Bleeding Heart

"No way!" Alexis exclaimed as I told her about what happened earlier with Dominic.

"No, not no way! It happened! And then! Guess who walks in when were...sitting there...and making out!?" I was telling her what had happened today. It was dark, around eight or so.

Dominic and I basically went to his room and ended up playing video games. Later on Heather joined because she was bored out of her mind. We all played some racing game, and I beat everyone each time.

Then Dominic and I ended up wrestling. Now, that was fun. Also, watching Heather try to wrestle with Dominic was down right hilarious.

She had no idea what to do. She pretended she was some kind of sumo wrestler and did the whole foot and attacking thing, but Dominic picked her up, put her over his shoulder and refused to put her down.

I laughed uncontrollably as she pounded her palms on his back, while screaming, "Mariella! Tell him to put me down!" He finally put her down as she felt like she was going to be sick.

I will tell you, I was kind of..I don't know the right word. Jealous, maybe.

It's fun, though. I know nothing will happen, hopefully.

Then she had this wild idea about having some double date thing and Dominic said yeah, so I went along with it.

Heather and I ended up having to leave after that, my mother had called and told us she wanted us home.

"Mariella! WHO!?" Alexis screamed into the phone, sounding irritated. I laughed at her."What the hell, are you going to tell me or what?" She asked.

"Sorry, spaced. Anyways, it was his one and only mother!" Alexis burst into laughter.

"Haha! Caught red handed by his mother!"

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to be caught making out by the guys parent?" I asked, and she laughed harder.

"My mother walked in on Jim and I kissing. And get this, his hand was up my shirt!" I laughed as she continued. "Anyways, what was her reaction? My mother was...she looked like I was some stranger, but she dashed out of that room so quick! She said from the other side 'Oh my good god! I'm...uh..Oh my god!' Exact words, too." I laughed.

"She waved her hands back and forth and kept apologizing. She had a pretty much embarrassed, shocked, oh my fucking god look. Dominic laughed as she went back to her room, still saying how sorry she was." She laughed again."I was just like...Uhhh...awkward kind of thing."

"Yeah, that's how I was, but I laughed and Jimmy said sorry to my mother before he left. She never told my dad, though...Good thing or he would have gotten the rifle!" She giggled and I laughed.

"Speaking of Jimbo," she laughed at my nick name for him, "How are you guys?" She sighed, her mood changing suddenly.

"I miss him terribly. I feel like half of me is still over there with you guys, but mainly with him." I nodded, knowing she couldn't see me.

"Yeah, it's like you're not your self unless he's with you, right? Like, you want to spend forever in his arms?" She sighed again.

"Yeah." She agreed. It sounded like she was in a far distance, but she probably was spacing. She suddenly decided to state something, "You love him."

"Huh?" I asked, fully confused. Who do I love? "I don't love Jimmy, if that's what you're insisting!" I said, suddenly worried. She laughed softly.

"No, no. Not Jimmy, Dominic." With just the sound of his name, it made my heart flutter and I became more attentive.

Do I love him?

I don't know, actually. To say the most, I know I like him. "I don't know, it's only been...not very long. What, two days?"

"So, I fell head over heels for Jimmy within a week. He's special, I'll say."

Can that really happen?

Knowing Alexis, she knew what I was wondering. "It's just..each time I looked at him...I saw my life flash before my eyes. But mostly just...him. It's like, he's all that mattered and I didn't want to loose him. And the way he made me feel, Mare. It's like..I was Jello. My knee's gave in everytime he'd smile. My heart skipped to a stop and sped up with just one touch. One touch, and it would set it off. And when I looked at him, at his eyes, it's like..I could see that he's the one that's meant for me, that he's the reason I'm on this earth. He's what supports me. The air I breathe. There wouldn't be a day you'd see me picking some super hot celebrity over him. It's like that stupid icon says, 'If i had to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I love you'. There's not one day I go without thinking about him. I need him like the fucking tree's need Carbon dioxide. How we need Oxygen. I love him with every living cell, every thing in me. When he's away, I ache for his touch."

As she spoke, it all sounded so familiar. I mean, I may have known Dominic since I was seven, but..ever since his car broke down that day..It's what has been building. I may have denied that I didn't like him, but I did.

I didn't know how much, and I still don't.

It's probably just a a chance at love. And I'm not near as ready for is as I plan on being.

There's so much I need to do, than sit there and love someone, and be loved by that someone.

I'm leaving in the next couple of months and, I'll be leaving him behind. All my friends, anyways. What's the use of love, when you're just going to throw it away soon enough?

I don't want to end up hurting anyone, so what am I doing?

Can I honestly be this..selfish?