I Love You, Is That So Wrong? Unfortunately, Yes

“Mikey…”

“G… Gee?”

“I can’t have you.”

“Huh? What’re you talking about?”

“Don’t act dumb, you shouldn’t love me that way.”

“Wait… how did you know about that?”

“I’m your brother, how should I not know? I’m sorry Mikey but… we can’t live together if you’re going to be like this…”

“But… but why? What’s wrong Gerard?”

“This is what’s wrong Mikey, you love me in a disgusting way, it’s unacceptable to the public.”

“So you think I’m disgusting?! Just because I love you so much it hurts being your brother?!”

“Mikey… ugh, you just don’t get it do you?!”

“Gerard…”

“You can’t love me this way! And if you’re going to act this way then I can’t help but move out of this house! If I’m going to be a brother to such a guy than I don’t ever want to see your face again!”

“Gerard… no, Gee please! Don’t leave! I beg you!”

“Goodbye Mikey.”

“GERARD!”

Mikey’s Point-of-View:

Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep… click.

“Stupid noisy little…” I muttered as I switched off the beeping digital alarm clock next to my bed that had woken me up from my slumber. But then maybe I should thank that annoying thing for saving me from crying in that dream again, why are these things happening to me? These dreams show tell me that I like my brother not as a brother but as some kind of homosexual crush or something… that can’t be true… right?

But then these dreams keep on coming, it’s like it’s going to happen. Me falling in love with my own brother, him rejecting me and abandoning me because of it, and then I end up as a total wreck for having confessed my feelings that were ‘unacceptable to the public’. I shake these thoughts off as I get up from my bed and get ready for the day.

When I’m done with all the hygiene crap and get dressed in some decent clothes I walk down the stairs and head straight for the kitchen, it seems I was the first to wake up… again.

“Gerard… I swear to God that you’ll be dead when I find out you’ve been drinking again last night…” I said to myself. He’s always going out drinking, leaving me mostly alone in the house worrying the shit out of me until he gets home all wasted. Last night he just said he was just going to hang with some pals, no drinking, no nothing. Of course, I trust my older brother, but then there are times when he just gets so… grr… I don’t even want to talk about it. So I slept through that night, but not peacefully, I mean come on, who could sleep well when someone dreams about falling in love with their own brother and getting rejected just like a piece of crap?

I prepare some coffee and take a seat, letting the sweet aroma of it relax me a bit. At times like these I hate being alone, because being alone makes me think of… things…

Like that dream for example.

What if it was actually true? Maybe I do like Gerard… not as a brother but as a…

I shake my head to get rid of these kinds of thoughts, it’s disturbing me, I shouldn’t let that get in the way of our performance today. If I screw up then everything’s screwed up. But then… I’m just the bassist anyway… not as important as the guitarists… the drummer… especially the vocalist… maybe if I screwed up no one would notice? I mean, I don’t even provide background vocals. I may be the vocalist’s younger brother but I’m nothing like Benji Madden who sings backup for his brother Joel. Ray’s probably better of, even with the fuzzy ‘do.

I couldn’t exactly scream as much as Frankie screams either. I have asthma. Damn asthma. Maybe that’s why they don’t let me sing? That maybe my asthma would get in the way? They’re underestimating me, but then things happen. Maybe if I didn’t have asthma I would be singing with my brother as much as Ray does? Maybe I’d scream better than Frankie?

Wait. Stop.

I’m comparing and contrasting myself to my bandmates, no, not my bandmates, my friends.

Gah, I really hate being alone.

I take a sip of my coffee to erase all the thoughts that had just entered my head, only to get my tongue nearly burnt off since it was still pretty hot.

“Ah! Damn!” I cursed as I put my mug back down without spilling its contents and start fanning my burning tongue.

“You all right Mikey?” I hear someone say; only to find that it was obviously just my brother who had just woken up, you could tell by how messy his hair was.

“I’m fine… I just burnt my tongue…” I reply to him. I watch as Gerard made his way to the fridge and got out a pitcher of water and a glass from the cupboard. He poured some in the glass and placed the pitcher on the counter as he approached me. He sat next to me and made me face him.

“Open your mouth.” he said.

“W-what?” I said, trying to get dirty thoughts from invading my mind.

