The First Cut is the Deepest

When I woke up the next day to hear my cell phone ringing, I was surprised to be honest. Who in the hell would be calling me? I checked the caller ID and with my groggy eyes, I couldn't have read that right. I rubbed at my eyes and checked the name again. My mouth pulled down into a frown when I realized I read the name right the first time around.

I ignored the call and tossed it to the foot of my bed. I really didn't want to talk to that asshole. It was silent for a moment before my phone rang again. I sighed in frustration. I picked up my phone and without looking, threw it across the room. I heard a groan and then the rustling of bed sheets. Oops...

"What the fuck?!" I heard Will say angrily.

"My bad..." I mumbled under my bed covers. I didn't hear a reply back, but instead felt my phone being thrown back to me.

"I don't want that," Will spat.

"Shut up... I'm trying to sleep..."

"So was I, but you threw your crappy mobile at me," he complained. I couldn't help but quietly giggle at the word mobile.

"Whatever. Go cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it..." I muttered to him, trying not to laugh.

"Excuse me?!" he yelled as I heard the rustling of sheets.

"You heard me," I replied, snuggling into my bed. Before I could hear him reply, my phone rang again. I groaned and finally got up. I picked up my phone that fell onto the ground and checked the caller ID once more. I narrowed my eyes at it and answered it. "Stop fucking calling me!" I yelled into the phone. Will looked startled by my outburst.

"But-" I heard the voice on the other end start.

"What the fuck do you want if you keep on calling me?!" I asked loudly. I was getting annoyed by his calls and texts.

"I need to talk to you," he said. I sighed to myself.

"About what?" I asked exasperatedly, rubbing my temples with my other hand. From my peripheral vision, I could see Will looking at me funny.

"About us," he replied simply. I shut my eyes as I took a deep breath. I reopened them before I got out of my bed and walked away into the kitchen for some privacy.

"There is no 'us', Jason," I replied in a quieter voice as I leaned against the counter.

"Come on... Don't be like that," Jason replied and I could tell he was trying his "charm" on me.

"What? How dare you say that?!" I asked as my voice rose. I took a deep breath before I replied. "I can be like this if I want to. Hell, I have a right to be like this. You lied to me the whole time," I finished.

"I'm sorry, Ni-" he started, but just hearing his voice made my chest ache with pain and made anger run through my veins at the same time.

"No," I interrupted. "No, you're not. You were playing me the whole time."

"But then I came to like you..." he said in a quiet voice.

"Bullshit," I retorted. "I don't believe you. Now, stop calling me and leave me the fuck alone!" I hung up the phone before he could reply. I sighed heavily and pushed myself off the counter. I sat on my bed, tossing my phone onto my bedside table. Will was still in the same spot I had left him. He was sitting on his bed, the covers pulled over his bottom half. He just stared at me. "What?" I asked him rudely as I ruffled my hair.

"Are... are you okay?" he asked hesitantly. I must have had an irritated look on my face. I thought that I wouldn't get surprised by what Will did anymore, but I was wrong. I was beyond surprised, to be honest. Was Will actually being nice or was this just a trick that my mind was playing on me?

"I-i'm fine," I replied with a slight stutter. It was silent for a second or two before I heard a small groan come from Will.

"Damn. I thought you were mad or something. I wanted to make fun of you for it," he replied. I looked at him in shock.

I knew it was too good to be true. There was the Will I knew and loved. Actually, scratch that. There was the Will I knew and hated. I couldn't possibly love this asshole. I mean, look at him. How could I possibly love or even like someone so obnoxious and gorgeous? Someone so mean and beautiful? I mean, who would? Who would want someone like him? Someone who looks perfect, has the whole English thing down and everything? I mean, seriously, who would?

I quickly wiped all those thoughts from my head. "And there he goes..." I muttered to myself. I got up from my bed and grabbed my towel and clothes. "I'm gonna go take a shower," I said as I made my way towards the bathroom.

"Yeah, whatever..." I heard Will reply as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

When I finished getting ready, I left the bathroom and noticed Will was in the kitchen eating his breakfast. I sat on my bed and put on my socks and shoes. I glanced at my phone before sighing to myself. I grabbed my phone and put it in my bag. I quickly took my iron pills before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. I grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard before putting the box back. After thinking about it for another second or two, I grabbed two more granola bars and put all three of them in my bag. Will was watching me as I did this with this look on his face.

