Plight of Amour.

Stupid alarm clock.

I swung my hand down on the screaming object on the nightstand. It stopped, and I sighed peacefully. I pulled my sheets and blankets further up on my body, snuggling into the warmth. They smelled good, like home…and lavender.

The living world began to melt away. My thoughts were becoming hazy. Sleep was just within my grasp.

But my bedroom door slammed open, pulling me from my almost peace.

“Calla!” Rillia catcalled.

I sat up with a groan. “What?”

“Teniell is downstairs so get your little butt up and get down there.” Rillia pulled my blankets completely off me and dropped them to the floor.

I must have looked confused because she sighed.

“It’s Wednesday,” she told me. “You have to get ready for the book signing at that romance novelist convention…thing.”

I laughed, having completely forgotten the book signing. But why so early? It felt like I had just fallen asleep, though I was sure it was several hours after four.

Maybe it was time to admit I had a sleeping problem.

I slid out of bed and trudged around to get dressed. I pulled on jeans and a button-up shirt. Rillia smiled.

“I hope you have fun,” she stated.

“I probably won’t.” I combed my hair without bothering to look in a mirror. “I’m ready.”

Rillia pulled me to the door. “You look fabulous.”

But I knew she was being sarcastic.

Teniell jumped up from the couch when we entered the living room. Finn was sleeping on the love seat across from her, a blanket covering his small body.

“You ready to go?”

I nodded and followed Teniell out to her Jeep. I hopped in the passenger’s side, buckled up, and struggled to breathe.

My throat felt awfully scratchy from my waterworks the night before.

Teniell slammed her own door shut loudly.

“Good morning, Calla,” she whispered, sticking her key in the ignition.

I waved a hand. “Hey, Teniell.”

She glanced at me, her hand frozen on her key. “You sound terrible. Are you alright?”

I nodded very slowly. A headache was pounding in my skull like I had been hit by a sixteen wheeler truck.

“Not really,” I answered truthfully.

Teniell turned the car on and began backing out. We were well on our way down my road before she spoke again.

“Why were you crying last night?” she whispered.

At first, I couldn’t have been positive that she said anything. Her words were spoken so low they were almost inaudible.

I turned my head to her, squinting to escape the sun’s wrath in my sore eyes.

Her face was twisted into a scowl, something I didn’t often see on her petite, pale face.

“What?” I asked, pretending not to have heard her.

“Rillia told me that you were crying last night. Why?” she repeated.

I flickered my gaze back out the windshield. “I…I just had a rough night. Too many memories for me to keep held inside for so long.”

Teniell laid her hand on my knee. “I understand,” she whispered.

I glanced at her hand hesitantly. She knew about my past and she had been there during my father’s mental break down. Teniell knew more about my life than everybody, including Rillia.

I actually revealed my feelings to Ten.

She was my own little therapist, even if Rillia was the one with a degree in psychology.

I let my eyes fall on her face. She looked at me. Our gazes met, hers soft, mine blurry.

I broke down again.

I buried my face in my hands and cried, blubbering about everything I felt, about everything I remembered and thought about last night.

Teniell just patted my back and kept driving to the book signing. Occasionally she would whisper a soothing word or ask a question about something I said, but she otherwise let me cry in peace.

That’s when she said, “You know…Tokio Hotel is having a concert at Hamburg stadium tomorrow. I have two tickets.”

I gasped. “What?”

“I was going to take my niece, but you need this more than she does.”

I began fanning my face. “Oh my god. I’ve never been to one of their concerts. I could never bring myself to see him.”

Teniell laughed. “You really have a thing for him, don’t you?”

“Yes. A thing that tortures me every day when I wake up.” I shook my head. “I think it’s love.”

“Well, love does hurt.”

“Like hell?”

“More than that.”

“Like you’re being mauled by a bear?”

“That sounds about right.”

I laughed and looked out the window. “Okay, quick question. Where on earth is the book signing?”

“Downtown at some convention building,” Teniell said with a shrug of her shoulder. “I hope we get there in time.”

I glanced at the clock in the dashboard. It was eleven. How would we be late when the convention started officially at one o’clock?

Teniell glanced at a piece of notebook paper in her lap. I raised an eyebrow at the directions someone had given her.

“You know…my Blackberry has a GPS system,” I pointed out.

Teniell sighed and tossed the piece of paper into the backseat. “Why didn’t you tell me that? Now maybe I’ll be able to find our way there.”