“Just open it.” he said again. Not exactly sure what he was going to do I just did what he told me to do and opened my mouth to expose what was within, of course there wasn’t much, just some gums, a bunch of teeth and a tongue that was still painfully burning (wow, coffee must’ve been that hot.). Next thing I knew he poured the glass of water in my mouth, giving my tongue a cooling sensation. But then also making a mess. I push his hand away a little only for some to spill on my pants in… that area.

“Ah Gee! Look what you made me do! I could’ve just drunk the water by myself.” I told him as I get up, I see him just shrug as he grabs my mug.

“I felt like I wanted to do it myself.” he said.

“I’m not a kid anymore.” I said, I start to walk out of the kitchen to change into another pair of pants when I bump into Frankie, who just comes in whenever he wants to without knocking. Talk about being rude.

“Morning guys!” he said, and then he just had to notice the area on my pants that was wet. “Mikey… aren’t you too old to wet your pants?” he implied jokingly, of course I didn’t laugh, there were times where his jokes were funny and times where they just weren’t to laugh about. Since I’m in such a mood right now, I didn’t find it funny. I just rolled my eyes and went ahead upstairs, ignoring him.

Gerard’s Point-Of-View:

I just sit there and watch my brother being attacked by one of Frankie’s bad jokes again. It seems he was in a bad mood that time since he rolled his eyes and pushed Frankie aside like that, is it because I spilled the water on him? Nah, it’ll take more than that to piss Mikey off. Something’s bothering him, and I intend to find out what.

“Geez, what’s up with him?” Frankie said as he sits on a chair next to mine, I just shrug as he starts to talk about something I wasn’t really paying attention to. My head seemed to be so focused on Mikey these days, true he’s my brother but… this is just ridiculous. Half consciously and half unconsciously I take a sip of the coffee which is actually Mikey’s, his lips are so warm…

“Hellooooooooooo! Anyone in there?” Frankie said, waving a hand in front of me. I snap out of that trance and turn to the dude next to me.

“Oh, sorry about that Frankie, did you say something?” I asked.

“Well, let me repeat it since you weren’t paying any attention to what I was saying.” Frankie said.

“Hey I said I was sorry.” I said.

“Yeah, yeah, anyway, the show’s canceled today.” I blink my eyes at him, the show? Canceled? What the fuck?

“What the fuck?” I couldn’t help but plagiarize my thoughts.

“Knew you’d say that, anyway, since we don’t have a show today I thought, maybe you, me and the other guys should hang out in your place, you know, have a sleepover?” Frankie said.

“Wait, wait, wait, you didn’t tell me why the show was canceled yet.” I said, trying to catch up with the guitarist.

“Pfft, do I look like the person to know? So are we going to have a sleepover here or what? I already told Ray and Bob you know…” Frankie said, pulling the face that had ‘please Gerard, don’t make me have to tell the guys that there’ll be no sleepover and leave them all disappointed’ written all over it. I sigh at this face; he’s always trying to find ways to get what he wants.

“All right Frankie, we’ll have a sleepover here.” I said as I see his face light up.

“Yeah! You rock Gee! I’ll go home and pack my things now.” Frankie said as he got up and left as soon as he got here and I sigh again, he could be such a kid sometimes.

“Did Frankie just say we were having a sleepover?”

“You heard him, didn’t you?” I told him as I was about to take another sip from my brother’s cup, only for it to be snatched away by its original owner.

“You do know you’ve been drinking from my cup right?” he said, I just shrugged and made my own coffee.

Mikey’s POV:

…Gerard’s lips are warm…

Still Mikey’s POV:

“Say Gee, it’s just the guys who are invited right? No one else?” I ask my brother as we wait for our guests in the living room.

“Of course it’s just the guys, it’s not like they’ll suddenly invite some relative we don’t know about.” he answered, somehow, I didn’t feel very eased when he said that. I had a strange feeling about this.

Ding… dong… ding dong ding dong ding dong dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdong—

“For God’s sake Frankie! Just shut the hell up!” my brother cursed as he makes his way to the door, knowing all too well that it was Frankie at the door. Who else would ring a door bell in such an annoying way?

Gerard’s POV:

Frankie just does the most annoying things at times, it really pisses me off. But when I open the door I not only see him, but two other girls, one of them I know already.

