Sequel: I'll Never Look Back. ›
Ouch. I Think I Love You.
Jeez, Sorry For Showing Any Interest In You At All
"What the hell is wrong with you?!"
I can't believe what I'm hearing, all I tried to do was ask him for the answer to a question, okay, four, but he totally blew up at me.
"Me?! What the hell is wrong with me? Christ, Caitlin, why won't you leave me alone? You're always trying to talk to me and get my attention. Well wake up, I don't like you anymore. Not how I did before, not even as a friend, you're a pushy, annoying, obsessive little slag, and you need to accept the fact that we. are. over, okay?"
The class draw in their breath at exactly the same time when he says this. A few people, Ellen and Ethan particularly, shoot him withering looks of hatred. I don't wait long to retort with my opinions, however.
"What the fuck? I asked you for help on a few questions, because, in case you hadn't noticed, you're the only one who's done any of this shit. I don't give a shit that you don't like me, you really think I hadn't noticed? You're always treating me like you're better than me, and you're actually really up yourself. You know what, Alex? I'd be surprised if, when you get to twenty five, you haven't already been in rehab a good five times. At least. You're going to be a crap musician, and no-one's going to want you anyway, because you'll keep expecting them to wipe your ass for you. The only person you'll ever be able to turn to will be your own reflection, and even then, you'll despise yourself. So here's my advice for you, get over yourself, grow up, and start treating people deluded enough to call themselves your friends with a little kindness, otherwise even flies won't want to hang around you."
"Fine, I can deal with that, because it's not true. But at least I can learn from my mistakes, and I know now that fucking a cheap whore like you is not worth the money. At all."
Dead silence. The rest of the class is looking at us with a sort of wonder painted on their faces, but they are looking rather strange. Ellen reaches into her bag, gets out her compact mirror and throws it to me. I understand what she's doing, though, and while she tries to find the mirror, I touch my face, and as I draw my fingers away, I see the tell-tale signs of mascara tears. Great. So not only am I crying, in front of my whole class, I'm also getting make-up all over my face.
In front of my class.
Alex is fuming. I'm crying.
I say very quietly, "fine, I'm sorry for showing any interest in you whatsoever. You know, I thought you were a decent guy. I really did. I thought maybe, just maybe, that you were different. I thought... I don't know what I thought. But I really loved you, Alex, I really, truly did. I told you things about myself that I hadn't admitted to anyone because you meant something to me. And maybe those six months didn't mean anything to you, but here's a little piece of shit for the fan.. They really made me feel good about myself for once in my life. For once in my life, I felt good enough to trust someone like that, and that's all thanks to you. I don't care what you think of me anymore, because you really aren't worth it, but it's a shame to be let down by your own delusions, it really is." I turn on my heel and walk out of the room, leaving a stunned silence behind me.
Things happen very quickly, then. I get caught by one of the teachers listening to our shouting match, just as I walk out. She looks at me with pity in her eyes. Whatever, this isn't her business, anyway. I hear a lot of people spill out into the hallway, a few running up to me, and asking if I'm okay. Someone catches my wrist, and twist it painfully, so I have to face them.
Great.
I can't believe what I'm hearing, all I tried to do was ask him for the answer to a question, okay, four, but he totally blew up at me.
"Me?! What the hell is wrong with me? Christ, Caitlin, why won't you leave me alone? You're always trying to talk to me and get my attention. Well wake up, I don't like you anymore. Not how I did before, not even as a friend, you're a pushy, annoying, obsessive little slag, and you need to accept the fact that we. are. over, okay?"
The class draw in their breath at exactly the same time when he says this. A few people, Ellen and Ethan particularly, shoot him withering looks of hatred. I don't wait long to retort with my opinions, however.
"What the fuck? I asked you for help on a few questions, because, in case you hadn't noticed, you're the only one who's done any of this shit. I don't give a shit that you don't like me, you really think I hadn't noticed? You're always treating me like you're better than me, and you're actually really up yourself. You know what, Alex? I'd be surprised if, when you get to twenty five, you haven't already been in rehab a good five times. At least. You're going to be a crap musician, and no-one's going to want you anyway, because you'll keep expecting them to wipe your ass for you. The only person you'll ever be able to turn to will be your own reflection, and even then, you'll despise yourself. So here's my advice for you, get over yourself, grow up, and start treating people deluded enough to call themselves your friends with a little kindness, otherwise even flies won't want to hang around you."
"Fine, I can deal with that, because it's not true. But at least I can learn from my mistakes, and I know now that fucking a cheap whore like you is not worth the money. At all."
Dead silence. The rest of the class is looking at us with a sort of wonder painted on their faces, but they are looking rather strange. Ellen reaches into her bag, gets out her compact mirror and throws it to me. I understand what she's doing, though, and while she tries to find the mirror, I touch my face, and as I draw my fingers away, I see the tell-tale signs of mascara tears. Great. So not only am I crying, in front of my whole class, I'm also getting make-up all over my face.
In front of my class.
Alex is fuming. I'm crying.
I say very quietly, "fine, I'm sorry for showing any interest in you whatsoever. You know, I thought you were a decent guy. I really did. I thought maybe, just maybe, that you were different. I thought... I don't know what I thought. But I really loved you, Alex, I really, truly did. I told you things about myself that I hadn't admitted to anyone because you meant something to me. And maybe those six months didn't mean anything to you, but here's a little piece of shit for the fan.. They really made me feel good about myself for once in my life. For once in my life, I felt good enough to trust someone like that, and that's all thanks to you. I don't care what you think of me anymore, because you really aren't worth it, but it's a shame to be let down by your own delusions, it really is." I turn on my heel and walk out of the room, leaving a stunned silence behind me.
Things happen very quickly, then. I get caught by one of the teachers listening to our shouting match, just as I walk out. She looks at me with pity in her eyes. Whatever, this isn't her business, anyway. I hear a lot of people spill out into the hallway, a few running up to me, and asking if I'm okay. Someone catches my wrist, and twist it painfully, so I have to face them.
Great.