Random Days of the Marauders

James was bored. Lily was at the headboy/girl meeting, his friends were nowhere in sight, and he could not find anything to entertain himself. He decided to take a stroll down the corridors and see if there was anything interesting going on. When he reached the second floor, he did find something.

Sirius was in the hallway outside one of the classes and he was pelvic thrusting the air. Curious little James decided to ask his friend what on earth was he doing.

"Pads? What the HELL are you doing?" James demanded. Sirius continued to thrust the air.

"Well," he began, turning his head slightly towards James. "I heard from a few Gryffindors that pelvic thrusting would help you give birth."

James stared at him, dumbfounded.

"If that statement were true, Pads," James said, grinning. "I'm pretty sure it was meant for women. Because you know, men don't give birth."

"You know, I AM helping the woman have the baby," Sirius started. "So that means I COULD be helping her give birth!"

"It doesn't work like that," James informed him. "It only helps women."

"Well, we did have that sex change, Prongs!" Sirius pointed out. James couldn't help but laugh and shake his head.

Sirius began making a beatbox-noise to the beat of his pelvic thrust.

"Mmmsis!" he rang. "Mmmsis! Mmmsis, mmmsis, mmmsis!"

"PLEASE stop that!" James said through his laughter.

"No," he refused. "This is actually really good exercise. You should see the sweat sliding down my back! Come on, Prongs! Try it with me!"

"You DID say it was exercise," James said thoughtfully. "I guess I could do it for a little bit…"

"That's the spirit!" Sirius cheered. "Come on! Join in the pelvic thrusting jubilee!"

James looked around to see if anyone was around; which there wasn't. He sighed, stood next to Sirius, and began pelvic thrusting the air.

"JAMES POTTER!" a high-pitched, yet familiar, voice yelled from the hallway. Lily emerged into the corridor with a furious look on her face.

James immediately stopped what he was doing and ran to her.

"Lily!" he cried out as he wrapped in her in a big bear hug. "How good to see you! Would you like to join in our pelvic thrusting jubilee?"

"…" she stared at him for a second and James could see her cheeks growing red. "I, um, I mean, no! James, what are you doing?"

"Exercising!" Sirius answered for him. He waved happily at the two.

Lily removed herself from James and smacked him on the head.

"Ow!" he yelled. "What was that for?"

"For listening to him!" she answered, and pointed over at Sirius who waved back.

"It's just exercise!" James said quietly, looking bashfully down at the floor.

"To you, and him, it may be! But to others, like those girls down there," she began and pointed down the hall where a couple of girls were giggling. "It's something completely different!"

"Like what?" James asked skeptically. Lily's eyes narrowed. The little light bulb went off in his head.

"Oh!" he said slowly in realization. "You mean, baum chicka wai wai?"

"Yes, if you'd like to put it that way," Lily said disgusted, rolling her eyes. "Is this what you've been doing instead of the headboy/girl meeting?"

"No…" James mumbled, looking down again.

"Well, you better show up for NEXT week's meeting," Lily warned him, crossing her arms. "Or next time they might kick you out."

"Me?" he asked, disgusted. "Why would they kick ME out? McGonagle loves me!"

"Just watch it, Potter," she growled.

"You know, I don't even know why they made me headboy," James wondered aloud, scratching his chin. "I'm surprised it wasn't Moony."

"James," Lily began seriously. "Look at you. You're smart (when you want to be), popular, good-looking-"

"Good-looking, eh?" James asked smugly, folding his arms. Lily rolled her eyes.

"And people listen to you," she finished, controlling her temper.

"It's not like people don't listen to Moo-oh wait, never mind, you're right," James admitted, smiling admiringly at the fiery red-head.

"What're you looking at, Potter?" Lily demanded, her cheeks growing red again.

"Just admiring how smart you are!" James told her lovingly.

"Go shove your head in a toilet," she mumbled.

"Anything for you, my love!"

"Oi, Jamsie," Sirius yelled. James and Lily had forgotten all about him. "You two done squabbling yet?"

"Do you even know what squabbling means?" Lily asked him pointedly.

Sirius didn't reply.

"Your stupidity astounds me," Lily continued.

Sirius said nothing, but just looked at her.

"You don't even know what astounds means, do you?"