"What?" I asked. He shook his head as he pointed to the fridge. I looked to where he pointed and rolled my eyes when I saw the list. These rules were completely stupid. I mean, we just broke rule number four, being no talking to each other, not too long ago. I didn't bother to go more into it though as I grabbed some breakfast. Like I said, if "following" these rules made Will less cranky, then I might as well go along with it.

While eating my breakfast, Will got up from his seat and started getting ready for school. After a few more minutes, I finished my own breakfast and grabbed my things for school before leaving the room. I did a quick pit stop at my locker, grabbing my first period's book. I turned when I saw someone come up next to me.

"Hey," Chris said, leaning on the locker to the left of me.

"Hey," I replied with a small smile.

"So..." Chris started. "Where do you want to go to on Friday first?" he asked.

"Hmm..." I started as I tapped my chin in thought. "I don't know," I replied honestly.

"Is there any place that you would like to go?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know where to begin. So I'm going to let you decide what we do," I said with a cheeky smile. Chris chuckled before he replied.

"Alright."

"Oh, wait!" I exclaimed suddenly, catching Chris off guard. "I know where I definitely want to go."

"And what's that?" he asked me, clearly curious as to where I would want to go.

"An English pub," I said with a big smile. Chris chuckled at how excited my voice seemed to get when I said that.

"Sure. I can arrange something," he said with a smile.

"Cool," I said with a nod as I shut my locker. Just as I was about to ask how his morning was so far, someone else interrupted me. A girl, maybe the same grade as us or younger, stood in front of Chris, holding out an envelope. I was a little surprised to be honest.

"Here, Chris. I would like it if you read my confession," the girl said, straight to the point.

"Whoa..." I gasped out to myself. The girl took her gaze off Chris and looked at me. "Oh! I'm sorry! It's just... You got guts," I complimented. I watched as the girl's cheeks tinted pink. "I mean, that's very straight-forward of you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm rambling. And I'm ruining the moment. Sorry. Continue with what you were doing," I said as I took a step back.

"It's fine," the girl replied quietly before turning back to face Chris. "So will you read it please?" she asked, her hand still outstretched with the sealed envelope. He glanced down at the letter and then at the girl before he glanced towards me nervously. I made a movement with my hands telling him to accept it. He slowly reached his hand out.

"S-sure..." Chris muttered. He took the letter from the girl's hand and stared at it for a second. "T-thanks, I guess..." he said. "I'm sorry, but what's your name?" he asked her. My mouth dropped at his question.

"You're horrible!" I interrupted.

"What? I'm sorry I don't know her name. This is a big school. I can't remember everyone's name," he defended himself.

"No, it's fine," the girl said. "He's right. It is a big school. My name is Hayley Richardson. I'm in my lower sixth like you, but you've probably never seen me in any of your classes."

"Why's that?" Chris questioned.

"I take advanced placement classes," she said shyly.

"Oh," I said in interest. "That's cool. You must be smart then," I said. "And I'm ruining the moment again. I'm sorry." I took a step back from them again, trying to not listen in on them. My ears just couldn't help themselves though.

"So you'll read it?" Hayley asked in a quiet voice. I practically had to strain myself to hear her.

"I'll read your letter, but I can't promise you anything," Chris said as he threw her an apologetic smile.

"I wasn't expecting much. Just that you read it," she said before turning to leave.

"Right," Chris said as she left.

"She's pretty," I said when she was out of earshot and eyesight.

"Yeah..." Chris agreed. As Chris stared down at the hall that the girl walked down, I took advantage of this chance. I slowly reached for the letter, hoping to catch a peek at what the sweet girl wrote. I was stopped short though when Chris snapped out of his thoughts and slapped my hand away. I rubbed my hand.

"Well damn! I just wanted a peek!" I said.

"Not a chance in hell," he said as he sent a curt smile my way before leaving to his first period class. I stared after him, wondering what exactly Hayley wrote.


By the time I knew it, the school day was already over. After putting my books in my locker, I was about to head off back to my room before I accidentally bumped into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I said to the person who I had run into. "Oh! Hayley! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there," I apologized. We both nearly got knocked to the ground, but her books took the fall for us.

"No, it's quite alright. I should have been watching where I was going as well," Hayley said.

"Sorry again," I said, picking up her books that had fallen on the floor.

"It's okay," she said. I handed her books back to her. "Thank you."

