Fake It Like You Matter

It was quarter after six in the morning and my cell phone was lighting up and ringing its loud irritating ring.

"Shit," I rolled over, reached across Pete who was laying next to me, asleep and grabbing the phone.

"Hello?" I whispered into it.

"Love? Its Jessa," She sounded pissed, "Where are you?"

"Oh my God, I slept in," I confessed, falling out of bed in an effort not to rouse Peter as I climbed over him. I jumped up and tried to pull on my work pants as I apologized, "Ouch, I'm sorry. I'll be there soon."

"Its me and a trainee on a Friday morning rush." She urged, "Hurry, Love!"

"Okay."

She hung up on me. I couldn't blame her' either.

"Sorry!" I yelled running through the doors of the Starbucks, apron dangling around my neck, shirt barely buttoned, not tucked in, and hair tied back in a sloppy ponytail.

I dodged my way through a lobby full of grumpy customers all desperately awaiting their morning caffeine fixes, and finally ran behind the counter, but not before Jessa caught my arm and pushed me into the back room.

"That's the third time in the last 2 weeks, Love," She said angrily, "You're slipping."

"I'm sorry..." I sighed, and leaned against the industrial dishwasher.

"What's going on with you these days?" She asked frowning at me, "Baby, you're all over the place."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything because she was right. I had been slacking lately, but I didn't have a good excuse. I was just tired.

"Why'd you sleep in this time?" She asked.

"I forgot to set my alarm," I shrugged.

"You were out late to see Pete again, weren't you?" She wondered, less annoyed now.

I nodded, "Yeah. They were playing a show at The Well last night..."

"Love, all you have to do is let me know and I'll try and schedule you around his shows, but you have to pull it together, okay?" She leaned in, adding quietly, "Claire is leaving in January, and that puts you next in line for assistant manager. That means better hours, a sweet raise, and benefits, but not if you keep this up, you know what I mean?"

I nodded again, hating myself for forcing Jessa to have to cross the line from friend to manager.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Its alright. Take the till," She instructed and I saw a little smirk take over her lips, "I left Jen out there alone..."

I moved past her, forcing the bottom of my shirt into the waistband of my pants and tied my apron, then took over the till from the panic-stricken cashier in training who had been left alone to face the coffee deprived mob, crowded into the shop.

"Hey, Lovely. Where did you disappear to this morning?" Pete asked, putting away a notebook as I walked into my room.

"Work," I replied quietly, stripping off my uniform and throwing it in a pile on the floor.

I found a clean t-shirt, pulled it over my head and climbed back into bed with him. He automatically pulled me closer and held me to him.

"Long day?"

"Yeah." I sighed closing my eyes.

I told him how I had been late again, and what Jessa said about me needing to pick it up, or else I wouldn't move up in the business. When I had finished my complaining, he just kissed me to make everything feel right again. That was all it ever took with him.

It was mid October and Pete and I had been together for two months. Two very serious months.

I would never have admitted it to anyone, but I was slowly becoming the girls I had always loathed. The ones who let their boyfriends become their whole life.

I didn't mean to let him monopolize my thoughts the way he usually, did, but with neither of us in school and our jobs being our only other commitments, when he wasn't at practice and I wasn't at Starbucks, life was just the two of us. It had been that way since the night on my roof. With my parents still in L.A., a giant house to ourselves, we had no one to answer to but each other, and that was how we liked it.

"I missed you," He said, "I hate waking up without you next to me."

"I know, but I had to go to work," I sighed, "I've slept in 3 times in the last 2 weeks, Pete. I don't know if I can keep going to all of your shows."

"But I need you there," He squeezed me to emphasize his point, "You're the only face in the crowd that really matters to me."

I knew better than to think he was over exaggerating. The only thing that scared me more than how much I needed Pete was that he needed me back.

Ever since the night I told him about my mother, it was like we had a silent understanding that we could tell each other anything. That we could trust each other with all of our truths, no matter how messed up they were, and we did just that.

I knew Pete had been falling into a progressively darker mind space with the pressure of writing a record and running his empire. I knew he wasn't sleeping much anymore, and I knew that he needed me to be there for him the way he was there for me on my rough days.

I let out another sigh and looked up at the ceiling, "Fine."

"I love you," He swore, pulling me into a kiss again to make me forget.

The boy was my heroine.