Sequel: I'll Never Look Back. ›
Ouch. I Think I Love You.
Promises.
He's away again.
Only this time I feel scared.
No, wait, I feel panicked.
It's like there's some, huge, ominous black cloud hanging over my head, just waiting to unleash full force on me.
People aren't asking me where he is, either, and when I ask them, they look at me sadly, almost.
As though they know something I don't.
I just want him back here, with me, to tell me everything's okay. To hug me, and smile at me. To make me feel better.
****
Alex is back.
So why am I so unhappy? I should be happy, I should be ecstatic. But I'm not. Instead of feeling happy as I know I should, I feel like crying.
I feel like the unmissable tension between us is stifling me.
I feel like I'm choking.
*****
I talk to Ellen about it.
"Why do you think he's acting like this, Ellen?" Great, she looks just as guilty as everyone else, she looks sad, too. Perfect. Just what I need.
"I don't know, Caitlin. Maybe he's just having a hard time at home and he needs some space, or something." Oh, ouch, that hurt.
"Yeah, maybe. But, I mean, we've been together for a good six months now, and I tell him practically everything. It's not like he doesn't have any reason to trust me."
"Does he know how you feel about Polly?" Shit.
"Well, no, not exactly, but he wouldn't mind anyway, would he? Do you think that's what it is?" Aw, he's jealous.
"Could be, he got jealous when you were hanging out with Jack, didn't he?" She's probably right, she usually is.
"Anyway, I have to go, Mum wants me to help her read a manuscript. Hope things get better this evening."
"Yeah, thanks, Ellen, have a nice evening."
And I'm alone. Again. All alone with my thoughts and fifteen minutes of walking time to fill with nothing but useless, rhetorical questions.
Fantastic.
Only this time I feel scared.
No, wait, I feel panicked.
It's like there's some, huge, ominous black cloud hanging over my head, just waiting to unleash full force on me.
People aren't asking me where he is, either, and when I ask them, they look at me sadly, almost.
As though they know something I don't.
I just want him back here, with me, to tell me everything's okay. To hug me, and smile at me. To make me feel better.
****
Alex is back.
So why am I so unhappy? I should be happy, I should be ecstatic. But I'm not. Instead of feeling happy as I know I should, I feel like crying.
I feel like the unmissable tension between us is stifling me.
I feel like I'm choking.
*****
I talk to Ellen about it.
"Why do you think he's acting like this, Ellen?" Great, she looks just as guilty as everyone else, she looks sad, too. Perfect. Just what I need.
"I don't know, Caitlin. Maybe he's just having a hard time at home and he needs some space, or something." Oh, ouch, that hurt.
"Yeah, maybe. But, I mean, we've been together for a good six months now, and I tell him practically everything. It's not like he doesn't have any reason to trust me."
"Does he know how you feel about Polly?" Shit.
"Well, no, not exactly, but he wouldn't mind anyway, would he? Do you think that's what it is?" Aw, he's jealous.
"Could be, he got jealous when you were hanging out with Jack, didn't he?" She's probably right, she usually is.
"Anyway, I have to go, Mum wants me to help her read a manuscript. Hope things get better this evening."
"Yeah, thanks, Ellen, have a nice evening."
And I'm alone. Again. All alone with my thoughts and fifteen minutes of walking time to fill with nothing but useless, rhetorical questions.
Fantastic.