The First Cut is the Deepest

I watched as the yankee made a quick dash into our room. Chris said I had two options. So I chose the second option. I told her that I didn't like her. And as much as I felt that it needed to be done, I knew that I would regret it. I couldn't possibly go with the first option though. I couldn't bring myself to do it. And even though I couldn't go through with the first option, it was far truer than the second one. I did, in fact, start to have feelings for the yankee. I wasn't going to let her know that though. It was better for both of us if we just tried to put this past us. Like what Chris said, I didn't deserve her feelings, especially if she loved me. I would only cause her pain.

I thought that maybe the harsher I rejected her, the quicker that she would get over me. And I really hoped that it would work. As I thought back to it though, I realized I might have been too harsh. Chris really was right. She didn't deserve what I said or did to her. She deserved much better than that. What did I do though? I treated her like shit and stomped all over her heart.

As I stood in the lift though, I couldn't help but get angry at myself. I was a terrible boyfriend to Ann and I was a terrible person to the yankee. I was absolute rubbish. I also couldn't help but get angry at the yankee. If she didn't become my roommate, if she didn't start to fancy me, if she didn't fall in love with me, this would have never happened. And if she didn't make me have feelings for her, this definitely would have never happened. None of this would have happened.

I pressed the lift button for Ann's floor. She texted me earlier saying she wanted to talk. I was going to stop by my room first, but after what happened with the yankee right now, I couldn't face her and I definitely couldn't go into the room. I made it to Ann's floor and walked down the hall to her room. I knocked loudly before she opened the door.

And as soon as I saw Ann's face, I knew that I made the wrong decision. I didn't get that warm feeling when I saw Ann's face. I didn't get those butterflies in my stomach when she spoke and said my name. And I definitely didn't get that tingly feeling on my skin where she touched me. And as I thought back to it, I started to wonder if I ever got those before in the first place. Because all I could think of right now was the yankee. The yankee gave me a warm feeling inside when I saw her. I got those butterflies in my stomach when she spoke and said my name. And I definitely got that tingly feeling on my skin where she touched me.

And then at that moment, I knew that I should have picked the first option. There was no turning back now though. I chose the second option, not the first one. And I was going to have to live with that decision.

"Will?" Ann asked, snapping me out of my gaze.

"Huh?" I asked. I took a quick glance around the room and I realized that I was sitting on her couch.

"Will," she said again. "We need to talk," she said. I nodded slowly. Even though I was sitting right next to my own girlfriend, the only thing running through my head was the yankee. "I don't know how to go about this," she started.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked.

"I think... I think we should end this," she finally said as she used her hands to gesture between us. My jaw dropped at what she said.

"What? Are you breaking up with me?" I asked in shock.

"No, I'm not breaking up with you. We're mutually going to break up, okay?"

"What?" I asked again as I stood up. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, my voice getting louder.

"Will, I saw what was happening with us and I could also see where this was going. I still love you and I don't want to break up with you, but-"

"Then don't!" I interrupted as I sat back down next to her and grabbed her hands. "Let's not break up then."

"We have to. Because you don't love me how you used to anymore. I see the way you look at Nicole and I know that you love her more than you love me now. It's okay though. I just wish we would have ended it sooner between us. I mean, if I had known ahead of time that we would just end up here, I would have ended it sooner. We should have ended it sooner."

"Ann, don't say that," I started.

"Unless you can look me straight in the eyes and tell me that you honestly love me, then we won't have to break up," she said. I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. As I looked into her dark blue eyes though, my mouth couldn't form those three little words. It was like my body couldn't physically do it. My body wouldn't let me. "See?" she muttered quietly. "You can't do it," I watched a tear fall from her eye and on instinct, I moved to wipe it away. She grabbed my hand though before I could and instead brought it to her lips. She kissed the back of my hand lightly before she returned my hand back to me. "You love Nicole," she said. "And I was told that she loves you back. You can't deny that. You can't lie to me and I won't let you."

"I made a decision," I said suddenly. "I made a decision and I chose you." Ann stared at me in shock before she spoke again.

"Then you chose wrong. You regret your decision, don't you?" she asked. I slowly let go of her hand and nodded. "Go after her," she said quietly.

"What?" I asked.

"Go after her," she repeated.

"You're taking this a lot better than I ever expected," I said. Ann sent me a small smile.

"Looks can be deceiving, Will." I stared at her in surprise, but she quickly brushed it off. "Now, whatever you did, you better fix it. I know you must have fucked something up," Ann said to lighten up the mood. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my mouth.

"You're right. I did fuck something up and now, I have to fix it. Ann," I started. "I'm really sorry. About everything. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," she said. I leaned in close and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before giving her a small hug and leaving her room.

