Fake It Like You Matter

"Do you think we should split up?" I wondered as we stood just inside the gate of the cemetery, hand in hand, "This place is kind of big... It might be quicker."

Pete shook his head, "It's not a race. We've got time."

"Okay," I looked over at him, "Where should we start?"

"Maybe we should just start at one side and work our way to the other?" He guessed.

I nodded, "Sure."

We weaved in and out of the rows slowly, reading each headstone, looking for the one that read 'Joy.'

"You know what?" I mumbled after a while of searching with no luck, and looking over towards a giant evergreen tree near the edge of the cemetery, "I'm gonna go look over there."

"Think she might be there?"

I nodded, "Yeah..."

"Lead the way," He smiled.

We meandered through the rows over to the tree and I started down one line of graves close by. As I walked slowly, studying the names of each gravestone, the name on the fourth one in stopped me dead in my tracks.

It was her. I had found my mother.

"Joy McEvie, 1958 - 1994," Pete read softy, his hand on my waist and recited the quote etched into the marble, "'Forever could never come close to enough time spent with you'.

What does that mean?"

I furrowed my brow and crouched down in front of it.

"I don't know," I shook my head, "Why don't I know?"

"It's okay, Love," Pete crouched next to me, "You were nine. Chances are theres still a lot of stuff you didn't know about her..."

Maybe it was foolish of me, but I had never seriously considered this before and I frowned even more at his suggestion.

"Crazy," I breathed, kneeling into the grass, feeling the moisture from the ground soak right through my jeans, "Forever could never come close to enough time spent with you..."

"I like it..." He smiled over at me and I couldn't help but think the same thing about him.

I don't know how long Pete and I stayed there, lying in the wet grass, talking, but when the cold started to numb our bodies and our thoughts we had to head back to the car.

"Shouldn't I leave something?" I wondered as we walked away, "I don't have any flowers or anything..."

"Oh, right..." Pete stopped, stuffing his hand into his pocket, pulling out some white plastic flowers, smiling as he explained, "I know, they're plastic...but they were the only edelweiss to be found in all of Illinois, so..."

"Edelweiss?" I looked from the plastic flowers in his hand up to his beautiful eyes, the ones that had drawn me in, right from the start and I felt my own become warm with fresh tears.

"You said once that she used to sing it to you..." He nodded as he placed them in my trembling hand, "You said she sang it to you before she died..."

I chewed on my lip, nodding, and he smiled again, "Go on, Lovely."

I bounced up and down on my toes for a moment and kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you, Peter."

Turning quickly, I ran back over to the spot my mother was buried and placed the white flowers at the base of her headstone. I kissed my fingers, touched the word Joy and smiled, "I'll see you again."

"I don't deserve you," I said when I caught up to Pete on the way to the car, "Seriously."

"You deserve everything good that this world has to offer," He shook his head and laughed, "But I'm not so sure I fall into that category, Love..."

"I think you do."

He sighed and leaned against me at the passenger door, "I just want you to be happy."

I kissed him softly, "I am happy."

The rest of the time we spent together in Vancouver was very low key, but it was nice to share those memories, or as he put it, my first chapter.

I showed him my old school, where my mother had been a teacher, the church where I went to Sunday school, and the park I learned how to swing in. I took him to my old home and when I pointed to a farm, he laughed.

"Yeah, thats right," I smiled back, "I'm a little bit country ..."

"You're way more rock n roll," He assured me as we drove on.

"Turn here," I directed, and he shot me a glance.

"Where are we going now?"

"The spot she died," I said softy.

I took him to the intersection where the accident had taken place all those years ago. It still looked exactly the same as it had that day.

"This is it," I said as the light turned green and I felt nine again as we began to drive, "Right here... Boom. Then everything I thought I knew... was gone."

"That's so messed up," He shook his head and reached for my hand, "Why don't we get back... Start packing up?"

"Okay," I whispered, taking in the last glimpses of the town where my life had begun.