"No problem. It's the least I could do." It was silent for a moment. "Oh!" I said suddenly. "I never properly introduced myself. I'm Nicole," I said as I held out my hand. She shook my hand as she replied.

"I'm Hayley. As you already know," she said as we let out hands drop.

"Are you nervous?" I asked, referring to the letter. She bit her bottom lip.

"To be honest, I am very nervous. Have you seen him? Do you know if he read it yet?" I shrugged.

"Sorry, I don't know if he's read it yet. And I saw him earlier, but I didn't see the letter anywhere in sight, so I don't know," I explained.

"Oh, okay," she said quietly.

"Good luck, though," I said as I sent a small smile her way. Hayley smiled back at me.

"Thank you." I sent her another smile in response.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll see you around then?" I asked. She nodded at me.

"Yeah, sure," she said in a quiet voice. She really was a quiet girl. I gave her another smile and walked away.


When I got to my dorm building, I started to really wonder where the hell the teachers were. I mean, you would think they would be around somewhere when there was clearly PDA being displayed. I nearly gagged at the sight it. Of course I was talking about Will and Annabella again. They seriously needed to keep that covered up from the eyes of humanity. It would have been perfectly fine if it was a cute, simple peck on the lips or something. It seemed though as if they couldn't even handle that because their hands were all over each other. It was as if I was the only person who had a problem with this, because everyone else didn't seem to mind it as if this was the norm for them.

They could at least have gotten out of the doorway of the dorm building. I slipped past them and finally made it into the lobby. I got into the elevator and pressed the button for the fifth floor. As the elevator brought me to my floor, I thought about what I just saw. I was never one to show off PDA like that before. Well, not that bad at least. Ever since seventh grade, I couldn't look at excessive PDA the same way without cringing a bit. When I got to my floor, I couldn't help but think back to that day in seventh grade. I could honestly say it was one of the worst days of my life. And it wasn't just because of the PDA.

"So you and Patrick are together, huh?" my old friend, Jackie, asked. I blushed and then nodded.

"Aw!" Erin said. I blushed again.

"Guys, shut up! People might hear you," I hissed at them. Erin and Jackie both rolled their eyes at me.

"Oh, come on! Everyone knows you've liked him for years," Erin said.

"It wasn't that long. Only two years. And people don't know that we are together yet. Patrick wants to keep it a secret for now," I explained. They both looked at me funny.

"Why?" Jackie asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because he doesn't want his parents to find out," I said. They nodded in understanding.

"Nicole!" We heard from behind me. I turned around and saw Patrick making his way over to me. I smiled at him. Patrick White was one of the popular kids in seventh grade. He played basketball a lot and almost all the girls liked him and said he was cute. Almost all the girls wanted to be with him and for some reason, he chose me to be with me instead.

"Hey," we all said when he made it to us.

"Hey, hun," he said to me. I blushed red. "Hey, Erin." He waved at her. She waved back. "Hey, Jackie." He smiled at her. His eyes seemed to linger on her more than I would have liked.

"Hey, Patrick," she said as she looked away and blushed. I looked at her in confusion. Jackie was known to be the type of person who would go for any guy, if he was taken or not. Even though we were only in seventh grade, she dated around a lot. And even though she was one of my best friends, she could easily betray my trust and try to steal my boyfriend.

"So what's up, Patrick?" I asked him, bringing his eyes back over to me.

"Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to see my girl." I saw his eyes flash over to Jackie. He thought I didn't see that, but I did.

"Oh... Okay," I said. I didn't notice this, but I guess my voice had a slightly different tone to it. No one else seemed to notice this except for Erin. She leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"What's wrong?" she asked me. I did a slight nod towards Patrick and Jackie who were now talking with each other. "And?" she asked. I looked away before I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

'He's interested in her, not me. I know it.'

I wrote on the paper. I shoved it to Erin. She glanced at it before she shook her head.

'No, he isn't.'

She wrote back.

'Yes, he is. I see the way he looks at her.'

Erin glanced up at me when she read it.

'I can tell Jackie likes him too.'

I wrote to her again. Erin read it and glanced towards Patrick and Jackie. She turned to me and gave me a sympathetic look. I took the paper from Erin's hands and ripped it to shreds before I threw it away in the trash.