I laughed as I pulled my phone from my purse.

/-/-/-/

“Yes, Miss Klein. Here is your table.” The friendly, plump woman moved her hands toward the extravagant set up of all my books. Thankfully, two fold up chairs sat behind it for Teniell and myself.

“I hope you have a wonderful time at the convention,” the woman finished, and hurried away to greet the novelist beside us.

I glanced at Teniell, who was staring at a large group of barely dressed men. I made a face.

“Ew,” I whispered.

Teniell turned toward me, her eyes wide. “What is that?” she mumbled, referring to the strange group.

“It’s for one of the other novelists here. Her book has a scene that involves a group of half naked guys,” I laughed. “It’s a strange book, I have to say.”

I guess it was a good thing that I had been to the other romance conventions before this one. Novelists from everywhere came here to show off their books, get noticed, meet their fans. It just so happens this year was held in Hamburg, scheduled a few days after we moved in.

Strangely lucky, I must say.

Teniell cringed and pulled her chair up. I joined her with a sigh.

“Is this going to be boring?” Teniell questioned.

Ah. She was still a convention virgin. This was the first full convention she ever agreed to sit through with me.

“Yes. Very. So you might want to go find a book that looks good and get to reading. It makes the time go faster.” I grabbed a copy of Carnival Lights from my table and flipped it open.

Teniell eyed my book. “You read your own books to pass the time?”

“Yes. Is that odd?”

“Just a little.”

She stood up and walked off to a table across the wide open room, more than likely to retrieve a book.

I read through the first chapter quietly. The quirky, sometimes painful, antics of the main heroine had always tickled me, even while writing it. I giggled when I got to a strange incident that started with nail polish ended with stitches in the emergency room.

Teniell came back when I started on chapter two. She plopped down loudly on her chair again.

“What did you get?” I lowered my own book onto my lap to give my attention to Ten.

She lifted a black bound book called, “When The Moon Rises.” I smirked.

“Oh, you’re going to love that one,” I laughed. “It’s very sexy and romantic. Just how you like it.”

Teniell shook her head. “I don’t like romance novels.” She pursed her lips like she smelled something bad. “I only like yours.”

“Blah. Stop sucking up,” I shot. I closed my book and put it back on the table with a sigh. To be honest, I was not in the mood to be reading anything from a romance convention.

Romance was the last thing I needed to think about.

“You’re not reading anymore? Teniell asked, opening her book to the first page.

I shrugged. “I’m nod in the mood for romance.”

Teniell’s head snapped back in my direction. “Oh. Good thing you’re at a romance convention then, huh?”

I laughed dryly. “Guess you’re right.”

Teniell looked back to her book in mild interest. I watched her disgusting facial expressions for several moments before I was pulled away by a loud, distant screaming. It sounded far away, but grew closer and closer. I stood up from my chair and looked around, primarily to the front door of the building.

All I could see was a security guard pulling open the doors to let in all the fans and whatnot.

I scavenged my pen from my purse and prepared myself for the first wave.

At these conventions, it was like you were a rockstar. Groups of crazed romance readers came in waves and waves and asked you to sign their books. It was flattering, yes, but tiring.

Three girls got to me first. Each girl had a different copy of my books.

“Hello,” I smiled.

A brunette girl held out her book. “Hello. It’s so great to meet you, Miss Klein.”

I took her book and signed the front flap. I handed it back. “It’s good to meet my adoring fans.”

I signed the second girl’s book, then the third. We talked a little about random things before they moved onto a different table.

Teniell snorted loudly from behind me.

“Oh, lord! You’re kidding me!” she cackled.

I figured it was something about the book.

Seven women attacked my table next. They all gushed about my latest book, Take Me, Angel, and they were glad to know I was in Hamburg to stay. I signed all the books they had of mine.

They went to a display of Twilight.

Teniell huffed and put her book down. She stood up quickly. “I need something to drink.”

“There are a few drinks machines over by the stand of Mercy Thompson books.” I pointed to the display of books with names such as Moon Called, Blood Bound, and Iron Kissed.

Teniell nodded. “Okay. I’ll get you something, too. Oh, and while I’m gone, can you call Rillia and see if Finn is awake and everything’s okay?”

“Okay.”

She stalked off to the drink machines.

I picked my purse up and pushed some things around to find my Blackberry. Rillia picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rillia. Is Finn awake?” I asked, signing a teenaged girl’s copy of Asphyxiation.

