Broken Hearts May Have Their Doubts

"I can't do this anymore, Bliss, I'm so sorry. I just miss you too much. I can't stand not being with you constantly. I know it hurts now, but you'll be fine, I know you will. I love you, I'm sorry."

I reached across lazily, opening my eyes when I felt air, and not another body laid beside me. Why can I remember all his speech? Those final words that ended it all. Then he walked away, leaving me to break down.

"Bliss!" Libby called, I knew she was standing on the other side of my bedroom door. Little Miss Insomniac couldn't sleep and so she decided to keep me up.

"What?" I asked, moodily. I curled up and closed my eyes again, waiting for sleep to take over so I wouldn't have to talk to her and hear about her stupid sleep disorder. It's not my fault she's stressed.

My bedroom door creaked open and I heard her step inside and close the door again. She probably plonked herself down on the floor. I don't really care, she can sit there all night if she likes. Of course she'll have to pay me some form of rent, she isn't getting away that quickly.

"I'm sorry, about before. I should've asked if you wanted to come," she said.

I opened one eye. "Apology accepted, now please go and wake Harmony up for once. I don't know why you wake me up, you know I'll just be in a mood with you, whereas Miss Spiritual Crystals and what not will probably welcome you with open arms and give you a crystal."

"Ah, but my dear Bliss, you know the history of my relationship with Matt, and Harmony doesn't. I haven't got the time or patience to fill her in on every single detail."

"Right," I sat myself up, plumping up my pillow behind my back and pulling my knees up towards my chest, "get it over with."

"I miss him. I know he's miserable, Sacha told me so, and - "

"Sacha? How does she know? Their on tour, right? Or is Maxie boy filling her in on all the gossip?"

She shook her head. "Sacha's gone along with them. That's another reason I bought the tickets, so we could see her again. It's been too long."

I sighed. "I know. I'll admit I miss her like mad, even though she drives me up the wall when she's around."

Libby smiled. "I miss the old days. Have you heard anything from Polly lately?"

I nodded. "Rhys ditched her for a stripper, so now she's going to be with her mum and dad in Ibiza, they're setting up the pub there now, so they want to rope her in to help."

She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair. "Maybe we could get you and Josh back together, y'know it was one of their gigs and a puking incident that brought you together in the first place."

I pulled my duvet over my face. "You just had to bring that up again!"

She giggled and I pushed the duvet away, allowing me to breathe easier. "I know, but it's true. Admit it Bliss, you aren't over him, you miss him like crazy and you want him back. You want to kiss him, hug him, hold his hand and various other things that I really don't wanna know about."

I sighed dreamily and shrugged. "But he doesn't want me," I felt my throat begin to close up and I began to fold the duvet cover up slightly, trying to swallow hard to avoid any tears tonight. He didn't deserve it.

"You don't know that. What if he still loves you? I know the distance thing is hard, but look at Sacha and Max? Miss I-Don't-Do-Serious-Relationships and Max! I mean come on the boy hardly looks like he could keep a goldfish alive for two seconds, never mind last two and a half years with Sacha."

"I know, but it's different for them. I dunno, Libs. The only thing I know is that I'm certainly not over Josh Franceschi. Is that pathetic of me, after all this time?"

She shook her head. "No. It's not. It's only been four months, Bliss. You two were serious, first love and everything, so it's to be expected. I really do think you could give it another shot. See how he reacts at the gig, and take it from there." She pushed herself up to her feet and sighed. "I need to go anyway, I've got like six assignments to have done for tomorrow."

I smiled weakly. "Good luck with that one."

"Night Bliss." She left the room quietly and crept across to her own.

I sighed heavily and looked across to my full length mirror. A couple of photographs of myself and Josh were still selotaped to the top of it. I shook my head at them, staring at his face.

"No, I'm certainly not over you, Josh," I said, quietly, before settling down and falling into an uneasy sleep.