About two weeks later, Erin, Jackie, Patrick, and I were sitting down and eating our lunch. Word had gotten out Patrick and I were together now. The thing is, we hadn't even kissed yet. And I think Patrick was getting a bit peeved by that fact. I really liked him, but I wasn't exactly ready yet.

I stopped eating my lunch when my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and it was my mom. I looked at it in confusion. Why would she be calling me while I was in school? I answered the call nonetheless.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Honey, get your things and meet me at the front office," my mom ordered me. She sounded like she was seconds from breaking down into tears.

"Why, mom? What happened?"

"Just hurry and get your things. We're going to the hospital."

"Why? Did something happen?" I asked, picking up my bag and packing my half-eaten lunch.

"Yes. Something happened. It's your father..." she trailed off. My eyes widened. My father?

"What about him?" I asked cautiously. Erin, Jackie, and Patrick looked at me in curiosity while Patrick held onto my hand.

"He... he was in a car accident..." she explained. I dropped my phone onto the table. I felt tears brim my eyes. He was in a car accident? I quickly picked up my phone and bag. I held the phone back up to my ear.

"I'll meet you at the office," I said quickly. I ended the call and turned to the questioning looks of my fellow friends and boyfriend. "I have to leave early," I told them.

"Why?" Erin asked. I wiped at my tears.

"My... my dad was in a... a car accident..." I managed to get out. Erin gasped as well as Jackie. Patrick just stared at me, unsure of what to say or do.

"I'm so sorry..." Erin muttered, hugging me quickly. After she hugged me, Jackie hugged me. Patrick got up from his seat and hugged me as well.

"I hope he's okay..." he whispered into my ear. I nodded numbly.

"I have to go. I'll see you guys later," I said. They all nodded. I quickly hugged Patrick one more time, grabbed my bag, and made my way to the front office. Before I did though, I took one last glance at Patrick and Jackie. Over those two weeks, I didn't trust them together, ever. I quickly pulled Erin aside to talk to her. "Watch them, please?" I asked her and she nodded.

I got picked up a few minutes later in the office. My mom had tears still matted against her cheeks. I glanced back at the back seat and Eric was sleeping soundly in his car seat. He didn't even know what was happening right now. And I hoped he wouldn't have to know. Sooner or later though, he was going to find out. I was hoping for later though.

We arrived at the hospital a few more minutes later. We rushed towards the nurse's desk, my mom's shoes tapping against the linoleum floor. I held a sleeping Eric in my arms.

"We're here for a Joel Greene," my mom said to the nurse. The nurse nodded before speaking.

"And what's your relation to the patient?" the nurse asked.

"He's my husband," my mom replied. The nurse nodded again.

"He got here about half an hour ago. He's currently in surgery," I cringed at the word surgery. "We're still not aware of the full damage yet," the nurse finished. "You may wait in the waiting room."

My mom nodded and walked to a seat. She sat down on the seat and buried her head in her hands. And then she cried again. I think this was the first time I had ever seen her so vulnerable in front of me. She was always the tough mother, never letting anything get her down. Her husband, my father, affected her differently though. She loved him more than words could describe. I sat down next to my mom and pulled one of my arms around her and leaned my head against her shoulder.

"It's okay, mom. He's going to be fine," I said, trying to sooth her, even though I didn't really believe my own words.

"I hope so..." she muttered.

And few hours later, a doctor and a nurse came up to us.

"Mrs. Greene?" the doctor asked. My mom looked up.

"Yes?" she answered as she stood up. I stood up as well. Eric had woken up half an hour ago, so he was standing next to me, holding onto my hand.

"Mr. Greene has suffered from metal scrap and glass piercing his skin and passing through his rib cage. It nearly missed his heart. We think we might have gotten everything out. He is currently resting in his room right now." My mom breathed out a sigh of relief. "You may go see him now if you'd like," the doctor said. My mom didn't bother to reply to the doctor, but instead followed the nurse who was next to the doctor and led her to my father's room.

"Thank you, doctor," I said for her before I followed her as well.

I followed her into my dad's room. He looked so fragile when we got there. He was lying on the bed, a bandage wrapped around his ribs and chest. He had bruises all over him. Even on his face. He had a busted lip and cut on his eyebrow. He had many tiny cuts along his face. The result of the windshield glass bursting, I assumed. He was still asleep and after waiting for nearly an hour, his eyes finally fluttered open.