“Yes. Would you like to talk to him?”

“Yes, please. Teniell wants me to check on him.”

“One moment.” I heard a clink as she laid the phone down.

I sighed audibly, but stopped. The screaming was back. I craned my neck to peer at the front door. The teenaged girl with Asphyxiation joined me in my searching.

“What is that?” I breathed.

“No clue,” the girl answered.

A bulky security guard was making his way to my table. Two figures followed behind them, but they were wearing hats and sunglasses, blocking their faces.

The girl beside me gasped. “Nein! Nein weg!” She obviously knew more than I did.

“Calla, do you want to talk to your son?” Rillia asked through the phone.

I lowered my head. “Um…yes. Put my ‘son' on--" I didn’t finish my sentence.

I watched as two sneaker covered feet stopped inches from me. I slowly lifted my head, expecting it to be another person with a book for me to sign. Oh, I was wrong.

The man in front of me was quite taller than myself…his hair streamed down his back. He pulled off his sunglasses to reveal beautiful brown eyes.

My legs turned weak and I had to grip the table behind me to keep from falling.

“Bill?” I whispered.

He was looking down at me, his eyes searching my face.

Was I imaging this all? Had I finally lost it? Or was he really standing in front of me in all his shocking beauty?

My hands were shaking. I wasn’t breathing…I wasn’t even moving.

“Bill?” Rillia cried. “What are you talking about?”

I ignored her.

What if this was just another one of my wild fantasies?

If it was, then I didn’t want it to end. It actually felt as if I was staring into his brown eyes; his unbelievably smoldering eyes. Damn! Why did he have to be so gorgeous?

“Billa? It’s…it’s me.”

Bill opened his mouth, but said nothing. He lifted his hand and touched my cheek. He seemed to be in just as much awe as I was.

“Calla Lily,” he mouthed silently.

“Yes,” I whimpered. “You…you…you found me.”

Suddenly his expression took on an angry flair.

I bit down on my lip.

Had I said something wrong?

All too quickly, the rest of the world came into aspect again. He twisted around, said something to the security guard, and, right before my eyes…he walked away.

But the other man that had been with him stepped into my line of vision.

“Hi, Calla.” The man from the candy store; that was his voice.

I looked up in shock. The person pulled off his hat and sunglasses, sending even more shock through me.

“Georg?” I croaked.

I was still debating on whether all this was actually happening or not.

“It’s been so long,” Georg grinned. “You have…changed.”

A ripping, torturous pain coursed through my chest. I let out a cry of agony and fell into Georg’s arms. As if he had been waiting for such a reaction, he caught me in a loving hug.

I let the tears fall, not caring, though I was surprised I still had tears to cry.

Georg petted my hair. “Calla, Calla, Calla. You haven’t changed a bit.”

I sputtered incoherently. He laughed.

“Do you want to go outside? I think you—“

“CALLA!” Oh. I had forgotten all about Teniell.

And my Blackberry.

Teniell grabbed my phone from my hand and told Rillia she would call back later.

“Uh…hi,” she said, noticing Georg.

“Hi,” Georg said, still holding me. “And you are?”

“I’m Calla’s agent, Teniell Gillian.” They shook hands. “And you’re Georg Listing, from Calla’s favorite band. OH! Is Bill here?”

I knew she said this for my benefit, but it only made me sob.

“I think we should let her get some fresh air, “Georg explained.

And I soon felt myself being carted away.

/-/-/-/

Their idea of fresh air was to head across the street to a small café and sit at one of the small black tables placed outside. Teniell ordered me a bottle of water and something else for her and Georg. I didn’t listen.

Georg slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me close. I didn’t argue. I liked the warmth he provided; it was something my life had been vacant of for so long.

I glanced up at him. Currently he and Teniell were talking in love voices about the weather and the café and…me.

Teniell saw that I was finally alive again and averted the conversation.

“Are you alright, Calla?” she whispered.

I smiled and nodded. “Yes. Sort of.”

“You really have changed,” Georg repeated.

I looked at him again. “I know…why?”

“Your hair, for one.”

I touched my head. “I grew it.”

Georg nodded. “It was at your chin last time I saw you! Now it’s practically at your ass.”

I shook my head and grabbed my water bottle from the table. I glanced at Teniell as I did so, and I saw her nodding toward Georg, a strange expression on her face.

“What?” I whispered, looking back at Georg.

He was eyeing my chest.

“And my body?” I guessed.

