Sequel: I'll Never Look Back. ›
Ouch. I Think I Love You.
Hurt Me.
I walk into R.S. looking what I hope is confident and sexy. I went out last week and bought myself two new outfits for school. I'm wearing these really long, pin-striped black trousers, with a long-sleeved, crisp white shirt, and a pin-striped black waistcoat, not the one guys wear with suits, a feminine one.
I'm also wearing three-inch hot-pink heels.
So yeah, I'm hoping I don't fall over or something equally as embarrassing.
"Morning, how was your summer?" The voice next to me is so familiar, it makes me jump, more out of surprise than anything. I look to my right, hoping my ears were lying to me.
No such fucking luck, I went and sat down next to Alex. I do a double take to make sure this is really happening.
"It was good thanks, and yours?" I may as well be polite, hadn't I? I've only been wanting this for the last six months, or so. Well, sort of, I wanted this, and then after we had our shouting match, I realised it wasn't important. So I guess I'm pretty much neutral.
"It was... interesting. I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up." WTF?
"You did WHAT? Wait, what number do you have?"
He gives me my old number without having to look at his phone.
"I lost that phone, sorry no-one told you."
Didn't think you would care.
******
He keeps trying to make conversation.
"Alex, can I ask you something without trying to be rude?"
"Sure."
"Why the hell are you talking to me now? Why has it taken you so fucking long to decide that you are in fact mature to handle a friendship with me?" He looks rather taken aback at my abruptness.
"Um, I don't know, I think it took me so long to get over you, because I was deluding myself. I broke up with you thinking that I could get by without you. I guess, at the time, I thought I didn't want you anymore. And I guess I thought that I could do better in school without having you in my head and my heart. I was so wrong. I was so wrong, Caitlin."
He looks really sad.
Shit.
"That's why I was so horrid to you, I thought that's how you were supposed to be, I had steeled myself against the anger I thought I would recieve from you. But you weren't angry, at least not in front of me. You just accepted it so quickly, it was like you were expecting it. I mean, you didn't even seem hurt, you just tried to be so damn gracious to me. I wanted you to be angry with me, that would have made things so much easier. I'm so sorry."
What he's said takes a moment to sink in. I think about it for a very long time, it's easy to do, because I have a whole load of work to do.
He's getting impatient.
Well, he can bloody well wait, I did.
"Alex... Why didn't you just tell me all of this? I needed you so much in April. I was miserable. All I wanted was you to visit me, even for just an hour. To have had you there, to talk to me about random crap, like you used to. That was all I needed. You weren't there."
He looks even sadder than he did before.
This isn't the right time, or place.
"Can we talk about this, say, after school at my place, please?"
He nods enthusiastically.
Thank God for the bell, no pun intended.
I'm also wearing three-inch hot-pink heels.
So yeah, I'm hoping I don't fall over or something equally as embarrassing.
"Morning, how was your summer?" The voice next to me is so familiar, it makes me jump, more out of surprise than anything. I look to my right, hoping my ears were lying to me.
No such fucking luck, I went and sat down next to Alex. I do a double take to make sure this is really happening.
"It was good thanks, and yours?" I may as well be polite, hadn't I? I've only been wanting this for the last six months, or so. Well, sort of, I wanted this, and then after we had our shouting match, I realised it wasn't important. So I guess I'm pretty much neutral.
"It was... interesting. I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up." WTF?
"You did WHAT? Wait, what number do you have?"
He gives me my old number without having to look at his phone.
"I lost that phone, sorry no-one told you."
Didn't think you would care.
******
He keeps trying to make conversation.
"Alex, can I ask you something without trying to be rude?"
"Sure."
"Why the hell are you talking to me now? Why has it taken you so fucking long to decide that you are in fact mature to handle a friendship with me?" He looks rather taken aback at my abruptness.
"Um, I don't know, I think it took me so long to get over you, because I was deluding myself. I broke up with you thinking that I could get by without you. I guess, at the time, I thought I didn't want you anymore. And I guess I thought that I could do better in school without having you in my head and my heart. I was so wrong. I was so wrong, Caitlin."
He looks really sad.
Shit.
"That's why I was so horrid to you, I thought that's how you were supposed to be, I had steeled myself against the anger I thought I would recieve from you. But you weren't angry, at least not in front of me. You just accepted it so quickly, it was like you were expecting it. I mean, you didn't even seem hurt, you just tried to be so damn gracious to me. I wanted you to be angry with me, that would have made things so much easier. I'm so sorry."
What he's said takes a moment to sink in. I think about it for a very long time, it's easy to do, because I have a whole load of work to do.
He's getting impatient.
Well, he can bloody well wait, I did.
"Alex... Why didn't you just tell me all of this? I needed you so much in April. I was miserable. All I wanted was you to visit me, even for just an hour. To have had you there, to talk to me about random crap, like you used to. That was all I needed. You weren't there."
He looks even sadder than he did before.
This isn't the right time, or place.
"Can we talk about this, say, after school at my place, please?"
He nods enthusiastically.
Thank God for the bell, no pun intended.