, as long as I had my time with Frank, I would be happy.

About an hour later, I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was about time for me to go to mine and Frank’s secret place. I waited for Mikey to pass by my door one more time, and once he had passed, I yawned out rather loudly. I waited a few more minutes, before settling myself under the covers. With my book still in hand, I shut my eyes, and pretended that I was drifting off into a very peaceful slumber.

It seemed like forever, but eventually, I heard the water turn on in the bathroom next door to my room. It had to be Mikey, considering I’m the only one that ever uses the shower in that bathroom; my mother has her own bathroom in her bedroom. I instantly sprang up, and gathered up my little bottle of pills from my nightstand, as well as my cell phone, and flew down the stairs and out in to the warm summer air.

The second I got outside, I hurriedly dialed Frank’s number so that he would know that I was on my way to go meet him. After just one ring, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind, and smiled.

“Hi Frankie,” I whispered, shutting my eyes as he planted a kiss on my cheek. “I was just calling you.”

“Mmm,” he murmured softly, nuzzling his face in the side of my neck. “I’m so glad that you decided to come hang out with me tonight, Gee,” he spoke in a sweet voice, placing a soft kiss upon my skin. As wonderful as being in Frank’s arms like this felt, I knew we were acting on borrowed time and needed to flee from the front of my house before we were quickly exposed.

I wrapped my arm around his waist, and began to drag him alongside me toward our destination. “I wouldn’t miss spending time with you for anything, Frank,” I said, finally responding to what he had said a few moments earlier. “Nobody is going to keep me from seeing you.”

Especially not my little brother…

I ignored the curious look on Frank’s face that told me that I clearly said a bit too much just now, and instead picked up the pace with every step that I took, as we traced the path we used to take every day to and from school.

We made it there in what seems like record time, perhaps because for the first time, we both actually wanted to be here. We continued our silent walk toward the back of the school, out to the football field, which is the place where he and I would always meet up so Frank could have a cigarette or two between classes, or during lunch, or sometimes even during class. We were headed to the place that Frank and I had dubbed this as our own special place, which very well made it my favorite place in the world.

I followed Frank up to the top of the bleachers, grinning as I noticed that he was still holding loosely on to my fingers. I squeezed back, and ignored the ache in every single one of my bones as we continued toward our special spot.

Sighing in relief that the seemingly long journey was over, I took a seat next to Frank, and instantly cuddled up right next to him. He placed an arm over my shoulder, and after a few minutes of simply enjoying each other’s company, he finally broke the comfortable silence that had formed between us.

“It seems like old times, doesn’t it, Gee?”

I peered up just in time to see Frank grinning quite shyly at me. “Not exactly,” I began, noticing how Frank’s eyebrows momentarily furrowed together in confusion.

I smiled, and wrapped one arm around his waist, pulling him as close to me as the bleachers would allow. Frank held perfectly still, eyeing me with a wondrous look in his eyes. I brushed a lock of his hair back from in front of his face, and placed my lips as gently as I possibly could to his, instantly making Frank moan out in surprise.

Before the kiss could get too heated, I pulled away, and rested my forehead against his temple, gently kissing his skin. “It’s much better than old times, Frankie,” I told him, wincing a bit as he increased the pressure of the grip he held on me. He let me go then, eyeing me cautiously. Fuck; he noticed.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Gee?”

I nodded. “I’m here with you, Frank,” I replied, kissing his lips once again. “I’m much better than okay.”

His eyes fluttered shut at my response, as he leaned in to attack my lips with another gentle, yet hungry kiss.

“You’re right,” Frank murmured softly against my lips. “This is way better than old times. I’ve pictured this in my head, Gerard; I’ve dreamt of this exact moment so many nights that I’ve lost count.”

“Me too,” I whispered, snuggling even deeper into Frank’s embrace. “You are all I have ever wanted, Frankie. You’re the only thing that has made me better. You…”

Frank gently lifted my chin up with his fingers then, making me meet his curious gaze. “I what, Gerard?”

I blushed; I almost didn’t catch myself in time before I once again said too much. “You are beautiful, and amazing, Frank. I still can’t believe that it’s me that you’re here with,” I murmured, looking away.

“I wouldn’t be here with anyone else, Gee,” Frank said with a smile, making me look at him so that he could lock our lips together once more. “You’re the only one I want to be with…”

I pulled away then, glancing at him through wide eyes. “Really?”

Frank nodded, smiling crookedly at me. “In the entire time that you’ve known me, have I ever been in a relationship? Have you ever even seen me kiss anyone else?”

I shook my head.

“Well, there’s a reason for that, Gee,” Frank reasoned, obviously making me fish around for his response.

“And that reason is?” I asked with a smile, more than happy to oblige him.

“Gerard,” Frank began, making me melt as he gently cupped my face with his hands. “Since I’ve met you, you are the only one that I’ve wanted to call my own. I can’t even begin to tell you how gorgeous you are. Your eyes, your face, your smile... I want to be the reason that you smile, Gee. And these lips of yours…”

Frank’s words trailed off, but left his lips to do the rest of the talking. He placed them upon my own, taking my breath away as we shared yet another amazing kiss.

“These are the only lips that I want to kiss,” Frank continued, tracing his fingers over the path that he had just kissed. “I have waited so long for you, Gerard. Please don’t make me wait anymore…”

As Frankie nuzzled his forehead into my cheek, a content sigh found its way through my lips. “I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that,” I whispered, stroking Frank’s soft hair with my fingers. He peered up at me through dreamy eyes, flashing me that gorgeous, lopsided grin before our lips met once again.

As he pulled away, Frank traced his fingers delicately across my cheek bone, causing my eyes to drift shut. I have never been so relaxed, or felt so safe before in my life.

All I have wanted in these past two years was to have him kiss me like he has all evening; to have Frank hold me in his arms and protect me from everyone and everything in this world that is harmful.

But, a little voice in the back of my head was telling me that if I agreed to be Frank’s boyfriend, our relationship wouldn’t be as pretty as we both hope it would turn out to be. It could possibly open up a whole new world of hurt for not just myself, but for Frank. I couldn’t stand it if I was the reason any sort of harm was caused to him, especially if I was the cause of it. Even if we escaped, Mikey would never let us be happy; considering how easily he’s managed to track me down this time around, I now believe that he is truly capable of anything in order to have me back in his grasp.

My entire body tingled then, as Frank brushed his lips once again to mine, making me forget about Mikey, about anyone and everything other than him.

“So, will you be mine, Gerard?”

My eyes fluttered open to reveal my best friend, my angel - my savior. He was my crush, my fantasy, my dream come true. Frank is the epitome of perfection, and now, he’s asking me to be his. Ignoring everything that stood in my way of happiness with Frank, I did the only thing that I could think of that could give Frank the best response to his question.

“Oh Frank,” I sighed, my mind ready to explode from weighing the pros and cons of my next few actions. “I have loved you for so long, and I’m pretty sure that I always will,” I admitted softly, leaning my forehead against his. Before Frank could open his mouth to speak, I quickly placed one final kiss upon his lips, savoring the feeling of pure happiness before I completely shattered any form of hope for Frank and I to be together.

“Which is why I can’t be with you.”

With a heavy heart, I untangled myself from the safety of Frank’s arms, and turned to walk away.