Look for the Girl With the Broken Smile

SJ had barely gotten any sleep that night. She couldn't stop thinking about him. He just kept crawling back into her thoughts right when she was about to drift off. Dougie hadn't said anything to her after the show, not with Harry and Tom and Danny around, but SJ could tell he was thinking about it, too, by how unusually quiet he was.

Now, the next day, there was a slightly awkward silence as SJ finished working on his portrait. She was almost done and she had to say that his was probably her favorite out of the four. All she had to do was finish the shadowing around his eyes and nose.

"Poynter, look at me," SJ commanded. His eyes kept drifting off to stare around, and it wasn't helping.

"Sorry." He brought her gaze back to her, and SJ was struck by the intensity of his expression. And she knew it was lame, but when their eyes met, SJ almost felt her heart skip a beat. She looked down quickly at her paper.

She could not, could not, be actually having feelings for Dougie. That was ridiculous. Absolutely not. But she couldn't deny that their kiss yesterday left every part of her wanting more. It's just because he's a good kisser, she told herself as she kept drawing. She couldn't have any kind of relationship with Dougie other than the same one she'd had with him for the past five years. For one thing, Harry would flip out. If he hadn't liked it when that bouncer had simply winked at her, how was he going to take it if he found out one of his best mates had actually hooked up with her? Not well at all, that was how. And then there was still James. At least he had stopped trying to call her, but SJ knew she would have to talk to him eventually. Three years was a long time to be dating someone. It wasn't going to be easy to suddenly break up.

After about ten minutes, SJ put her charcoal down. "I'm done," she heard herself say.

"You're done?" Dougie repeated, as his eyes, which had previously been staring blankly ahead, focused on her.

"Yeah," SJ said. She couldn't believe it. She had actually managed to finish.

"Can I...see?" Dougie asked cautiously.

"Sure," SJ told him, standing up. He scooted out of his chair and came to join SJ on her side of the table. He stared down at the portrait, his expression unreadable. SJ bit her lip anxiously as she waited for his reaction. Then—

"Wow," he breathed. "Wow, SJ, this is amazing!"

SJ looked up at him hopefully. "You really think so?"

"Yes! It's brilliant, SJ," he exclaimed. "You'll definitely, definitely get accepted."

"Thanks!" SJ smiled happily. But one thing was missing. She leaned over and signed her signature in the bottom-right corner. "There," she said, feeling proud as she straightened up.

She suddenly realized how close she and Dougie were standing. She took a small step away. As much as she wanted to kiss Dougie right then, she knew she couldn't. But he immediately closed the gap between them by moving closer to her. She looked up at him again.

"Do I make you nervous, SJ?" he asked her, his voice low, a sparkle in his eye.

"What? No," SJ lied automatically.

Dougie placed his hand on her bare arm. Right away, goosebumps rose up. "Are you sure about that?" he said, smirking. Damn goosebumps! SJ cursed herself for showing any kind of reaction to him. She shrugged his hand off and looked away.

Dougie spun her around so she was facing him. "SJ," he said, suddenly serious. "I like you. I've always liked you. And I think...the reason I've always been so mean to you is that I was afraid of you turning me down." His eyes were boring into hers, and SJ couldn't look away. "And I'm sorry." He leaned in, very slowly and cautiously, to kiss her lightly on the lips.

Fuck this. SJ ignored everything her brain was telling her not to do and kissed him back. Some reasonable part of her in the back of her mind was screaming at her to stop, but she didn't care. It just felt so good.

"I knew you'd come around in the end," Dougie mumbled against her lips.

"Shut up, Poynter," she told him, almost out of habit, and pulled him in closer to her, running her hand through his hair. Dougie groaned. He began moving down from kissing her lips to her neck as his fingers played with the buttons on her shirt. SJ tried to figure out what this meant. Would it be so wrong to just have a fling? A short, simple fling. No one would have to know.

"Hey, Poynter," she whispered in his ear. "What do you say we keep this our secret?"

He paused. "I love secrets." She could feel his lips forming the words against her skin, sending her heart racing.

"Good," she told him, trying to restrain from ripping his clothes off.

"Especially dirty secrets," he added.

SJ pulled away from him slightly to look him in the eyes. "You're a sick kid, Poynter," she said matter-of-factly.

"You know you love it." He licked his lips.

SJ rolled her eyes. "Just shut up," she commanded again, before crashing her lips back into his.