The First Cut is the Deepest

For the past four years, I have been hospitalized over twelve times and it was all by one thing. I had a dirty little secret and that was cutting. I tended to cut too deep sometimes that it causes me to pass out. And in the end result, I lose a lot of blood. That was why I was so tiny and a bit on the skinny side. You're maybe wondering why in the world do I cut myself if I knew what was going to happen to me in the end. Well, the answer was pretty simple. It took away some of my pain. I used cutting as an escape. I never wanted to necessarily end my life, I just wanted to relieve some of the pain in it. There was a time though when I did, in fact, want to end my life. And it was all for a boy. I know, it was stupid. At the time though, I could care less if it was stupid or not. I just wanted everything to end and cutting seemed like a way out.

You're also maybe wondering who this guy was that I wanted to end my life for. His name was William Harper. He was perfect. He had a cute smile, adorable laugh, incredible body, gorgeous face, and overall completely amazing. And to wrap it all up, he was English with of course, an accent. The thing is though, when he found out who I was, he absolutely hated me. I didn't even get a chance for him to get to know me before he said he hated me. I didn't see how he could possibly to come to that conclusion so fast, but that was William Harper for you. Okay, maybe he wasn't so perfect and was instead an ass. Unless you really got to know him. And here's my story of how I got to know and love William Harper, the one I was willing to end my life for.


"Nicole! Get out of that damn bathroom right now!" my mom yelled at me through the other side of the door.

"Okay, just a minute!" I called. I bandaged up my newest bloody cut and pulled down my sleeve some more. I unlocked the bathroom door and was greeted by my flustered mother. "Yes, mom?" I asked her in my good girl voice.

"What takes you so long?!" she asked loudly.

"You know how long I take to fix my make-up. Duh!" I lied to her.

"Well, we have to hurry or you're going to be late for your flight," she explained.

For my junior year, my mom was sending me to a boarding school. In England! I was pretty excited to say the least. I'll be fairly honest, I was a sucker for accents, especially English accents. So you could guess my enthusiasm at finding out I was going to a boarding school in England where accents were pretty much everywhere.

I got my last bag from my room before leaving my house. I took a good look at my house, saying a quick goodbye in my head. I wouldn't be here for awhile. Of course I would visit, but it was weird leaving the house I grew up in. I turned away and put my last bag in the car before entering myself. My mom was already in the driver seat with the car started and my six year old little brother buckled in the back seat. Once I had my seat belt on, my mom drove off to the airport.


My mom and Eric - my little brother - helped me get my luggage out of the car when we arrived at the airport. My mom went to the person who you get the tickets from, picked up my ticket, and gave my luggage to them. They couldn't come with me to the where the plane was, so I had to say goodbye now.

"Eric, now be a good boy for mommy, okay?" He nodded as he looked up at me. "And what's your goal for this year?"

"To read fifteen books," he said with a toothy grin.

"Good," I said. I had expectations for this little guy and I was going to increase the number each year until he turned eighteen.

"And you?" he questioned me. I smiled at him.

"Fifty books, yes, I'll remember," I said with a small laugh.

"Good," he said.

I patted his head and ruffled his hair before bending down and giving him a hug and telling him I loved him. Then I turned to face my mom before I hugged her and told her I loved her as well.

"I love you, mom. Hope you can take care of Eric all by yourself. I'll visit on breaks," I said.

"You better," my mom said teared up.

"Okay. I got to go now. I'll see you soon! I love you guys!" I said as I left, heading for my plane.


As I boarded my plane, I found out that my mom splurged a little and got me a First Class ticket. I smiled to myself as a stewardess led me to First Class. As I followed her to my seat, I thought about why she bought me a First Class ticket. You see, my father died early when Eric was three and when I was twelve. And while I knew he was wealthy when he was alive and had a job at his father’s company, I didn't know that he was originally supposed to inherit his father's company. When he married my mom though, he was cut off from his dad's money and company. In his will, we found out when his father died, he inherited all his money minus the company. And when my father had passed, all that money was ours. Then my mom got a job over at this big time company called Gemstone Digital which paid a hefty amount for her paycheck. We decided to not use our money for extravagances and instead just save it up. I assumed though my mom thought this was a special occasion so she used some of it.

I stared out the window as I waited for takeoff. After everyone was finally boarded and everything was set, we were told to buckle our seat belts and all the other precautions before takeoff. We were finally up in the air and I couldn't help but look out window at the place I was leaving.

"Goodbye, California..." I muttered to myself quietly.

I sat in my seat and got comfortable. After awhile of being in the air, a stewardess came by asking if there was anything I wanted to drink. I told her an orange juice would be fine. It was almost time to take my iron supplement pills. Since I've lost so much blood over the years, I've come to have iron-deficiency anemia and I had to take iron supplement pills to replace the iron that I've been losing. And taking vitamin C was recommended to take with my pills.

When the stewardess came back with my drink, I took out my pills to take them. As I popped the pills into my mouth and downed it with my orange juice, I watched as the same stewardess asked a guy to the right of me what he wanted to drink. As soon as she was out of my line of vision and the guy was now in view, I nearly hacked up the pills and choked on my orange juice. Lucky for me, I managed to keep it all down and not embarrass myself. Because damn though, this guy was attractive. Like, he was incredibly attractive that I couldn't help but stare at him. He was so attractive that I would simply say he was hot. And when he said what he wanted to drink to the stewardess, well, damn. The accent just got me hooked.

I tried not to stare at him, but I honestly couldn't help myself. He had dark rich brown hair and hazel eyes and he just looked so damn perfect that I couldn't but look at him. A few times though, we accidentally locked eyes. The first time it happened, he sent a small smile my way and I almost swooned. Since we kept locking eyes every so often though - mainly because I was staring at him a lot - I could tell he was getting uncomfortable, because he didn't want to look at me anymore. Okay, that was completely understandable though. I was acting like a complete creeper. So it took everything in me to finally stop looking at him. It was a long flight and I didn't want to look at him the whole time.