“Mhm. You are not the same little girl I knew five years ago,” he admitted. “You are quite the—erm—mature author.”

I giggled. “And you’re not the same dorky teenager I remember. You, my dear, are such a heartthrob. My face fell and I couldn’t stop the sentence from invading my thoughts. But he’s nothing compared to Bill.

Tension thickened the air.

I could feel is radiating off of me.

“Listen, Calla,” Georg whispered. “About what happened back there—“

“Bill hates me now,” I said solemnly.

Georg pulled away and started at me like I was a demon with three horns protruding from my forehead.

“Are you crazy?” he cried. “Where did you get that idea?”

I stuttered over my words. I didn’t know what to say.

“He…he completely snubbed me back there,” I finally choked.

Georg shook his head. “No. He’s just upset at you.”

“Why?” Teniell piped up.

“Because Calla has a son.”

“What?” I gasped. “I most certainly do not.”

“What? Yes, you do,” Georg argued.

“I do not! How would I have a son?” I questioned. “I have not had a boyfriend since I left! I haven’t had sex in five years!”

Teniell tensed at my words, and I rephrased myself.

“I mean, never. I have never had sex.”

Georg snorted and mouthed, “Smooth.”

I stuck out my tongue. “Anyway, Georg. Do you understand that I don’t have a kid?” I pressed.

“Okay, then who was that little boy you had at the grocery store?”

Teniell and I glanced at each other. Teniell looked confused, but I was grinning. Finally it set in and Teniell started smacking her hands on the table as she laughed loudly. I quickly joined in with hysterical giggles.

Bill thought Finn was my son.

Hopefully that was the only thing keeping him from being with me again.

“That’s not my son,” I guffawed. “That’s Teniell’s son!”

Georg looked taken aback. “Wh-what? No. But…but when Bill and I came up to you, when you were talking on the phone, you said something about putting your son on.”

I waved my hand around in the air, shaking my head. “Everyone calls him my son because we’re really close. But he’s not my child.”

“Oh.” Georg grinned sheepishly. “My bad.”

Teniell and my cachinnation finally came to an end after several minutes of cackling and whooping with amusement.

I pressed my hand to my chest and took a few deep breaths to gain control of myself.

Georg watched until we were completely done.

“Are you finished?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Good, because you need to talk to Bill about this.” Georg glanced at Teniell, then to the cup in front of him. “Bill misses you.”

“Calla misses him just as much,” Teniell agreed.

I lowered my eyes to my lap. I did miss him, more than either of them would ever know and more than words would ever be able to describe.

I needed to talk to talk to Bill, to set all of this straight. Maybe then everything would fall into place exactly how I wanted it.

Would all my fantasies be reality?

“Tomorrow,” I said, suddenly remembering the tickets Teniell told me about. “You’re having a concert at Hamburg stadium tomorrow, right?”

Georg nodded.

“Teniell is going to give me tickets to that concert. I can talk to Bill there!”

“Screw tickets,” Georg retorted. “I’m taking you to that concert with me. Where are you living now?”

“In our old house.”

“That’s great!” He was grinning wildly. “I’ll come pick you and Teniell up and take you to the venue with me. And since you’re going to be with me, you can stand backstage and watch the entire concert. And then you can take a chunk out of Bill’s ass and live happily ever after.”

I liked the picture he drew. If it all went smoothly and ended that fast, then I was all for it.

“Sounds perfect.” I smiled and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. “Thank you so much, Georg.”

“You are so welcome,” he stated.

Teniell’s chair scuffed against the sidewalk as she stood up. Georg and I followed in suit.

“Until tomorrow?” I smiled.

“Until tomorrow.”

We shared another warm hug.

“But before you go, I have a question for you,” I whispered.

“Oh, really? And what would that be?”

“Why were you spying on me at the mall?” I raised my eyebrow and waited to find out why he ruined my trip with Finn.

He grinned. “Bill heard you were back in town and wanted me to keep tabs on you.”

We said goodbye after two more longer-than-needed hugs and went our separate ways. Teniell lugged me back to the convention and back to my table, where we plopped down in our chairs.

“Wow,” Teniell sighed. “That was…interesting.”

“I know.” I fiddled with a string o my shirt, already feeling the nervous butterflies in my stomach for what was to come tomorrow. Oh, but I could not wait!

“And what was that about sex?”

I had been waiting for that question.

