Sillyworld

"Jesus. We're just adding to this family left and right," Hannah muttered as Paul brought his new girlfriend to dinner, and introduced her as Kirstin. She was tall with green eyes and blood red hair. She was actually quite pretty, and would fit in with the 'Knot girls pretty well. And I could tell all of this from just one sizing up. I had an almost flawless judge of character, and I already liked this one.

"Hey no need to be pissy," I chuckled.

"I have a baby chillin' all up in my business. I'm going to be pissy," she laughed.

"True that, I suppose," I replied. Jamie chuckled as well.

"What, you already disapprove. She hasn't even been here for five minutes. Chill out, momma," she said.

"Would you guys quit calling me momma?" Hannah scowled.

"Probably not," Lei tossed in, smirking.

"You are in fact the only momma around here," Jade replied.

"Ugh. You guys are ridiculous," Hannah muttered.

"At least they're not calling you big momma," Lyndsey threw in.

"True that as well!" I said. Hannah rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Oh I'm sure someone'll throw that in there one of these days," she said.

"You're probably right," Lyndsey said, smiling.

"C'mon girls, time to leave her alone," Joey said, rubbing Hannah's arm affectionately.

"Awh, Joey, you're ruining the fun," Lei said, frowning slightly.

"Oh I'm glad you ladies are having fun at my expense," Hannah said.

"But the fun's definitely not over," Paul's new girl Kirsten said, nodding toward the waiter.

"Kirsten, you better not get us kicked out," Paul warned.

"Why not, You know that Chris would much rather be golfing. He's been bitching all morning. Go ahead, get us kicked out. That would mean a nice afternoon on the beach," Lyndsey said. Chris nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. I'm definitely up for some golf," he said.

"Jesus christ, Chris, the only thing you've been doing since we got back is golfing," Corey laughed.

"Shut up Corey. What have you been doing?" Chris said, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh yeah! Guys. I have an announcement to make," Corey said. All eyes were now on him.

"You're pregnant too!?" I said, smiling widely. "I tell you all right now, It's no child of mine,"

"Shut up, V. No.. V and I are Engaged," Corey said.

"Jesus, Finally," Jamie said.

"No shit," Hannah agreed.

"Yeeeah, thank Allah. Corey finally grew some nuts," Jade said.

"Hey now, I had to wait for the opportune moment," Corey attempted to defend himself.

"Exactly. When you grew balls," Lei agreed.

"How is it we go from picking on one to picking on another within a matter of minutes?" Lyndsey asked.

"Get used to it, sweetheart. It's a way of life for the Slipknot family," Chris said.

"That goes for you too, Kirsten," I said. "If you can't take the heat, move to antarctica!"

"Nonsense. The saying goes 'If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen'," James said.

"I know. That's the proverbial saying. But the Vivian version is 'If you can't take the heat, move to Antarctica.'" I argued.

"And that version is about a million times better," Kirsten agreed. I liked her even more.

As James was about to open his mouth to argue, the waiter came to take our orders. Kirsten had a mischievous glint in her eye that the rest of us girls picked up on immediately. We were all attempting our hardest to hide smirks, but almost failing miserably. Sid sent Lei a warning glance, and she raised her eyebrows as if to say what? I'm not doing anything.

"What can I get for you, ma'am," the waiter started with Jade.

"Do you have Captain Crunch?" she asked seriously. Mick covered his face with his hands and shook his head.

"Uh.. Um. No I don't think we have that," the waiter said.

"Well that fuckin' sucks. How about Cheerios?" Jade continued.

"We don't have any cereal," the waiter said.

"No cereal?! What kind of restaurant is this?!" Jade asked angrily.

"She'll take the spaghetti," Mick said, shutting her menu and handing it to the waiter, sending an apologetic glance. "And I'll get the steak."

"Alright, and for you?" the waiter said, turning to Hannah.

"I want 2 waffles with strawberry syrup and whipped cream, 3 pieces of bacon on the side, but not too well done, a pickle, and a slice of chocolate cake with raspberry drizzle on it. And a salad. With ranch dressing on the side, no cucumbers," She said. The waiter stared. "I'm serious." Hannah said.

"Uhm.. anything else?" the waiter asked.

"Yeah. A glass of orange juice, half a glass of Dr. Pepper, a side of applesauce, and some potato boats.. you know, the things with the cheese and bacon on them?" she said.

The waiter nodded and wrote down her order with huge eyes, then moved on to Joey. He shook his head and said he'd eat some of Hannah's food. So the waiter was on to me.

