Plight of Amour.

1:09.

The minutes slowly inched by.

Was my impatience getting to me?

Or was the clock really going at the pace of a slug.

I pushed away from the kitchen archway and looked around the living room, trying to find something to do.

I could try to find something to watch on tv.

That might pass the time until 2:00, when Bill was coming to pick me up.

I pressed my lips together and plopped down on the couch. I grabbed the remote.

1:11.

There was a show about screaming children.

No thank you. My head hurt enough.

Or there was some strange romance show.

I settled on that and put the remote on the couch beside me. I leaned backward into the plush cushions, sighing contently.

A woman was yelling at a man on the screen, but that quickly turned into them kissing madly.

I laughed dryly.

Maybe I didn’t need romance.

I had enough of that from my strange, haunting dream.

I dreamt that I told Bill I love him, and he said he could never love me again. Needless to say, I woke up and almost started screaming and crying, until I realized it hadn’t been real.

I changed the channel quietly.

I found a movie about a haunted house. It was rather creepy, actually. And had no romance, so that would be perfect!

1:16.

I tapped my fingers on my leg.

During this date, I would have to tell Bill that I still loved him, wouldn’t I?

He could be waiting for me to say something. And if I let him hanging in the dark, then he would obviously guess that I no longer cared for him.

Which was not true.

Not. At. All.

I was so madly in love with him. I had probably said this enough times in the passed two or three days to fill up an extremely long novel.

I folded my hands in my lap.

He was once madly in love with me, just as I was with him. We were meant to be. That’s why we fell in love from the moment we met when we were younger.

Rillia was convinced that he would always love me, and I had been convinced too.

But where was that confidence now?

I couldn’t find it anywhere within myself. It no longer existed. It must have died out over five long years.

I didn’t blame it.

I almost joined it in the land of the dead.

1:22.

What will you do if he doesn’t love you anymore?

I have no clue which voice asked it, but it had a reasonably good question.

I had never given thought to what would happen if he did not love me anymore. I had always run with the idea that we would be together, loving each other forever more.

It was time to face the could-be facts.

If I couldn’t be with him, loving him, then I would no doubtedly just leave Hamburg.

The thought of being in the same city as someone that I adored so much would eventually cause me to be admit myself into the nearest hospital. I would go insane.

So I would leave the country.

I would go back to America with Father, as far away as I could get from Bill.

I would miss Rillia, but she would understand.

1:28.

“Damn clock.” I turned the tv off and stood up.

I didn’t want to think about this subject any longer. It was making me very uncomfortable.

I strode outside, onto the porch, and leaned on the railing.

I couldn’t stop it.

My fantasies were coming back at full power.

Bill and I were back under that streetlamp in the dark, from the dream.

“I love you, Bill,” I whispered.

Abruptly Bill pulled completely away from me, giving me a look that suggested I had the plague.

I made a face. “Bill, what’s wrong?”

“Calla…I…I don’t know if I love you anymore.” He shook his head, backing away down the sidewalk.

“Why?” I cried. “No, you said you would love me forever! What happened to that promise?!”

“Five years has changed me, Calla. I don’t feel the same when I look at you. I am terribly sorry.”

I knew this fantasy was fueled by my worst nightmares, but it still hurt. The ripping in my chest was back.

“But, Bill…I still love you!” I shrieked, reaching out to him, but he was too far away. “You can’t just leave me.”

“You’ll find someone else.”

“No, I can’t!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs by now. “I only love you! You’re the only one for me, Bill! Please don’t leave me!”

I fell onto the sidewalk, begging him to stay.

But he disappeared into the night.

“NO!” I screamed. “NO, DON’T LEAVE ME!”

“What? Calla, I’m not leaving you!”

I jolted back into reality. I was on my knees on the porch and Bill was crouched in front of me, gripping my shoulders.

“Calla, are you alright?” he asked.

I blinked rapidly and struggling to suck in a breath. “Yes…Yes. I’m alright.”

Bill looked doubtful.

“You looked really scared,” Bill whispered, pulling me to him. “But it looked like you weren’t all the way here.”

“I was daydreaming,” I said quickly. “I—I’ve been—doing that a lot—since I left.”

Bill slowly stood up, taking me with him.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the sleeve of my jacket.

“You’re rather pale,” Bill responded, furrowing his eyebrows. “Maybe we should let you get fresh air on our date.”

I nodded, not wanting to talk at the current moment.

