I'll take your love.
Regret Nothing.
I stayed in bed for the next couple of days. Oli was no longer here. He was far away in the U.S. and he didn't care about me. He didn't even care about our son. How could I have been so stupid and naive. Sam had come down and she was helping me with Julian. Actually she was doing everything while I lay in bed crying over nothing. I needed to be stronger than this but I didn't know how I could. Oli is gone. The words floated in and out of my head all day and I was getting tired of it.
"Can we talk?" Sam asked coming into the guest room. I nodded and started playing with the hem of the blanket. "Bailey Carter, get over it. Oliver is stupid and I'm sick of seeing you beat yourself up over him. You thought he was different, but he has proved himself over and over again. In fact he did it earlier today."
"What?" I looked up into her eyes.
"I looked up what Bring me the Horizon was doing and got some show they were on. It's Steven's rock show, or whatever. I want you to watch it."
I nodded and she left the laptop on the bed. It was already opened up to the page and everything, all I had to do was click play. I sat it on my lap and pushed the play button. I just wanted to get it over with. When the video started playing it was all of the guys and the host. I smiled as I saw Oli's familiar face. I had missed it so much in the short time since I had seen him.
"So Oli, Right?" The guy known as Steven asked. Oli nodded to confirm that was his name and the guy continued. "The girls are crazy about you. What do you think it is?" Oli let out a chuckle and smiled. "Well it's my hair." He shrugged. "I mean looked at all of us. We have the best hair." Steven laughed and asked him the question that broke my heart. "So all the ladies want to know if your single?" Oli looked into the camera and for a moment I thought he was going to tell the truth. "Absolutely. I'm a free man, and always will be. I don't want the whole family thing. At least not yet."
I turned it off. I couldn't watch anymore. It just hurt so much that he was denying me. I got up from bed and got ready. I wasn't going to lay in bed and weep over Oli anymore. He picked his path, and that was one without his son and girlfriend. I took his answer as a break up. I was free as of today. I no longer belonged to Oli, and for the people who had known that I was with Oli, I would deny it. Two could play the game that Oli started.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked as she sat Julian down.
"Nothing." I shrugged and picked him back up. "I just think I'll take Julian out to the park. Maybe go get something to eat. Want to come with us?"
"Sure." She said grabbing her purse.
She seemed happy to see me out doing things, but I could also sense that she was worried. Worried that I was only doing this for a bad reason. And In a way I was, but I didn't care what others thought. I would find away to screw up everything Oli had. He may have left us behind but we wouldn't be forgotten. I would deny Julian was his son, and see how he felt about that.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too
We were eating at a fast food place. Sam had been talking to me about the interview and how they were going to be back on tomorrow. I thought about how funny it would be if Steven got a tip about Julian and myself. How would Oli find his way out of that question? I would figure out the number and call when I got home. Sam didn't seem to be happy about my thought, but she didn't try to talk me out of it.
"Are you sure?" She asked as I put Julian in his car seat.
"Yes." I got in the passenger seat. "Oli has hurt me over and over again. He deserves everything I'm about to do. Do you know what it feels like for someone you love to act like you don't exist? What hurts even more is that he acts like our son doesn't exist and he does. So yes, I am positive."
"Okay." She started the car. "I just don't want you to do something you may regret."
"I've done things I thought I would regret, but they turned out to be miracles. Just like Julian. I regretted him so much before he was born, and I can't even imagine life without him now."
She nodded. I was glad that she understood me. That someone I knew would actually give me a chance to do what I wanted. I did feel bad about doing this to Oli, but he deserved it. I wanted him to lose the same thing I lost. He probably thought we would be waiting when he got home. I wanted him to learn on television that we wouldn't. I was going to leave my name with the tip. That way Steven told him who it was from.
"Can we talk?" Sam asked coming into the guest room. I nodded and started playing with the hem of the blanket. "Bailey Carter, get over it. Oliver is stupid and I'm sick of seeing you beat yourself up over him. You thought he was different, but he has proved himself over and over again. In fact he did it earlier today."
"What?" I looked up into her eyes.
"I looked up what Bring me the Horizon was doing and got some show they were on. It's Steven's rock show, or whatever. I want you to watch it."
I nodded and she left the laptop on the bed. It was already opened up to the page and everything, all I had to do was click play. I sat it on my lap and pushed the play button. I just wanted to get it over with. When the video started playing it was all of the guys and the host. I smiled as I saw Oli's familiar face. I had missed it so much in the short time since I had seen him.
"So Oli, Right?" The guy known as Steven asked. Oli nodded to confirm that was his name and the guy continued. "The girls are crazy about you. What do you think it is?" Oli let out a chuckle and smiled. "Well it's my hair." He shrugged. "I mean looked at all of us. We have the best hair." Steven laughed and asked him the question that broke my heart. "So all the ladies want to know if your single?" Oli looked into the camera and for a moment I thought he was going to tell the truth. "Absolutely. I'm a free man, and always will be. I don't want the whole family thing. At least not yet."
I turned it off. I couldn't watch anymore. It just hurt so much that he was denying me. I got up from bed and got ready. I wasn't going to lay in bed and weep over Oli anymore. He picked his path, and that was one without his son and girlfriend. I took his answer as a break up. I was free as of today. I no longer belonged to Oli, and for the people who had known that I was with Oli, I would deny it. Two could play the game that Oli started.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked as she sat Julian down.
"Nothing." I shrugged and picked him back up. "I just think I'll take Julian out to the park. Maybe go get something to eat. Want to come with us?"
"Sure." She said grabbing her purse.
She seemed happy to see me out doing things, but I could also sense that she was worried. Worried that I was only doing this for a bad reason. And In a way I was, but I didn't care what others thought. I would find away to screw up everything Oli had. He may have left us behind but we wouldn't be forgotten. I would deny Julian was his son, and see how he felt about that.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too
We were eating at a fast food place. Sam had been talking to me about the interview and how they were going to be back on tomorrow. I thought about how funny it would be if Steven got a tip about Julian and myself. How would Oli find his way out of that question? I would figure out the number and call when I got home. Sam didn't seem to be happy about my thought, but she didn't try to talk me out of it.
"Are you sure?" She asked as I put Julian in his car seat.
"Yes." I got in the passenger seat. "Oli has hurt me over and over again. He deserves everything I'm about to do. Do you know what it feels like for someone you love to act like you don't exist? What hurts even more is that he acts like our son doesn't exist and he does. So yes, I am positive."
"Okay." She started the car. "I just don't want you to do something you may regret."
"I've done things I thought I would regret, but they turned out to be miracles. Just like Julian. I regretted him so much before he was born, and I can't even imagine life without him now."
She nodded. I was glad that she understood me. That someone I knew would actually give me a chance to do what I wanted. I did feel bad about doing this to Oli, but he deserved it. I wanted him to lose the same thing I lost. He probably thought we would be waiting when he got home. I wanted him to learn on television that we wouldn't. I was going to leave my name with the tip. That way Steven told him who it was from.