“Anna? What’re you doing here?” I ask the girl to Frankie’s right, who was near the doorbell.

“Frankie invited me, I was the one who rang the doorbell by the way.” she said, this girl, by the way, if my ex-girlfriend’s sister who’s close friends with Bob, a stalker too. She’s a Filipina girl with layered black hair and dark brown eyes, well, she said most of the Philippine’s population had black hair and dark brown eyes. Wait… did she say Frankie invited her?

“Frankie…” I say threateningly as I glare at the guy who just smiled sheepishly.

“I thought you wouldn’t mind! I mean come on; would you seriously just invite us guys? You need to have a more open mind my friend, I invited my cousin too, she’s from the Philippines but moved here because of her job.” he said, his grin growing as he introduced the other girl next to him, who was his cousin.

“Nice to meet you in person, Gerard, I’m Nadine.” she said with a smile. She looks like a nice girl, shoulder-length black hair tied into a ponytail with just few strands of shorter hair left to hang on the side of her forehead. I hear a car pullover, making me and the rest of the guys to see who just came, only to find that it was Bob’s car that pulled-over.

“For the last time! I maybe your uncle but don’t call me uncle! Makes me feel old…” we overheard him say. As he got out of the car it seemed that the person in the passenger’s seat was having trouble trying to open the door, Bob rolled his eyes and opened it for that person which turned out to be a girl. Another Filipina, I could tell by her physical characteristics. She was a short girl whose hair was also tied into a ponytail like Nadine’s, except she had more fringe and had Chinese-like eyes.

“You put the damn child lock on uncle Bob.” she said as she got out of the car.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I let Ray and Bob bring one of their relatives too.” Frankie whispered to me, I just glare at him again for just doing his thing again where he spills the details too late.

“Hey guys, this is my niece, Abi, my brother’s daughter.” Bob said, directly introducing us to her.

“I know her already.” Anna pointed out.

“Yes Anna, it’s been a long time.” Abi said.

“Wait… Bob did you say she was your niece?” Frankie asked.

“Yeah… wait… Frankie are you trying to pull one of your corny jokes again?” Bob said, thinking that maybe Frankie was trying to say ‘knees’ instead of ‘niece’.

“Oh shut up Bob, they’re not corny… are they?” Frankie said.

“My God… you have no idea Frankie…” I say, mostly to myself. But then not I get what Frankie was about to point out, Bob has a niece? “How old is she?” I ask.

“About Mikey’s age.” he answers, Frankie and I exchange glances as the girls start some kind of conversation.

“And your brother married at what age?” Frankie asks.

“Uh… that’s a mystery…” Bob said, not exactly satisfying our question. Just when we were about to persist in our question to find out about Bob’s brother another car pulled over, it was probably Ray since he wasn’t here yet. I can’t help but say that when you see Ray the first thing you’ll ever notice is his hair, I mean honestly, it’s just so fuzzy and huge. As he steps out of the car he walks around to the passenger’s side and opens the door for his relative, how polite.

I was expecting for Ray’s relative to look like him, I always though that the hair ran in the family. But then I thought otherwise when I saw that her hair was not curly, but straight. Wow, not to mention she’s short, unlike Ray who’s like… the tallest amongst all of us.

“Hey guys, sorry we’re late, this is my cousin by the way, she’s actually from the Philippines just like Frankie’s cousin, I think they went to the same high school?” Ray said as he made his way to the porch with the rest of us. He then turned to the girl who seemed too shy to even say hi. “Say hi.” he said.

“Hi?” she said in a soft voice, she then caught sight of the girls discussing something and screamed when she saw Nadine. “Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Nadine-chan!!!!” she said suddenly all loud and excited.

“Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! It’s you!!!!” Nadine said just as excitedly as the two hugged each other like two friends who haven’t seen each other in a while, immediately she was talking with the other girls about God-knows-what, we couldn’t hear them from where we were standing.

“That’s your cousin?” Frankie said.

“Yeah, why? What’s wrong about that?” Ray asked.

“Um… you two look… different…” I pointed out; comparing… no that was more of contrasting,
their hair and height.

“Shut up Gerard.” Ray said, like he knew what I was thinking.