Dear God

"Jessi, I need to talk to you." Zacky said walking over to me. I cringed at the name, I hated to be called that, but Zacky was the only one I allowed to call me that.

'I know you do, but I don't know if I'm ready to listen." I said turning away from him. He grabbed my shoudler and spun me around to face him.

"Please. It's killing me that we don't even talk. I just want to explain things to you, so even if you don't want to be with me, we can still be friends. He said pleadingly to me. I lifted my head to look into his beautiful green eyes. "Please Jessi, just listen to me."

"Even if I do listen to you, I'm with Sonny. We are over." I said, feeling myself give in.

"I know that, and even though it hurts to see you with him, I accept it, as long as you're happy. I just want to be friends with you again. I miss our random conversations about whatever we feel like talking about. I miss you." He said. I could hear the sadness and truth filling his words, as well as a slight slurr. I sighed.

"I miss it too, but it just can't be like it used to be. We can try, but we both know it won't work." I said sadly. "Our feelings will prevent it."

"See, you still care about me. Why do we still ahve to be apart?" He guided me over to the bed and sat me down. He sat down next to me with hope in his eyes. I looked closer and saw that they were a little blood shot.

"I'm with Sonny, Zacky. Plus, you hurt me. You promised you wouldn't hurt me." I said striaght out, not holding anything back. "I can't rust you anymore. I wouldn't be able to live with another broken heart."

"I know I hurt you, but you prmoised not to hurt me either. you're hurting me now." He siad matter-of-factly.

"You hurt me first. It's your fault." I stood up and went to leave my room, but Zacky grabbed me arm forcefully, holding me back.

"Sit down." He said, pulling me back to the bed. "Listen to me." I sat down. "Ok, while we were on tour I always looked forward to our conversations and phone calls. After awhile I just forgot about everything outside of the tour. When I did remember I was doing something I couldn't get away from to call like a show or interview. I never cheated on you. I would never do that to you." He said softly, still holding onto my arm. I was looking down at my hands, trying not to look at him. "You know I wouldn't cheat on you. After what happened with Stephanie, I can't stand the thought of doing that to someone I love." he said seriously. He put his hand under my chin and moved my face to look at him. "Please look at me." Finally I gave in and my gaze became locked in his. "I love you." he whispered, moving his face closer to mine. I felt his warm breath on my cheeks. Right before our lips met, I was able to tear my gaze away and turn my head so his lips landed on my cheek.

"Zacky, don't." I said and tried to get up, but he wouldn't let me. He tightened his grip on my arm.

"Why?" He asked, pulling me closer to him. I tried to pull away, but his grip on my arm was too tight. Plus it felt so good to be this close to him again.

"You know why." I stated. "I am taken."

"So, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." he said simply, warpping his arms around me, laying us down on the bed. I started to struggle.

"I don't cheat on my boyfriends-" I said, before Zacky cut me off.

"You're cheating on me. We never broke up." He retorted.

"No I told the guys to tell you we were over. Plus I called you and sent you several texts saying we were done. I did break up with you." I said. Finally I was able to break out of his grip and got off the bed.

"I never got those messages." he said. He stood up and walked towards me. I backed up as he got closer, until my back hit the wall. He pressed his body against mine and placed his hands on either side of my head. "So as far as I'm concerned, we are still together."

"Zacky, please stop this. You know we can't be together. Why are you doing this?" I asked in a scared voice. I placed my hands on his chest and tried to push him off. He grabbed my hands and moved them so he was holding them against the wall above my head.

"Beacuse I love you and I know you love me too." He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. He moved his face up to kiss my forehead and then my nose before pressing his lips to mine. I tried with everything in my power not to kiss him back. He pulled away. "Why aren't you returning the affection?" He asked stupidly. I could smell the booze opn his breath as his face was only a few inches from mine.

'First off, I do love you, but we are over. I am with Sonny now. So stop this, and secondly, you know that what you're doing is wrong. Its the alcohol thats making you act this way." I said> "please let me go." I said trying to get away. He shook his head and kissed me again. He lkept his lisp there for at least five mintues before I finally gave in and kissed him back. He tasted strongly of Jack Daniels.... what a surprise.

"Zacky, what the hell is going on here? Shads voice came bellowing through the room. Zacky turned to look at him.

"What does it look like, M?" He asked.

"Either you two are making out in a very kinky position or you are forcing the kiss on her." He said, moving into the room.

"She was kissing back, so no force. He said with a smirk, still holding me against the wall.

"Shut up Zacky." I said adn tried to get away again. "Please, let me go."

"No." He said and kissed me again. A second later, Zacky was ripped off me and I crumpled to the floor. I started crying and sat there on the floor until I felt two arms wrap around me. I turned to the person to see Sonny sitting there.

"I'm so sorry." I cried , burying my face into his chest.

"Shhhhh babe, you didn't do anything wrong. We saw the whole thing." He said holding me close, rubbing my back to confort me. We stayed like that for about twenty minutes before my tears stopped and I calmed down. We stood up and walked downstairs. We entered the living room to see everyone but Zacky there.

"Hey." I whispered. I sat on the couch. Sonny sat down next to me, pulling me close to him.

"Hey, how you doing?" Harley asked. She got up, walked over to me and pulled me out of Sonny's grip. She pulled me into a hug.

"I'll be better soon." I replied softly. I pulled away and sat back down

"On a lighter note, what's your good news?" Cyndal asked trying to lighten the mood.

"I got my first cover story with the article of From First To Last and I get to go to new Jersey for the next cover article I'm doing." I said monotonously.

"Oh wow. Congradulations Jess." Ash cried excitedly. Everyone expressed their excitedment and congraduated me. I didn't share in their excitment. I was still shooken up with what just happened with Zacky. I stood up and walked out of the room.

"Hey, babe. Are you ok?" Sonny asked, appearing beside me. I shook my head and headed up the stairs.

"I just want to be alone." I said and walked into my room, shutting the door behind me. I laid on my bed. *I don't know what to do. I still care about Zacky and I care about Sonny too. How can I possibly choose?* I thought to myself. My head was screaming Sonny, because Zacky hurt me and the stupid stunt Zacky pulled tonight, but my heart was screaming Zacky. I was so confused. *I need to get out of town for a while. When I go to Jersey, I won't come home until i feel ready to deal with this. Mr. Jackson will understand.* I thought, finally deciding what I was going to do.