Bill led me off the porch and to the car sitting in the driveway. I focused my eyes just enough to notice it was the black Aston Martin from before.

I just shook my head and slid into the passenger’s seat.

Bill got in after and glanced over at me as I leaned my head backward, breathing rather loudly.

“Where are we going?” I whispered, staring out the windshield at the passing houses.

“Our park.”

Of course.

/-/-/-/

Bill interlaced our fingers as we walked up from the parking lot.

We probably shouldn’t be outside; the sky was growing increasingly dark above our heads and it smelled like rain. The wind was cold as well.

“It’s raining somewhere close,” I whispered, watching our hands.

“It’s okay,” Bill murmured. “It won’t rain for a while.”

I sighed.

When I pictured our first date in five years, I pictured it to be so much different, so much less awkward.

We didn’t even speak the entire car ride to the park.

But I think I was okay with it.

Just being in his presence was good enough for me.

Bill pointed his index finger to our table. “Our table.”

“Mhm.” I grinned up at him. “Let’s go!”

I dragged him toward the table. He laughed, but didn’t protest to me leading him. I came to a stop at the table and turned around to face him.

Bill slid his arms around my waist. “Calla,” he breathed, leaning toward me. “I have missed you so much.”

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” I whispered, putting my arms around his neck. “Oh, and you look amazing now.”

“You look even more amazing, my Engel.”

He lifted me up so I was sitting on the picnic table. His hands remained on my hips.

I smiled brightly. “I missed kissing you.”

His beautiful eyes lit up. “That was something I missed the most.”

I leaned forward, closer to him. “Then kiss me. I’m right here.”

And he crushed our lips together.

I tangled my hands in his gorgeous hair, just like in all the fantasies. It had been something I had wanted to do for so long, but yesterday hadn’t been the right time to do so.

When his lips left mine to take a quick breath, he whispered, “Calla.” But he joined our mouths back together before I could say anything back.

I pulled him much closer, intensifying it even more.

I was gasping and panting for breath by the time we pulled apart.

He pressed his forehead against mine and I put my hands on either side of his face.

“Oh, Bill,” I whispered, breathing heavily. “You’re…amazing.”

“So are you,” Bill contradicted, panting as well.

I smiled gently. “I love you.”

Oh…no…

I did not just let that slip from my mouth.

Bill removed himself from me, an unreadable expression on his face. I let my hands drop onto my lap.

“Did I say something wrong?” I whispered.

Bill didn’t speak.

I knew it! my bad voice screamed. I told you he didn’t love you anymore.

Okay. my good voice said, just as surprised as me. Calla, just walk away.

I hopped off the picnic table and started striding the opposite direction of him.

It was completely silent behind me. Figures. My once knight in shining armor wasn’t even chasing after me.

“Calla!”

I ignored him.

Like I had decided before, if I couldn’t love him, I would leave. I was moving.

I wanted nothing to do with him if I couldn’t have him.

And I was sticking by that.

“Calla, wait!”

“No!” I screamed. “I won’t wait! You don’t love me anymore!”

I broke into a run.

I had always been faster than him; there was no way he could catch me.

I hurried through the thick trees of the park, only occasional tripping on roots or trash cans, and eventually jumped out onto the sidewalk.

I knew exactly how to get home from the park. I could find it in the pitch black dark of night, with my eyes closed, with my hands tied behind my back, and my legs broken.

This place was not foreign to me in the least.

I ran through the town, passing people who yelled and called me vicious things. I ignored it, because I could feel my chest ripping apart and the tears were not that far off. I only needed to get home…

I don’t know how long I had been running, but I finally turned down my street.

Thankfully, Bill’s car was no where to be seen.

I burst into my house and dropped to the floor. I curled myself up into a tight ball.

I opened my mouth and let out an ear splitting scream.

/-/-/-/

Rillia came home six hours later, at eight o’clock.

And I had not moved an inch.

“Calla!” she cried, falling to the floor in front of me. “What happened?”

“Bill doesn’t love me anymore,” I whispered.

Rillia gasped. “What the hell are you talking about?!”

“I told him I loved him,” I wailed. “And he…he…”

I could not bring myself to continue.

Rillia pulled me into her arms and held me against her, rocking me back and forth gently.

“I am so sorry, Calla,” she whispered. “I didn’t think this would happen.”

I nodded, sobbing.

I don’t think anyone thought this would happen.