"Sure I do!" Sirius yelled, shaking his fist in the air. He was still pelvic thrusting. "It means your….ass weighs a ton!"

"Not asston, you moron!" Lily moaned, rubbing her temples. James grinned. "I've lost enough brain cells for one day. James, be sure to show up next week. Or else!"

She stormed away down the corridor without a backwards glance.

"…bitch…" Sirius mumbled. James responded by punching Sirius in the nose.

********

"Ow! James!" Sirius moaned as he climbed down the steps. He was hunched over and he was walking very cautiously. "I think I pulled a pelvic muscle!"

He plopped down onto the couch next to his friend and continued to moan and complain.

"I told you, you should've stopped when I did!" James sang, kicking Sirius onto the floor. He moaned again even louder.

Sirius stood up and put his butt right up to James's face.

"What're you doing?" James asked, a little scared.

"Kiss it," Sirius commanded. "Kiss it and make it better."

"No!" James yelled pushing his friends butt away. "Get your butt out of my face!"

"No, you get your face out of my butt," Sirius replied, bringing his butt even closer to his friend's face.

James brought his foot up and kicked it extremely hard. Sirius shrieked and collapsed onto the floor.

"My ass!" he cried out, his voice mumbled due to the fact that his face was in the carpet. "My sexy little ass! I KNEW you were always jealous of my ass!"

"Nobody cares about your ass, Sirius," Moony said emotionlessly as he climbed in through the portrait hole with Peter in tow.

"What about Sirius's a- I mean, butt?" Peter asked curiously, sitting down in Sirius's previous spot.

"Nothing," James answered, grinning. "Why won't you say the word, ass, Wormtail?"

Peter looked down.

"It's a swear word and I'm not allowed to swear," he mumbled. James grinned again, this time with an evil look in his eyes.

"Hey Wormy," James began. "Want to play a rhyming game?"

"Sure!" Peter answered brightly. "What's the word?"

"Duck."

"Ok, Cluck? Buck? Luck?" Wormtail began listing off words that rhymed with duck. "Muck? Huck? How about Fuck?"

James laughed as Peter clamped his hands over his mouth.

"Oh god!" Peter yelled, rolling onto the floor. "I said the f-word! The F-WORD!"

Even Sirius had gotten up to laugh. Moony grinned a bit.

"Leave Peter alone," Moony commanded, regaining his composure. "Peter, ignore them."

"THE F-WORD!" Peter continued to shriek.

"Oh, come off it Pete!" Sirius told him. "It's just a swear word."

"It wasn't just a swear word!" Peter cried out. "It was the F-WORD!"

"Yeah, we got that bit," James chuckled.

"It's ok, Peter," Remus began to soothe. "We won't tell anyone."

"IT'LL BE ON MY CONSCIENCE FOR FOREVER!"

"You'll get used to it," Sirius informed him.

"Sirius, you have no conscience," Moony said.

"No, of course I do!" Sirius retorted. "It's that little hangy-ball thing in the back of your throat."

"No, that's your uvula," Moony corrected, rubbing his temples.

"Close enough," Padfoot replied, shrugging his shoulders. "So I was thinking, maybe we could pull another prank on Snivellus."

"I'm always up for destroying Snivellus's self-esteem," James hollered, clapping his hands together. "What's it today?"

"Not today, but tomorrow," Sirius began. "We're all going to wake up at four thirty in the morning, sneak down to the dungeons, and then set a trap that'll dump water balloons on them when they wake up."

"That's it?" Moony said. "Normally, I'm against this sort of thing, but that is disappointing."

"I wasn't finished," Sirius snapped. "The water balloons are not going to have just water in them, but also baby grindylows!"

"Where're going to find baby grindylows?" Peter asked curiously, trying to think of a way they could find some."

"I'm sure the lake has them SOMEWHERE," Sirius said, throwing his arms up in the air. "Who's up for it?"

Peter and James raised his hands. Sirius jumped up in the air triumphantly.

"Let's get a good night's sleep so we can wake up on time for the prank, ok?" Sirius asked them all. They shook their heads. "Good. Good night then!"

He skipped up the stairs happily. Moony looked at the two other's smiling faces.

"You're not getting up that early, are you?"

"Nope." said James.

"Nuh uh." said Peter.

"That's what I thought."