"Joel!" my mom gasped out, reaching towards him. She held his face in her hands and kissed him on the lips. "Joel! We were so worried!" my mom cried out. New tears were falling from her eyes.

"Ow..." he muttered groggily as he stopped flinching. "I'm sorry. But that driver is a moron..." he stated and I laughed. That got my dad's attention. He looked towards the door. "Come here, cupcake," he ordered. I smiled weakly at him. I slowly walked towards him. When I reached him, I started crying.

"Dad, I was so scared!" I confessed, my arms wrapping around his neck.

"I know, honey, I know," he said. He buried his head in my hair. "I love you, cupcake..." he said.

"I love you too, daddy..." I replied. I pulled away from him and he wiped away my tears with the back of his hand.

"Now, where's little Eric?" he asked. I smiled and pulled Eric onto the bed. Eric brightened and giggled.

"Daddy!" he opened his arms for a hug. My dad opened his arms as well and gently hugged Eric. Eric didn't fully understand the situation though, so he hugged him hard. "Ow!" my dad groaned. Eric pulled away, startled. He looked up at our dad's face and his eyes started to water.

"I h-hurt... daddy..." Eric stuttered before he burst into tears.

"Oh no, you didn't," my father kept saying. Eric continued to cry. "Shh..." he hugged Eric again. "It's okay. I'm fine..." he said. Eric nodded slowly, though his tears were still flowing down his face.

We spent the night in his hospital room. Luckily, he had his own room. Eric and I slept on the couch, while our mother slept on a chair next to his bed. She held his hand the whole night. I knew that, because every hour or so, I would wake up and their hands were still connected.

When the next morning rolled around though was when something happened.

"He's going into cardiac arrest!" one of the doctors yelled.

Eric and I woke up to that yell. I stood up, trying to look over the doctors' shoulders. My mother was in the corner of the room. She was pushed out of the way, so they could help my father. She was already crying her eyes out. I was confused. He was better... right? What happened? The doctors ripped opened my father's gown, exposing his chest. Everything else after that was a blur. I couldn't process anything. I couldn't focus. My mother made her way over to us. She draped her arms over both of us, blocking our view. Eric had begun to cry a while ago. While I, on the other hand, was frozen in place. I didn't do anything. I was too numb to do anything.

Not too long after that, the doctors stepped back from my father's bed. I looked towards his lying body. I distinctly heard the sound of the machine connected to my father's body flatline with a loud beep.

"Time of death, 6:47 AM," a doctor called out.

Only then, did I react. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and all my tears after that seemed as if they wouldn't stop. That morning, my dad died. I didn't know why, but I still went to school. I shouldn't have though. I really shouldn't have, because when I got there, life decided to kick me while I was already down.

Parked right in front of my locker, two people were kissing. The worst part? The two people were my boyfriend, Patrick, and my best friend, Jackie. Now, they were soon to be my ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend. I couldn't believe them. I had a feeling that they did like each other, but I didn't think they would actually betray my trust and go behind my back. I didn't even need to say anything for them to pull apart. Jackie pulled away when she needed to breathe, and when she did, she saw me.

"Nicole!" she gasped out, wiping at her lips. I sent a death glare towards the two of them. I faced Patrick and he opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.

"I don't wanna hear it," I said as I turned to face Jackie. "You're no longer my friend. You can have him, because I don't want him anymore. Patrick and I are over," I said. I walked away and I could feel tears well up in my eyes. I walked towards the office and called my mom. She picked me up and we went home.

Needless to say, I cried all night that night. I lost my dad and boyfriend all in one morning. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

Jackie and Patrick got together the next day. Surprise, surprise. They broke up a week later. Still, not a surprise. I never talked to Jackie or Patrick after that.

An autopsy on my dad's body was done a few days later. It came back saying that he died from a of glass shard not being removed. It cut an artery in his heart and that was how he died.

I shook my head as I slid my key card through and entered my room. I wiped at my eyes, but I could feel a new wave of tears start to hit me. After those incidents was when I started cutting. And that was why I could never look at PDA like what Will and Annabella were showing. It would remind me of Patrick and Jackie and then of my dad, because he died that same morning.

I sighed and grabbed some clothes from my wardrobe and made my way to the bathroom. I closed and locked the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror and my eyeliner was everywhere from crying. I turned on the water in the shower and undressed. I took a long, hot shower, but that still didn't make me forget what happened that day. Even though it was a few years ago, the pain was still there, still lingering.