"For you ma'am?"

"Uhhhhhh. Do you have a picture menu?"

"No, I'm sorry."

"Kay well in that case, I wanttt... Uhm. You said no to Cheerios, yeah?"

"Yes." the waiter was getting frusterated.

"Kay, then I want the Chicken Sandwich and some Waffle Fries," I said in my best impression of Dante from the 'Unforgivable' skits on youtube. Corey was chuckling, then made his order, and the waiter moved on to Lei.

"I want Kraft Mac and Cheese. If it's not Kraft, I don't want it," she said stubbornly.

"We only have homemade macaroni and cheese," the waiter said.

"That's disgusting. I don't want that. Can I have the Alfredo pasta then? And make sure the noodles are thoroughly cooked," Lei said, smiling sweetly. The waiter wrote down her order and moved to Sid.

By this time, the men were all glaring at their ladies. Aside from Chris and Corey who were trying pretty hard not to laugh. Sid ordered, and the waiter moved to Lyndsey.

"Grilled Cheese!" she said cheerfully.

"You want the basket?" the waiter said.

"What the hell. Is this easter now. Are we going on an egg hunt?" Lyndsey said.

"I meant do you want fries with that," the waiter said.

"I thought this was a restaurant, not fast food," Lyndsey said.

"She'll take the basket," Chris smiled, and made his order.

The waiter scowled and moved over to Jamie.

"I would greatly enjoy a fantastic Hambuger. But I want the stuff on the side cause you never put it on the the right order," Jamie said. James chuckled a little and then ordered his food.

And then the waiter was on to Kirsten, who was the mastermind behind this plan, so I was assuming that she had something up her sleeve.

"Can I get a chicken?" she asked.

"What kind of chicken?" the waiter asked.

"Live," she replied simply.

"We don't ship the chickens in live, ma'am," the waiter said.

"So you're saying your foods not fresh?" Kirsten said.

"No, our foods very fresh, we just get the meat products shipped in.... You know what, I'm not getting into this with you. Just make your order please. I have other table I need to tend to and you've all been wasting my time," the waiter said, trying to keep his composure.

"Well that was a dick thing to say," I said.

"It was indeed. I think we should kick his ass," Lei agreed.

"Probably," I replied.

"Fine. Since this jackass is having his time wasted, I guess i'll take the chicken McNugget kids meal. With a boy toy," Kirsten said.

"Oh my god. Are you kidding me. We. Are. Not. McDonald's. Make. Your. Order. Please," the waiter said in short clipped words, clenching his teeth and breathing uneven. He was thoroughly irritated. I smirked, and I noticed the rest of the girls had a matching facial expression.

"Alright fine. I want the chicken and rice dish. It better be delicious though," Kirsten said. Finally, Paul made his order, and the waiter was stomping toward to back to place the order.

"You guys are assholes," Joey said.

"But it was amusing," Hannah said.

"Of course. But they're going to spit in our food," Mick complained.

"Why? We didn't piss the cooks off," Lei said.

"Thats what you think. Have you ever worked in the food industry? Pretty much the cooks are pissed as soon as you walk in and sit down. They have to do thier job and quit fooling around in the back," I said.

"How do you know?" Jade said.

"She used to work at a restaurant," Corey said. "I remember going in there and being an ass to your fellow waitresses,"

"Yeah, they didn't take it that way. They pretty much wanted your cock," I said.

"Way to be vulgar, sweetheart," Corey said.

"Oh I'm just being honest. They thought you were fuckin' hot. Which.. You are. But they probably would have jumped you in a back alley if they were given the chance. The point is though. I think everyone should work in the food industry at least once in their lives. That way, people will realize how horrible other people can be," I said.

"So that little display?" Sid said.

"Babe, that's not even the half of it," Lei said. "I worked in a restaurant as well, and I would have loved if that were the worst people did,"

"I don't even want to know," Sid said.

"Yeah. It gets worse. That was all in good fun," Lei said.

"You guys better not be plotting anything else," Paul said warningly.

"Paul..Dear Paul. When do we ever plot things ahead of time?" I said.

"Sometimes I wonder," he muttered.

"Nah, dude. We just go along with the program. And when the opportunity arises, we seize it," Jamie explained.

"You are all truly out of your minds," Paul said.

"You're probably right. But we make life fun," Kirsten said.

"I suppose," Paul said, defeated.

After all, were would these boys be without us ladies to keep them on their toes?