Sillyworld

For the first month that I was back in Des Moines, I was happier than an old man in a gentleman's club. Only.. minus the extra appendage. I had spent so much time with the guys, Hannah and Jamie that It was like I had never left in the first place. Tattooing was the same as it had always been, and although I had definitely missed it, I also remembered that there was reason I left. I wanted to do more. I wanted to do some traveling. I had always wanted to write, act, sing. All of the things that all little girls dream of, and a select few actually do. The closest thing I had to any of those things was Bam's offer to come back to West Chester and become a member of Viva La Bam.

Tempting.

But what about these guys. The people who I've become so close with yet again. To think that I was even considering tearing a part of their hearts out, yet again, was very selfish. Plus, there was my promise, no matter how unvoiced, to never leave Corey again. Oh but my dreams were calling me. I had talked to Jamie about it one afternoon. Even she and I had already bonded into borderline sister mode. I wasn't sure if it was because she was dating my cousin, or because we just really clicked as friends. Either way, the look on her face when I suggested heading back to Pennsylvania was just tragic.

Needless to say, I decided against it. I had enough publicity from being on the first four seasons, not to mention hosting a few rock shows on Fuse and other music channels. I suppose when I said Bam never let me get a job, I lied. Bam never let me get a normal job. It was alright though. I was known as the female Jackass among skaters and mischief makers alike. Hell, I had noticed one day surfing the net that I even had my own fan site. Sometimes, humans made me chuckle.

It was a overcast afternoon, and the sky looked like it was about to have a mental breakdown. I was stretched out on my bed in James' house, reading a book about Ted Bundy. There was a sharp knock on the door, and without even giving me time to answer, Corey walks in, in some sort of a hurry, searching my floor for god knows what.

"I sent your underwear back with UPS," I said, glancing up from my book.

"Oh very funny. Quit stealing my underwear, you creep. Do you have my aviators and my beanie?" he asked.

"On my nightstand and on my bathroom counter... why? What'cha up to?" I asked, now interested. I sat up on my bed, crossing my legs Indian-style, and stared intently at Corey.

"Uh. I have kind of.. a.. um.. thing.. with Scarlett," he muttered.

"A date, Corey?" I asked, my heart now packing for a very long vacation.

"Uh. Something like that, yeah," he answered.

"You're disgusting. Get your shit and leave," I said, monotone voice.

"Whoa, what's the problem?"

"Corey. Why? What void are you trying to fill that you couldn't fill with someone else? Just because you were married doesn't mean that you need to hold on to it. What if she hurts you again? This isn't just writing material, Corey. This is your well-being, and I'm not going to stay here and watch you get obliterated again. I wasn't here last time, and you can bet your ass I won't be here if it happens again, because this time, It's your own stupidity," by this time, I was yelling. Tears were threatening to pour down my face, but luckily, I had a little bit of control.

"I... Vivian, what.. I," he stuttered. He stared at me, as I stared back, level gaze.

"If you leave, I'm going to West Chester, and you won't see me again. I won't watch you kill your heart. You're a good person Corey, rage and hate aside, and you deserve someone so much better," I pleaded.

"Like who, Vivian? The girl of my dreams is...She isn't real," he yelled.

"Well that's a blow to the ego," I half laughed, shrugging and collapsing backwards onto my pillows, staring at the ceiling fan.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Corey asked, frustrated.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it," I said.

"Oh no. You're not getting out of it," he said, sitting on my bed.

"Yeah, I am. You've got a date to go on. Go enjoy yourself," I said. The weight on my bed didn't budge.

"Corey, go," I said firmly.

"What if I don't?" he asked.

"I don't know. I have a phone call to make, so do whatever you have to do to keep yourself happy. I don't give a shit anymore," I said, getting off my bed and heading to the living room and turning on the T.V. to Family Guy.

"I thought you had to make a phone call," Corey said, coming up from behind me.

"I lied," I said shortly. I wouldn't turn to look at him. I couldn't. I knew the look on his face would cause the tears that I was fighting so hard to hold back to fall. Moments later, I heard the door close, and I knew Corey was lost to me. Finally, I broke down. I sobbed myself to sleep on that couch, wallowing in something I could have fixed had I strapped on a set of balls and told Corey how I really felt. He was lost to me. Back into the arms of a woman who didn't love him, couldn't love him the way I did.

In the morning, I went to my room and began packing. I lied to Jim and told him that I missed Bam too much to stay here any longer. I think he knew something more was up. But, as much as he tried to get out of me, the more mute I became. The happy world that I had recreated in Des Moines was crumbling. Simply because I was too stubborn to tell someone how I really felt. This was ridiculous as all hell. And yet, I was going to turn tail and run instead of just fix it. Communication was definitely not my strong suit.

Five hours later, I was in the airport lobby, iPod on, one earbud in, one out, listening for my flight number. I had called Bam and told him I was coming back. He was shocked. He thought I'd stay here forever. He thought I was happy. I had a lot of explaining to do. I was shifting restlessly in my uncomfortable plastic chair as two familiar figures approached me.

"You're really leaving?" Hannah asked me sadly. I nodded, beginning to tear up again.

"I'm gonna fuckin' miss you, kid," Joey said, sadness plastered on his face. "You've always been a sister to me, and that's never gonna change. The rest of the guys are on their way to say goodbye. They don't want you gone either," he said, grabbing me and giving me one of those famous Slipknot, bone-crushing hugs.

"Joey, if you don't quit crushing me, I won't be able to leave in anything but a body-bag," I breathed.

"Good. We don't want you to leave," his voice. Oh that gorgeous, deep voice. I couldn't turn around, again. I stood, facing Joey and Hannah, terrified to see the look on his face.

"Corey, I told you-" I began.

He grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him, taking my face in his hands and bringing it up to look at him.

"Told me what? Told me that you'd leave if I went with Scarlett? Well I didn't, and you're off. Why?" he asked, his eyes searching mine for an honest answer.

"You... you didn't? I mean... Why?" I stammered, baffled. Score one for Corey.

"Because I realized that the woman that I needed to be with was real. She's so real, and she's about to tear my heart out of my chest worse than Scarlett ever did," he whispered, taking my face in both of his hands and placing his forehead to my own.

"Has Corey Taylor gone soft?" I chuckled, my entire body feeling so incredibly warm.

"Only for you, sweetheart," he said. "Don't tell anyone."

"You're in the middle of a crowded airport. I don't need to tell anyone, you're fucking showing them," I laughed.

"True that," he said, letting go of me, and backing off. "You're really leaving?"

Shit