So when we arrived in England about eleven hours later, I was pretty sure that he felt awkward enough that he wanted to leave the plane immediately.

Oops... At least I could spare myself the embarrassment of not having to see this guy anymore.

I gathered up my things and left the plane. I claimed my luggage before making my way outside.

"And hello, England..." I said to myself as I looked around. As I tried to hail a cab, I noted the cold weather.

It's a bit colder than I'm used to, but that's okay. I'll eventually get used to it once I settle in.

I thought to myself as I wrapped my jacket around me tighter. I mentally thanked my mom for reminding to wear and bring warmer clothes. I finally managed to hail a cab and the cab driver helped me with my luggage before we both got into the car.

"Where to?" the cab driver asked, his accent thick. I pulled out some papers I had in my bag about the location of the school.

"Can you take me... here?" I asked, finding the address and pointing to it to show him. He took a quick glance at it before placing his hands on the steering wheel.

"No problem, ma'am. Kingston Academy, aye?" he asked. I nodded, but I wasn't sure if he could see me through the rear view mirror, so I spoke up instead.

"Yes, that's the place," I replied politely. He nodded and started driving.

"First time in England?" he asked, trying to make small talk.

"Yes, it is."

"You look pretty young. How old are you?"

"I'm sixteen," I replied.

"I'm assuming you're entering your lower sixth?" he questioned.

"Yes, I am," I said. I still had to get used to using the term lower sixth or year twelve instead of junior in high school. After about thirty minutes or so, we arrived at my destination.

"Well, here's your stop. Good luck."

"Thank you," I said as I paid him. Luckily, my mom had taken me with her to convert my money before I arrived here. The cab driver helped me grab my luggage out of the cab before he left. I watched as he drove away before turning around to face the school. My jaw dropped at the size of it. It was like a castle. I looked at the big black gates in awe. I slowly pushed the gates open. I walked into the school and looked around for the office, luggage in hand. I finally found the office, almost half an hour later. "Excuse me? Is there anyone here?" I called out.

"Yes?" someone said as they popped out of nowhere. I assumed she was the secretary.

"Hi, my name is Nicole Greene and I'm starting my lower sixth," I explained.

"Nicole Greene, Greene..." she said as she looked through a metal filing cabinet. "Ah! Found it!" she said as she pulled out my file. "Here's your information about your classes as well as rules and regulations. There's also a small map of the school in here as well as everything else you need to get started," she said as she tapped the top of the manila folder. She opened the folder and skimmed through some of the pages. "You will be in dorm building B in room 53B, with a..." she paused as she looked over the paper. "William Harper," she finally said as she closed the folder and slid it across the counter to me. I stared at her in slight shock.

"Excuse me, I knew this was a co-ed school, but I thought there were girl and boy dorms?" I asked.

"No, it's based on the last names. It doesn't matter what gender they are," she explained.

"Oh..." I said in a small voice. I was not expecting this.

"Here's your key card," she said as she handed me a white key card. "And if you could just sign this to be sure that you stopped by to pick up your information and schedule," I signed where she pointed to on a paper attached to a metal clipboard. "And you're all set. Hope you have a great year here and welcome to Kingston Academy!" she said with a big smile. I smiled back at her as I said my thanks.

"Thank you," I said as I picked up the manila folder, grabbed my luggage and made my way for the dorms.

As I made my way there, I realized I forgot to catch the secretary's name. I shrugged it off as I pulled out the map in the folder to find the dorm buildings. I finally found dorm building B and entered the lobby. I walked to the elevator to the right of me and I pressed the up button. I checked the paper and it said that my room was on the fifth floor in the third room on the left side. I pressed the fifth button and the elevator brought me to the fifth floor. I got out, my luggage trailing behind me, and went to find my room. I got a bit confused at first because of the A and B and almost tried to get into 53A instead of 53B. I finally got to my room though.

I got out the key card and slid it through. The red light turned green and it unlocked with a small click. I opened the door and finally saw my room. It was huge! It was almost three times the size of my room back at home. There was a kitchen to the left of me and to the right of me there was a living room set, complete with furniture, a TV and a DVD player, and two single beds straight ahead of me.

Man, I already love this place!

I thought as I entered the room and closed the door behind me. The room was painted white and the bed sheet covers were a light blue. Each bed came with its own wardrobe, bedside table, along with a small lamp. There was a window over both bed posts with light blue curtains to match the bed covers.

I chose to take the bed on the left, closer to the kitchen. As I set my luggage on the floor, I noticed a door on other side of the bed near the other wardrobe. I assumed that the door lead to the bathroom. I decided to explore the bathroom and kitchen later after I had unpacked all of my things.

I removed my jacket and laid it on my bed before I started to unpack. I started with my biggest suitcase, before getting to all my smaller things. I put all the clothes that needed to be hanged on hangers in the wardrobe and I put just about everything else in the drawers after I folded them. I got to my other bag which had all my shoes and put half of my shoes in the wardrobe on the floor with the other half under my bed.

"There!" I said to myself when I finished putting away all my clothes. I still had my bathroom essentials to do, but I decided to take a small break before doing that. I tossed my iron supplements into the bedside drawer before I sat cross legged on my bed, facing my wardrobe. I grabbed a lollipop from my bag and put it in mouth. As I was putting my hair up into a ponytail, I heard the door click. I turned towards the door and I locked eyes with the hot guy from the plane!

No fucking way...

I thought as my jaw fell open and the lollipop fell onto my lap.