Right as I entered the hallway, Chris was leaving his room.

"Hey, Will," Chris said.

"Hey," I replied a bit hurriedly.

"Have you seen Nicole?" he asked.

"She's in our room. Why?" I asked.

"There's something I think you should know," he said as he closed the door behind him.

"Alright, what is it?" I asked as I leaned against the wall next to Chris' door.

"It's about Nicole," he said. I felt my body tense up.

"What about her?"

"I don't know if I should tell you this, but I think that it's important that you should know."

"Spit it out. What is it?" I snapped. I needed to talk to the yankee right now.

"She," Chris started. "She has a little... problem," he said as he tried to find the right word.

"Problem?" I asked. "Like what?"

"Okay, well, before you go to Nicole and tell her if you like her back or not, you should know that... that she cuts," he finally said. It was like everybody decided to drop a bunch of bombs on me in one day.

"She what?" I asked in shock. I couldn't have heard that right.

"She cuts herself," he clarified.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. She showed me herself. And that's why when I said if you rejected her, you should be gentle about it and ease into it. Anything bad you say or do could throw her over the edge. With everything that's been happening, I think she's at her limit, Will." As soon as those words were said, I realized I really did fuck everything up.

"Chris, I made a huge mistake," I said as I pushed myself off the wall and briskly walked towards the lift.

"What? Why? What happened?" he questioned as he followed me down the hall.

"I already spoke with the yankee earlier."

"And?" he asked anxiously.

"I'm the biggest arsehole in the world and I harshly rejected her even though you told me to be gentle."

"You what?" he asked in shock.

"What's even worse, I told her that I'd be happy if she left and never came back." I pressed on the lift button, but it seemed as if it was taking hours to get here.

"Do you know what this means?" Chris asked as the lift doors finally opened.

"Yeah," I said sharply. I didn't want to say it, but apparently Chris had to.

"This means that Nicole is probably in your room right now, bleeding herself to death!" I cringed at his words.

"I know," I said harshly. I pushed the button for the fifth floor and waited impatiently for the lift to take me to my floor. When it finally did, I was out through those metal doors before they were even fully open. I ran down the hallway to my room, pulling out my key card in the process. I quickly slid my key card through when I got to the door. I flung the door open and found the room empty. My gaze instantly went to the closed loo door. I rushed to the loo and knocked on it hard.

"Nicole!" I called. "Are you in there? Can we talk? I'm sorry! Can you just please open the door?!" I asked frantically as I knocked on the door hard. I paused and didn't hear a single sound from the other end. "Nicole!" I called again before I banged my shoulder against the door a couple of times. On the third try, it burst open.

And there she was on the floor. There was a pool of blood around her wrist. "Nicole!" I exclaimed. I rushed toward her and got down onto my knees. "Nicole, please wake up..." I cooed. I picked her up and laid her against my lap. "Come on, Nicole... You can't leave me now. Come on..." She groaned quietly as her eyelids fluttered open and shut. Her hair covered her most of her pale face. I checked her pulse on her neck and it was faint. I was starting to panic. Chris stood in the doorway and a small gasp escaped his lips. I ignored his gasp as I picked Nicole off the ground and carried her bridal style out of the room. "Chris, grab a towel and apply pressure to her wrist," I ordered him. He quickly grabbed a towel and he followed me as we rushed down the hallway to the lift. He pressed the towel to her wrist as I held her in my arms.

We got to the front office and I was yelling for the nurse, anyone to come help. The school nurse came out to see what was wrong and gasped. She saw me covered in Nicole's blood and saw her limp body in my arms. She rushed forward to check her pulse.

"We need to get her to the hospital," she said as she ran to the nearest phone. She quickly dialed the number.

After what seemed like hours, but only minutes, the ambulance arrived. They took her out of my arms and put her on a stretcher. I watched as they tried to stop the bleeding. They covered her wrist in gauze and every few seconds, the gauze would fill with blood and they would have to change it again. Before they closed the doors to the ambulance, I stopped them.

"Wait! I need to go with her."

"Who are you to her?"

I didn't know what to say, so I just said what I wanted to be to her. "I'm... her boyfriend. Let me go with her. She needs me," I pleaded. He looked at me for a second before he replied.

"Alright. Hurry up and get in."

I rushed in and sat down on her right side, the side of the wrist where she wasn't bleeding. I held her hand in my mine. She was cold and her lips were slightly purple. I kissed her hand softly.

