Sillyworld

"Did you seriously just eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerry's?" I stared at Hannah incredulously.

"What?! I wanted ice cream!" she defended.

"You didn't need to finish it off in five minutes, you fat ass!" I laughed. She smirked back.

"Shut up, hoebag. Don't judge me. You're just jealous that you didn't get any,"

"You ate it too fast, otherwise I would have gotten some," I retorted.

"Ruthless," Hannah laughed.

The two of us were hanging out on a random beach in Florida. Jamie was with us, but had to make a quick food run. The guys were off doing interviews, photo shoots, meet and greets. The usual. Leaving us girls to be on our own for almost the whole day. And it was only eleven in the morning.

It had been about two weeks since the butterfly incident, and I still wouldn't answer Bam's calls. Missy's bachelorette party was a short two weeks away, and the wedding was another two weeks after that. I suppose I'd have to talk to him sometime. He was after all, my brother in law.
Corey had been paranoid that he was going to piss me off in some way shape or form, so he was walking on egg shells. Then I talked some sense into him.

Needless to say, things were back to normal, and for that, I was so very grateful. Life was good. I had my Corey, My Family, and my best friends. Lately, I had been having feelings of utter euphoria. There was nothing better than this. I stretched out on my beach towel and sighed contentedly, letting the warm sun soak into my ever bronzing skin. I had found that laying in the sun was a newfound favorite hobby in my spare time. Seratonin was always good for the soul.

"I want popcorn," Hannah muttered from her spot next to me.

"Jesus tapdancing Christ, Hannah, you just ate ice cream in mass amounts. You can't possibly be hungry," I stared at her in shock.

"She better be hungry. I brought two pizzas and some crazy bread," Jamie said from behind us. She sat down with the boxes, and some paper plates and busted out the pizza.

"Thank god for Little Caesar's!" Hannah rejoiced. I just stared.

"Hannah, you have something wrong with you. Is Joey aware that his girlfriend is a garbage disposal?" I asked.

"Whoa, what are you talking about?" Jamie asked.

"She finished off a whole damn pint of Ben and Jerry's in like.. five minutes flat, and then wanted popcorn. And she's on what? Her third piece of pizza?" I said.

"Chirst, woman! How are you not heaving?!" Jamie stared, wide-eyed.

"I don't know!" Hannah defended.

"Me fuckin' either," I muttered, stuffing a huge piece of crazy bread entirely in my mouth.

"Oh that's ladylike. I bet Corey appreciates that talent," Jamie smirked.

"Chu Ow U Or!" I attempted to say through a mouthful of food.

"What was that?" Jamie laughed.

"I said 'Shut up you whore!'," I repeated, sticking my tongue out at her.

"Hey, it's not my fault that you can fit a whole.. um..breadstick in your mouth," Jamie continued.

"Oh so not cool," I laughed, now eating another breadstick, but taking smaller bites.

"No need to hide it, sweetheart. We've all got our talents," Hannah chuckled.

"Yeah no shit. I envy your ability to pack away that much ice cream and not gain a damn pound," I retorted. "You must have a tapeworm or something."

"Or a small child," Jamie suggested.

Hannah's eyes grew impossibly wide, and her hands shot to her belly.

"No, you don't think.." she stammered.

"Whoa, sweetie, it was just a joke," Jamie said, trying to backtrack.

"I know but.. it's a possibility," Hannah said. I couldn't tell if she was happy or sad. She had absolutely no expression whatsoever.

"Soo you wanna get a test?" I asked, breaking the silence that had enveloped the three of us.

"I.. I don't know. I mean. I want to know, but I'm scared," Hannah said.

"What's the worse that could happen? You've got a bun in the oven and Joey's gotta buck up and help out? Big deal. The man loves you, and He'll be thrilled to be a baby daddy. I've known that guy since adolescence. No worries, Kay?" I said.

Hannah just nodded, looking more relieved. And then we were off. We cleaned up our beach spot and tossed on our over clothes. We chattered happily the whole way to the convenience store down the block. Hannah seemed to have calmed down an immense amount after I told her Joey would be okay with it. We walked up and down the aisles giggling at random things, until we found the pregnancy tests. Hannah grabbed two, but hesitated.

"Well this is going to be awkward," she muttered.

"Nah. Me and Jamie will buy some really wierd stuff so that we look like the nutcase, not you," I threw in. Jamie got a huge smile on her face and took off into the next aisle. I followed, grabbing a bottle of KY Jelly on my way. Jamie had grabbed a box of 12 condoms, glow-in-the-dark, and a plunger. I almost died laughing.

"What the fuck, Jamie?!" I said, tearing up I was laughing so hard.

"Exactly the reaction we're going for," she retorted, and headed for another aisle.

We ended up leaving the store with not only the KY, Condoms and Plunger, but an Atlas, A Hat that said "Princess", and a questionable looking convenience store sandwich. The clerk probably thought we were a bunch of lesbians, but it was well worth the misconception. I could not quit laughing. Then to make matters worse, Jamie ran back into the store, and bought a pack of each of the remaining condoms on the shelf, smiling cheekily at the cashier the whole time.

