Is this the End or Just the Start?

If there's one thing I know for sure, it's how to flatter a girl.
Obviously, because I am one.

Step one: Chocolate.
In Nat's case Lindor.
Check.

Step Two: Tell them how pretty they are.
I can suck up easy.
How do you think I get by school with doing barely any work?
Exactly.
No problem.

But not talking for a month calls for more than just flattery.
Step 3:
So I went into the back of my closet and dug up some old photos and notes we passed in class.
"OmGz wE R gOiNg 2 b BeSt FrAnS 4EvA!" and that kind of stuff.
I know Nat.
And she is sentimental.
Seeing those things should help break her.

Step 4:
Call Josh.
Get him to mention me to Nat.
Make her feel guilty, make her miss me.
Whatever.
And despite everything, Josh said he'd do it.
He really is nice.
I'm actually glad he's with Nat.
He'll be good to her.
And she's good for him.

Step 5:
Get Nate to mention me to Nat.
Double the influence.
Check.

Step 6:
Give Nat that sweater I love that she's always lusting after.
It's a sacrifice but it's worth it.

Step 7:
Pray she forgives me?

Maybe it's expecting too much, maybe it's not.
I'm not so much worried that she's too mad because of the fight.
I'm more worried because from what I can tell she's FINE.
She's fine without me.
Her life has gone on.
She's moved on.
And that scares me.
That scares me a lot.
I can't lose people.
And if those goes on any longer, I know I will be losing her.

So I got my stuff all together, called Nate to make sure that Nat would be home and ventured over.

I've never been so nervous to see someone in my life.

I got out of my car, bribes in hand.

Walked up the front porch.

...

Knocked on the door.

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

Opened.

Nat.
She looks the same but also completely different.
Happier maybe.
More sad at the same time.
Maybe I'm imagining that because I want her to miss me.
She doesn't slam the door in my face.

"Oh. Kat. Hi. Nate's upstairs..."
"Actually I came to see you," I tell her. "Can we talk?"
"Uh, yeah, Sure. My room?"

I follow her up the stairs.
Past Nate's room.
I see him inside listening to music on his ipod and kinda dancing around a bit.
My heart speeds up even more.
He can probably hear it even over his music.

God, how did I not used to notice how cute he is?
And when he smiles and gives me a little wave, that's it.
I'm done.
I decide right there that I need to tell him how I feel and soon.

But whatever, one sibling at a time.

We get to Nat's room and she sits on her bed.

I had this whole speech planned out in my head and I was going to be totally mature about this.
But after everything that's happened this summer, I just have a totaly mental breakdown.
Waterworks.
Yeah, mature.

"OHNATI'MSOSORRY. I never meant to hit on Josh! I was just sad and desperate and lonely and confused and blind. I thought he liked me and I was just being lame! And I'm sorry I was so self-centered. I'm a horrible person, I know. And I know I don't deserve your friendship but I brought you chocolate, and my sweater and I really miss you and I love you and I'm so happy you're with Josh, but I'm so not happy that we're not together as friends I mean not lovers, I'm in love with Nate, well maybe not love but I'm in like and yeah. I MISS YOU."

Nat sat there and blinked.

Silence.

Oh gawd, why did I not use the mature speech.

Finally she broke into a smile.
"YOU LIKE NATE!?" she whisper-squealed.

"Yeah. But...do you forgive me?"
"Well obviously! Besties for life remember? Now give me my chocolate."

We sat there for two hours eating chocolate and filling each other in on everything that had happened.
I can't believe I was so worried.
It was like we were never mad.
We both missed each other so much that it just took one little thing for us to be back to bffls.
And thank god for that.

Secret Part 2 of my plan:
Get Nate.

Now this was actually harder.
I could not for the life of me think of how to do it.
I spent hours and hours trying to decide exactly the right way to show him that I had finally opened my eyes and seen what was right there all along.
He was there.
And he was amazing.

So.
Plan:
I couldn't tell him to his face.
After Aiden, I'm just not that brave anymore.
And it's lame to get Nat to do it.
And I'd rather kill myself than sink to saying it on facebook.
So I'm going to do it in the only way that seems right to me.
I made him a mix cd:

Track 1: "What we do"- The Failing Farewell
Take a chance, take a chance now baby.

Track 2: "Even Fairy Tale Characters Would be Jealous" -PlayRadioPlay!
So sappy. If he doesn't get the hint, I'll smack him.

Track 3: "Buy you a drank (cover)"- Nickasaur!
Lmao.

Track 4: "Piano Lessons Can be Murder"- Dr Acula
That's just there so I don't completely scare him to death with the force of my like.

Track 5: "You Had Me at Hello"- A Day to Remember
Sappy, sappy, sappy.

Track 6: "The Saltwater Room"- Owl City
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home.

Track 7: "All That You Need"- The Ay Cad
It's obvious I'm obviously infatuated with you.

Track 8: "Wires and the Concept of Breathing"- A Skylit Drive
Because I'm also in love with the lead singer of this band, and he needs to accept that my heart will also always belong to Jag.

Track 9: "Heartbeat"- Stereo Skyline
Terribly sappy.

Track 10: "The Start of Something"- Voxtror
Is this the end or just the start of something really, really beautiful; wrapped up and disguised as something really, really ugly.

Because that's what this whole situation has been.
Aiden, Josh, all of it.
A secret blessing to show me that I've been disregarding what should matter the most.

And yeah, maybe it's just a mix tape.
And it's not some great proclamation of love.
And it's not me showing up at his house in lingerie.
And maybe it won't work.
But maybe it will.
Because if there's one thing I've learned from all this, it's that you got to take chances.
Sure sometimes you get burned.
But sometimes it's worth the risk.

So I wrapped up the mix tape.
And attached a sticky note: Read between the very obvious lines. Love, Kat"
and slipped it under his door on my way out.

And what's next?
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
One thing's for sure though.
This isn't the end.
It's just the start.