Sequel: I'll Never Look Back. ›
Ouch. I Think I Love You.
Disappointment.
I have to tell mum now.
* * *
"Can't I just pretend I hate her and move out, then come back in fifteen years, and tell her the whole thing? That way, she can't be mad!" I tried to reason with Alex without much success.
"Caitlin, if we're going to keep this baby, we both need secure roofs over our heads. I would love for you to move in with me, but my house is a little bit full right now, and adding two more to the equation wouldn't help! You don't have to do this, you know."
"But, you said you wanted to keep it. Have you already changed your mind?" I cocked one eyebrow in questioning.
Alex smiled warmly at me, taking my hand, and kissing it.
"I do want to keep the baby, but I can see how terrified you are about telling your mum, and I don't want you to get kicked out, or damage your relationship with her in any way, so if you want to get an abortion," he nodded his head as if two parts of him were agreeing with one another, "I'll go with you."
His eyes were full of meaning, love, and sacrifice. Tears formed in mine. Again. I brushed them away angrily, and laughed shakily at myself.
"I love you, Alex." And I kissed him full on the mouth.
* * *
As she walks in the door, I take a deep breath, grab Alex's hand, and prepare for the onslaught.
"Oh, christ," I murmur under my breath. My stomach knots in guilt and worry.
She looks so excited about it being New Year's Eve, and I'm about to ruin it for her. I'm so selfish.
"Mum, I need to talk to you, I think you'd better sit down."
She's already guessed. Oh crap.
"What is it, Caitlin?" She sounds pissed off. There's either going to be extreme screaming, or silence and disappointment. It doesn't matter what one she does, they're both as bad as each other. My stomach knots, flips and knots back on itself.
I feel sick as my words come out in a rush. I tell her about my mistake and everything I've planned to say all day goes out of my head, "I'm, um, I'm pregnant, Mum, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen, I just forgot my pill once, and now I'm going to have a baby. Me and Alex have talked about this all day, and we've decided that I won't have an abortion. Obviously, we understand that our relationship could crack under the strain from this, and if that happens, we've decided that we will have to cross that bridge when it comes. I'm so sorry, Mum."
She sighs.
"It's the one thing I told you not to do."
"I know. I'm so sorry."
There's a space of five minutes that feels like five weeks.
Then she gets up and goes into the kitchen without saying another word. That's it, no shouting, no crying, no screaming. This is worse than the shouting. So much worse.
* * *
"Can't I just pretend I hate her and move out, then come back in fifteen years, and tell her the whole thing? That way, she can't be mad!" I tried to reason with Alex without much success.
"Caitlin, if we're going to keep this baby, we both need secure roofs over our heads. I would love for you to move in with me, but my house is a little bit full right now, and adding two more to the equation wouldn't help! You don't have to do this, you know."
"But, you said you wanted to keep it. Have you already changed your mind?" I cocked one eyebrow in questioning.
Alex smiled warmly at me, taking my hand, and kissing it.
"I do want to keep the baby, but I can see how terrified you are about telling your mum, and I don't want you to get kicked out, or damage your relationship with her in any way, so if you want to get an abortion," he nodded his head as if two parts of him were agreeing with one another, "I'll go with you."
His eyes were full of meaning, love, and sacrifice. Tears formed in mine. Again. I brushed them away angrily, and laughed shakily at myself.
"I love you, Alex." And I kissed him full on the mouth.
* * *
As she walks in the door, I take a deep breath, grab Alex's hand, and prepare for the onslaught.
"Oh, christ," I murmur under my breath. My stomach knots in guilt and worry.
She looks so excited about it being New Year's Eve, and I'm about to ruin it for her. I'm so selfish.
"Mum, I need to talk to you, I think you'd better sit down."
She's already guessed. Oh crap.
"What is it, Caitlin?" She sounds pissed off. There's either going to be extreme screaming, or silence and disappointment. It doesn't matter what one she does, they're both as bad as each other. My stomach knots, flips and knots back on itself.
I feel sick as my words come out in a rush. I tell her about my mistake and everything I've planned to say all day goes out of my head, "I'm, um, I'm pregnant, Mum, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen, I just forgot my pill once, and now I'm going to have a baby. Me and Alex have talked about this all day, and we've decided that I won't have an abortion. Obviously, we understand that our relationship could crack under the strain from this, and if that happens, we've decided that we will have to cross that bridge when it comes. I'm so sorry, Mum."
She sighs.
"It's the one thing I told you not to do."
"I know. I'm so sorry."
There's a space of five minutes that feels like five weeks.
Then she gets up and goes into the kitchen without saying another word. That's it, no shouting, no crying, no screaming. This is worse than the shouting. So much worse.