"Oh my god you two," Hannah said, carrying her small brown paper bag to the hotel room.

"What? Made it less awkward for you," Jamie said.

"Yeah, but you realize that there was paparazzi in there, right?" she asked. This caused Jamie to laugh uproariously.

"Oh man. That makes it all the better. Because people not only know who we are, they know who we're dating. Oh god, this is gonna be great!" Jamie laughed, clutching her stomach and almost ceasing to breath.

"The guys are never going to leave you two alone again," Hannah laughed.

"Pfft. We weren't alone, Hannah-dearest. You were the babysitter. You did nothing short of instigate the situation," I retorted, pulling out the KY jelly. "Jamie, you wanna rub this all over me?"

"You fuckin' know it!" She shot back, walking toward me.

"Oh jesus. I'm going to take my tests," Hannah said, and disappeared into the bathroom.

For the next 15 minutes, Jamie and I had a blast. We were both equally covered in KY. I'm pretty sure our clothes were completely ruined. We looked like greased pigs, only, way more attractive. Jamie tied the bedsheet around her neck in the form of a cape and taped some condom packs together to make a utility belt.

"I am the Sex Feind!" She roared, throwing her arms up in a superhero fashion.

"Ew. That blanket prolly has some extra... love on it. I wouldn't touch it," I said, cracking up.

"I know. It adds to the costume!" she said. "You... You are my sidekick, KY Woman!"

"Oh hell yeah!" I said, pouring the last of the KY into my hair, and slicking it back.

"Guys..." Hannah called from the bathroom.

We were immediately at the door, in our superhero disguises, waiting for her to open the door and give us the lowdown. As soon as she opened the door, however, she was overtaken by a fit of giggles.

"Oh my god, you two," she said, trying to hold back the laughter and failing. "Anyway. Both say it's positive," she said.

"Looks like my job here is done," Jamie said proudly, placing her hands on her hips in the superhero style.

"Wait, what?" Hannah asked, confused.

"I am The Sex Fiend! And clearly you've taken a leaf out of my book. I'm saving the world one orgasm at a time!" Jamie declared.

"You. Are. Ridiculous," Hannah said, shaking her head and laughing. "I've gotta tell Joey,"

"I know right. They should be here any time now. For lunch. Then of course they're leaving again. I'm not so sure that's a good idea," I said.

"Not so sure what's a good ide----what the fuck do you have on your body?" Corey had entered the room, followed by Slipknot.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I winked at him.

"Is that KY Jelly? Are you fucking covered in Lube, Vivian?" Corey asked, about to bust up laughing.

"Maybe I am, Maybe I'm Not," I replied.

"What the fuck. Leave it to you guys to suddenly acquire brain damage in the three hours that we were gone," Joey muttered. "Where's Hannah?"

"Right here. And I've gotta talk to you. Real bad." she called from the bathroom.

"Jamie. What do you have on your waist?" Corey asked, glancing at my partner in crime.

"Uh. Lollipops?" she said, attempting to cover them up.

"You guys. Are ridiculous," James said, grabbing his girlfriend and attempting to hug her. He was having a bit of a hard time due to the KY jelly making it slippery. "Fuck, this is like trying to catch a greased pig!" he muttered.

"Corey, Can I get 'slippery when wet' tattooed on my lower stomach?" I joked. "For superhero purposes only,"

"Only if you also get my name tattooed on your left tit," he retorted.

"Well shit," I said.

"Did you really cover yourselves in lube?" Sid asked, shaking his head.

"You jealous?" I asked.

"Of Corey and James, Yes.. of you.. not so much," he replied.

"Liar. You totally want some of this KY-------" I began.

I was interrupted by the bathroom door flying open and Joey flying out, Hannah in tow. He had the absolute biggest smile on his face, and she looked more at peace than she had since the idea popped up this morning.

"I'm gonna be a dad!" Joey gushed excitedly.

"Well Hot-Damn! Who's the baby-mamma?" I asked, just to be an idiot. I was ignored by everyone, except Corey, who managed to grab me and pull me into his lap. "What?" I asked.

"Nothin'." Corey murmered into my ear. "I love you though. Even though you're a bit of a basket case."

"I love you too," I smirked. "Though I have a hard time fathoming how the hell you keep up with me. You are, after all, quite old," I retorted.

"I'm only nine years older than you. I'm not that old," he said, faking hurt.

"I know. You keep up this whole chasing me around shit, and you're gonna throw out a hip," I said.

"You're off the walls this afternoon," Corey muttered.

"Chyeah. Coffee and Frosting, all the way, homie. Now congratulate your drummer before I do something violent to you," I said.

"Oh please cause me pain," Corey winked.

"Oh jesus tapdancing christ. Not now Corey. Maybe later," I said, and hopped off his lap to go take a shower.

Today was an interesting day. With one of my friends pregnant, the other probably not far behind, and Corey and I falling more and more in love with each other, life was just getting better. Not to mention, my other friend getting married in less than a month. You wouldn't look at the men of Slipknot and see a group of men who were softies at heart, but I was amidst the best individuals ever.