"Please, Nicole... Make it. Don't give up..." I muttered as I kissed her hand once more. I thought back to when I just found her. The sight of her blood everywhere made me gag. Her blood was probably in the hallways and lift right now. I smiled sadly. I wondered what everyone's reaction to this would be. I was pulled out of my thoughts when the door opened. They brought her inside, bringing her into a different room. They told me I had to wait outside. I paced the hallway while I muttered to myself. "Come on, Nicole... Please don't leave me... You can make it... Come on... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

So many memories of her flashed through my mind. I thought of the first time we met. I thought of when she told me she liked me. I thought about when we kissed. And then recalled the time in the lift not too long ago when she told me that she loved me. And at that moment, I finally realized that I didn't merely have feelings for her. I actually loved her. I loved Nicole Greene. After all the fights we had and the way we acted towards each other, they all just led to this moment. And in a matter of minutes, I was going to lose her over some petty words I didn't even mean. She would never be mine anymore. I couldn't believe I said all those horrible things to her. Now that I thought of it, if she told me that she loved me right now, I would have jumped for joy. All I could think of now was her.

I sat down on one of the chairs in the waiting room, resting my forearms on my thighs. I hung my head low in my hands. This couldn't be happening. Just when I realized that not only did I have feelings for her, but actually loved her, fate was going to take her away from me. I wouldn't let that happen. There had to be something I could do. At that moment, I heard my name being called.

"Will! How is she?" Chris asked with Ann, Sara, James, and Erin trailing behind him. I stood up from my seat.

"I don't know..." I muttered as I looked around. I bet I looked like a mess right now with Nicole's blood all over me. "The doctors haven't come out yet."

They all took seats with me and silence took over everyone. No one spoke. It seemed like everyone didn't know what to say. Or if they did know what to say, they didn't say it. After several minutes of silence, a nurse came out. She walked towards us, looking clearly stressed.

"Are all of you here for a young girl who came in recently? The one with the slit wrist?" I cringed at what she said. I nodded as I stood up. "Could we have her name? We need someone to fill out her information," the nurse said. Erin spoke up as she stood.

"I'll do it," she said.

"Would you please come with me?" Erin nodded and followed the nurse.

"Wait, may I come with?" I asked. The nurse glanced at me then at Erin.

"Sure," she said.

The nurse led us to the front desk. Erin got on her mobile and rang Nicole's mother, asking her for Nicole's information. Erin had to explain what happened to her. She hung up and said that a hospital in California was going to fax over Nicole's medical records. We waited for the papers to come in. They finally came and the nurse scanned her eyes over the papers. After reading it over, she quickly left and we stood there waiting. Erin had finished with filling out some information and walked back to the group. The nurse came back a few minutes later with a doctor.

"The young girl-" the doctor started.

"Nicole," I cut in.

"Yes, Nicole. It appears that she has a rare blood type. She's blood type A- and can only receive blood from her own blood type and O-. And at this moment, we're a little low on both types. If we can find someone who has these types soon, then we can do a blood transfusion," the doctor said.

"And if we don't?" I asked, but I was scared to know the answer. "So she needs blood type A- or O-?" I quickly asked. He nodded at me. I rolled up my blood-soaked sleeve and held out my arm. "I'm type O-. Take as much as you need," I replied confidently.

"Are you sure?" he asked me.

"Yes. So I can give my blood to her?" He nodded.

"Alright, come with me," he said as he walked down the hall with the nurse. I nodded absentmindedly and followed him.





I borrowed Will's car and Annabella, James, Sara, and I made our way to the hospital. We picked up Erin on the way there and I explained to her in the car what had happened. I noticed she was obviously concerned, but she also seemed angry. I didn't question it though and the car ride was silent. When we finally got to the hospital, Will was a wreck. He was covered in Nicole's blood, but he didn't seem to care. And when I asked him if Nicole was okay, he was so distraught as he replied.

We were all quiet as we sat in the waiting room with Will. I glanced around at everyone. I sat down next to Will with Annabella on the other side of him. James and Sara sat across from us, holding hands. A look of concern was plastered on both of their faces. Erin was a few seats away from us and she wrapped her arms around herself. Just like in the car, she looked concerned but still a little angry at the same time. I glanced over at Will and there weren't words to do it justice to describe what he looked like. If I had to pick words though, he looked guilty to say the least. He looked guilty and worried.

I watched as Annabella reached over and tried to grab Will's hand, but the doctor came by before she could. She quickly took back her hand as Will stood up. I watched her curiously as Will and Erin left with the doctor. I slid over the seat that Will previously occupied at and held onto Annabella's hand.

"What happened?" I asked quietly. I could tell something was wrong.

"It's nothing," she said with a sniffle. I tightened my jaw before I spoke again.

"Just tell me what happened," I pressed. She paused before she looked up at me.

"Will and I broke up," she said quietly. I stared at her in shock.

"What?" I asked. "When?"

"Before this whole thing happened." That explained the weird tension between her and Will.