I flashed a smile at her. “Don’t tell Rillia, but things got a little carried away one night in Bill’s backyard.”

Did I mention everything perfect happened in that backyard?

“You’re kidding me!” Teniell cried. “Just what does ‘carried away’ entail?”

“We had underage sex,” I answered, not being able to hide my wide smile.

In five years, I had never been able to not stop smiling. Most of my smiles had actually been forced, hardly ever real. I forgot what they actually felt like…And it was strangely nice.

I felt…happy.

I wasn’t used to this.

And yet it seemed as if I had been doing this the entire time. There was no pain in my chest anymore. It no longer felt like I was being ripped from the inside out very slowly.

“I don’t believe you,” Teniell laughed. “You just don’t seem like that kind of person.”

I shrugged. “I was a different person back then. Bill made me…me. I was actually Calla Klein during the years we were together, and not just some weird author.”

Teniell slid her arm around my shoulders. “I’ve never seen you smile so much either. I like this side of Calla much better than the one I’ve grown to love. All the years I’ve been your agent, I’ve always wondered why you never smiled. And now I know it’s because you lost that one person that was put on this earth for you.”

It sounded like she knew from wince she spoke. Her words held so much meaning and emotion that I peeked at her saddened face.

“Teniell,” I whispered, hesitating on saying anything else.

Her eyes glittered with tears.

“Have you ever wondered where Finn’s father is?”

I was a little surprised at the question, but to tell the truth, I had often wondered why Finn’s father was never around to see his five-year-old amazing, adorable, well-behaved son grow and develop into a human being.

I had never heard Teniell mention him and I’d never seen him or anything like, but I never said anything, not wanting to intrude on matters I knew nothing about.

“Yes,” I answered quickly.

“Well, when I was fourteen, I met this amazing sixteen-year-old named Finley Gillian. He was, in all aspects, the one for me. I loved him with all my heart.” She took in a shaky breath, and I could tell this was hard for her to talk about. “We dated for a long time, and finally decided to get married when I was nineteen and he was twenty one. Around that time, he got a job as a firefighter. He was such a hero and he loved his job to death.”

I took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. I had a pretty good guess with where this was going, and I knew she would need emotional support.

“Eventually I got pregnant,” she continued. “And six months into that pregnant, I got a call saying Finley had fallen from a ladder and died on impact with the ground.”

I pressed my lips together in a tight line.

My assumptions had been right.

Teniell blinked a few tears away, letting them side down her cheek. Her grip on my hand was vice tight. “When the baby was born, I named him after Finley.”

“Finn,” I breathed.

She nodded. “That’s my baby.”

I smiled and leaned over to wrap my arms around her. “Teniell, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no. It’s okay, Calla.” Teniell pulled herself from me and smiled through her tears. “I didn’t have a choice. I had to deal with Finley being gone, but you don’t have to do that, Calla. Bill is still on this earth and you still have a chance to get to him, to have the life I never had.”

The butterflies in my stomach raged again. The life I never had. The life that I wanted. The life where we would get married and have babies and live happily, ever so happily, ever after.

/-/-/-/

I walked quietly up the stairs, Finn balanced professionally on my hip.

He was almost completely asleep with his head lying on my shoulder; his breathing was even and he sounded so absolutely peaceful.

Slowly I pushed open my bedroom door and strolled over to the bed, where I laid him down on my pillows and covered him up.

He was completely out.

I sighed and knelt down on the floor.

Teniell had decided to just spend the night at my house, since we would be leaving again anyway. She wanted to help me get ready for the concert, also, so I immediately volunteered to let Finn sleep in my bed.

I left him lying there to go to the bathroom across the hall. I combed my hair, changed into pajamas, and brushed my teeth.

When I came back, Finn was standing at my nightstand, staring at something.

“Finn, shouldn’t you be going to bed?” I asked, plopping down on the bed.

He grabbed the kissing picture of Bill and me and held it up. “Is that your best friend?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. “Yes, that is. And that’s me when I was younger.”

He put it back on the nightstand and crawled into bed. I positioned him so he was lying beside me before pulling my blankets over us. He snuggled his small body against mine and I wrapped my arms around him.

Maybe…just maybe one day I would be able to do this with a child of my own, with Bill and my son or daughter.

I silently prayed that the concert tomorrow would be a life changing one.

And I fell asleep.

Within my reverie, I relived the night of Bill and me in his backyard, in the wet grass, doing things that would have gotten us in so much trouble…

But we didn’t care.