"Why'd you break up?" I asked.

"Oh, come off it, Chris," she said. "You know why." She was right. I did know why. It was because of Nicole. I nodded as I wrapped my arm over her shoulders. She leaned against me as a few tears escaped her eyes. Erin came back a few minutes later, but Will wasn't with her.

"Where's Will?" I asked and she shrugged.

"Hell if I know," she said harshly. I looked at her in confusion. I wasn't expecting that type of attitude from her. About forty-five minutes passed before Will came back. And when he did, Erin flipped out on him. As soon as she saw him, she caught him off guard and pushed him against the wall. "This is your fault!" she yelled at him suddenly. "She wouldn't have done this if it wasn't for you!" she said as she pushed him again. I jumped up from my seat and held her back.

"Calm down," I ordered her.

"No, I will not calm down! Nicole is here because of you!" she spat and I tried to hold down her flailing arms.

"You think I don't know that?" Will bit back. "I'm just as worried about her as you are."

"Bullshit," Erin called out on him. "You don't give a shit about her. You never have and you never will."

"Now, that's bullshit," Will said harshly. "Who the fuck do you think found her like that and brought here? Who the fuck do you think gave the blood for her blood transfusion?" he said as he threw his left arm up. Only then did we all notice the white bandage wrapped around his elbow. "I feel guilty as it is already. I don't need you to fucking remind me." Erin scoffed as she brushed my arms away from her. She threw her hands up in the air as she walked away. I sighed as I glanced back at Will. He was breathing heavy as he sat down and continued to beat himself up about this whole thing.





I didn't know how much time passed, but the doctor finally came back out and told us that Nicole was stable and was now getting settled into a room. I had asked the nurse earlier when I was getting my blood drawn if she could have her own private room. I said it didn't matter the cost and they said they would try to arrange something.

"Can we see her now?" I asked anxiously.

"She needs her rest," he said.

"Please," I practically begged. He sighed before he nodded.

"Alright, but she's not awake right now. And only one or two people at a time," he said as we all followed him to Nicole's room.

Erin and I were the first ones to see her, while everyone else waited outside the door. As soon as I saw her, I felt my chest tighten up. She was hooked up to a heart monitor and she had an IV in her arm while her wrist was in bandages. I took slow tentative steps towards her and as I got closer did I notice that she was a lot paler than usual. I sat down in the chair next to the bed on the right of her while Erin stood near the foot of the bed. I leaned forward and held onto her hand. It was cold to the touch. After a few moments of silence, Erin spoke up.

"I'm sorry," she said. "About earlier," she clarified. I shook my head.

"It's alright. I understand where you're coming from. I would have done the same thing," I said.

"Do you even like her?" Erin asked cautiously. I looked up at her and replied without hesitation.

"I love her," I replied. She seemed a little taken back from that. Hell, I was surprised myself. She nodded before she took out her mobile.

"I need to call her mom again," she said as she left the room. Not a minute later, Chris entered the room. He took one look at her and covered his mouth.

"Bloody hell..." he muttered as he paced the room. I continued to hold Nicole's hand, squeezing it tightly. "When do think she's going to wake up?" he asked. I shrugged in response. After another minute or two, he left the room and gave everyone else a chance to see her. After they got their chance to see her, Chris came back into the room. "Time to go, Will," he said.

"I'm not going," I said quietly as I looked at Nicole's sleeping face.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm not going," I repeated. "I'm staying here. I'm not leaving her side," I said as I looked up at him. He saw the look on my face and didn't bother to push it.

"Alright, well, we're all going to head back now. We'll be back tomorrow." I nodded at him and he left the room. At the moment, I didn't care if I missed school. School didn't matter to me right now if Nicole was in the hospital.

So I spent the night in that chair next to her.



When I awoke the next day, I found an older looking woman who looked a lot like Nicole sitting on the foot of her bed. She must have noticed I was awake, because she turned towards me and brought a finger to her lips to shush me. She gestured her head towards the door and I nodded back in response. I hesitantly let go of Nicole's hand and followed the woman outside. When the door was shut behind us, she spoke up.

"I'm Nicole's mother, Natalie Greene. I flew in as soon as possible." She held out her hand for me to shake and I shook her hand. "You must be Will. She's told me such... colorful things about you," she said as she tried to pick the right words.

"Oh, colorful, now? That's just a polite way of saying I'm an arse, right?" I asked. She let out a small laugh.

"I guess so."

"Well, I am an arse. I'm the reason why she's in there," I said darkly. She reached up and patted me on the shoulder.

"It's not your fault," she assured me.

"Please, don't pity me. I know it's my fault." We didn't say anything else after that so we both went back into the room and waited for Nicole to wake up.